There is little doubt that having dementia in the household is a life changer.  Dementia is a progressive condition and your environment takes on a dynamic nature: constant change becomes an inescapable feature of your life.  Planning is problematic as to put it bluntly you never know what you are going to get.  An analogy based on personal experience may help to elaborate the point I seek to make.

Following early retirement from a career in the management of adult education I began to work for an Agency that provided Supply Teachers to local secondary schools.  Work was allocated by telephone: a call would be received in the morning to send me on my way to all corners of the County. On arrival at the chosen school for the day I would be handed a timetable detailing the subject, and the room, for each lesson.  If I was lucky I would be given details of how to contact Senior Staff within the school.

On arrival at my classroom there would generally be some instructions about the lesson I was expected to deliver.  In some situations I would be eased into my new surroundings by a supportive Head of Department or his colleagues. On other occasions I would be left to get on with it.  Sometimes I would arrive at my classroom and there was nothing apart from a room full of teenagers.

The sort of day that lay ahead depended on the school, the support available, the pupils and me.  Some schools were welcoming to Supply Teachers others happily used them to take the classes other teachers had long given up. Long serving staff were relieved that someone else had to ‘take it’ for the day.

There are broad similarities between my experience as a supply teacher and my role as a carer for M.  First of all I have no idea what I am going to get on the day: uncertainty is dominant in my life.  Secondly, it is possible that M will be confused about who I am.  Thirdly, there is no scheme of work, lesson plan or resources for the day – I am on my own.

Once i understood the context of supply teaching I developed a survival strategy.  Without something in the brief case I would be likely to sink rather than swim.  Quite simply I had to accept the situation I was in and have a survival strategy: I had to prioritise and plan how to get through the day unscathed.    It is the same with dementia.

This morning it is possible that M will be unsure who I am.  She may not know where she is and may talk about wanting to go home.  It is likely that she will reflect on how much she misses her family: particularly her parents.  All difficult challenges that I could do without first thing in the morning.  There is no lesson plan, scheme of work or Head of Department to call upon – it is simply down to me.  The only difference we have a degree of control over our environment rather that the National Curriculum to contend with.

Our priority has to be to attempt to have a life with dementia.  There is little point in wallowing in grief because all dementia will do is progress; it won’t go away.  So where is the blessing in all of this you might ask?  Quite simply dementia forces you to focus on the important things in life.  You have to sort out the clutter in your life or you will go under.  It soon becomes apparent who your real friends are as the ‘hangers on’ soon fall by the wayside and drift out of your life.  My acronym of KISSS has to be my guiding light and getting rid of all sorts of clutter has to be a high priority.

E one of my Buddhist friends put it like this: ‘try to  see it as an opportunity to practice patience and give unconditional love’.  What a challenge and what a blessing.  However, not an approach I would recommend to Supply Teachers!