M is 77 in two weeks and I have been exploring the best way to handle celebrations.  I have to admit this afternoon that I strayed from my KISSS approach to dementia (see previous post).  In the warmth of the afternoon I got carried away by the fairies considering that a Garden Party might be the panacea.  To be fair to myself moving away from KISSS can be explained quite simply as an attempt to keep family members onside.

There has been misunderstanding and objections to my suggestions to keep things quiet on M’s big day.  One family member thought I had suggested not buying presents or sending cards.  Another thought I was depriving M from seeing her grandchildren.   My  focus was on letting M birthday pass in a quiet manner.  Events this afternoon convince me that my hunch is correct and reflects M’s wishes.

I explored using the garden for a small birthday gathering and it is clear that M wants the day to pass quietly.  She suggested that the two of us sitting in the garden would be her preference.  So I am now left with the difficult task of trying to ensure that she gets the birthday she wants.  This will be no simple task as most mothers are prepared to accommodate their children’s needs.  That is why M continues to shelter her family from her condition and puts on a good show when they visit.  Why on earth would someone who has protected her children all her life want to worry them about anything?

So my instinct to KISSS away Maureen’s birthday has to be my maxim.  After all that is what she wants.

Probably not sensible to suggest an alternative plan I had: to hire a barge for the day and invite a crowd.  M might just go for that one to please her family.