One of the most difficult things for me to accept has been M’s recent dependency on me for any manner of things. In fact, dependency in itself is completely alien to my philosophy on life. Having spent my professional career encouraging young people and adults to realise their potential and become active citizens it is hard to change habits of a life time. In the early days when M’s condition began to surface I resisted completely the need to supplement her dwindling capacity. I simply did not understand what was going on and completely misread the symptoms. Stroke changed all that but once again I have had to review my approach to things.
Reorientation is the general approach to stroke recovery. With repetition the victim has prospects of recovering capacity and regaining cognitive function. Lists and repetition of tasks are obvious ways forward as the injured brain learns to recover from major trauma. In the early days M received support from the Stroke Team to enable her to begin to learn how to function once again. She made excellent progress making light of her 50% loss of peripheral vision. However, time went and it became clear that reorientation alone could not compensate for vascular damage that had occurred. It soon became evident that stroke had impacted upon her short term memory with an eventual diagnosis of dementia. i have already outlined the changing nature of diagnoses in a previous Blog.
When someone has strove to be independent throughout their life dementia must be their worst nightmare. If they have prided themselves on be extremely organised and thorough in all domestic matters then it must be as if lightening has struck when their faculties start to diminish. M is experiencing the storm of her life trying to make sense of chaos that has replaced order in her life. Fear is present in her troubled mind every waking hour: sleep is the only time when she is at peace.
As her main carer I face a steep learning curve to step up to the mark. My role is made doubly difficult by having to accept that someone with substantial intellect is becoming needy. She has to have a crutch if she is to function. I have to try to replace the steps in her faltering memory that have been wiped out by dementia. To be effective in my role I have to keep confronting myself that M as I knew her has gone and dementia has robbed her of the ability to be independent. It is me that has to change as she is no longer in charge: dementia now calls the shots.
