I don’t know if I’ve blown it; I think it’s possible I talked too much.  The problem was I must have been storing it all up for our first meeting.  I’d known for a week or so that I would be seeing Mel for the first time yesterday and too much had gone on since Heather’s departure.  Oh – by the way Mel is my new Admiral Nurse.

We met at the same place I’d often met Heather.  The café at Harrison House, our Mental Health Unit.  It is a good place to meet.  It brings back so many ‘happy’ memories from my incarceration in the Unit, a few years ago.  Whenever I am in the building it serves to remind me of my recovery from a serious mental health episode.  Once inside the place my thoughts turn to Irving Kirsch and how his book started me on the road to escaping from a life-time on antidepressants.  It is on my ‘Bucket List’ to meet Irving in person.  I want to thank him personally for helping me to realise that it was how I was interacting with my environment, not ‘chemical imbalance’, that had been causing years of depressive episodes.

Being in Harrison House also helps me keep to the forefront of my mind that dementia is not mental illness.  No-one has been able to help me make sense of dementia being under the umbrella of mental health:  it is brain injury not a mood disorder   Maureen has had unhelpful experiences from a mental health approach to dementia and it’s attention to mood.  I recall staff from the Memory Service offering to help her if her mood was low: otherwise discharge from the Service would follow.  This does no make any sense whatsoever.  Sorry about all of that, you can see I feel strongly on these matters ….now back to Mel.

I remember little of what she said.  She just let me talk.  I wonder if Heather had told her that I liked the sound of my own voice so she just let me ramble on.  No wait a minute: it’s all coming back to me now there was something that she said about ‘picking your battles’.  Seems she weighed me up very quickly.  She sussed that I am often trying to change the world and has encouraged me to be more realistic.  Not directive in the least because the choice of battles is mine.

We spent about an hour or so chatting.  Rather me talking and Mel listening.   Next time we are together it will be a threesome, as we are sitting down with Sue our new social worker.  Mel is also keen to be in on my Blog circles to keep a wayward eye on what’s going on here.  She has also confirmed that Emails and phone calls  were still a good way to keep in touch.  The bonus here is I have already experienced the importance she places in responding to communication.  If you leave a message for Mel she gets back to you: just like her predecessor always did.

Pick your battles eh; that’s a good one.   Once you’ve met one Admiral Nurse you’ve met one Admiral Nurse.  However Heather and Mel have two important things in common; lots of empathy and compassion.  Oh I’ve forgotten another: they are not only prepared to sit and listen; they actually hear what you say because they understand dementia.

It’s early in the morning once again.  I have woken myself up this time, no-one else is to blame.  Maureen is sleeping peacefully, thank goodness, and my mind is active far too early in the morning.  With a meeting with my Admiral Nurse  this morning and my social worker tomorrow I am trying to clarify my thinking about my aspirations.  Put quite simply it is that I want to be more than a Care Partner.

There are some people who almost brag about their total devotion to their loved one.  Any perusal of Talking Point will reveal harrowing tales of endless struggle, and acceptance of an impossible burden.  Often the marriage contract is used to justify heroic struggle, even when the odds are stacked heavily against the Care Partner.  I do not believe Maureen would expect that of me or me of her.

There are lines in the sand in our relationship, and our love is not based on evidence of self scarifice.  In fact I have often heard Maureen hint, and even say: ‘if this is becoming too much for you, put me in a Care Home’.  That is a measure of Maureen’s love: she would endure facing her worste nightmare rather than feel she was spoiling my life.

I have already outlined my thinking on being more than a Care Partner in The Way Ahead.

Once I have crossed the bridge of a Carers’ Assessment I will be a better Care Partner for Maureen.  Quite simply, because I will become myself again.  It’s such a shame that this process has been postponed so many times.

I am not sure who the villains  in the exploitation of care workers.  It is possble that it isn’t the Agencies fault.  Recent media focus has been on a caring sector being squeezed to death by Local Authorities, who are themselves under pressure from austerity measures.  However, this ‘pass the parcel blame game’ doesn’t quite add up, when I look back at the behaviour of Charlotte, and her Agency.

On several occasions plans for a weekend break have been frustrated by our current Care Agency not having staff available.  Generally, they need a couple of weeks notice, and even then I have been let down on several occasions.  I will never know if their tales about late notice, from the social worker, have been significant.  Yet Charlotte’s Agency  offered to provide support  for the whole weekend at  short notice.  Unfortunately, my sinus infection meant that I couldn’t take advantage of their offer, and I didn’t get to see my mum yet again!

I think it is important to mention once again Charlotte in action: a master class in caring.  Her performance replicates the approach of her Agency to customer service: they have been a revalation to deal with.  In my limited contact with the company they have convinced me they are set up to respond to their client base: they exude empathy, compassion and professionalism.

It is possible I have received special  treatment as they try to gain a foothold what appears to be a lucrative market.  If that is their game; good luck to them as they are starting off on sound footing.  Any company that treats their customers with dignity, and respect, deserve to thrive.  How refreshing to receive prompt responses to E mails and enquiries.

The experience my brief contact with Charlottes Agency raises two important questions.  What detremines how Local Authority contracts are awarded?  If small Agencies can respond to communication promptly – why can’t staff who work in the Public Sector do the same?

This afternoon Maureen and I bumped into a woman who used to be one of the carers from the Agency.  We hadn’t seen her for a while and she said: ‘you won’t be seeing me again, as I have just handed my notice in’.  Sue was one of the better carers, and we would happily have had her as one of our regulars, but that never happened.  Until I became very firm with the Agency a couple of weeks ago, they sent a succession of carers on Wednesday’s: almost a fresh face every week.

Sue told us the reasons for her resignation were not: the poor hourly rate; the lack of travelling expenses; or the fact that she was on a zero hour contract.  Her reason for giving in her notice was that she was often asked to work for a couple of hours in the morning and go home before resuming her work a few hours later.  She was also fed up with continually being phoned up and offered a £10 bonus to work a few hours on her day off.  She was even told if she didn’t  bail them out there was a danger the Agency would be placed in ‘Special Measures’.

Yesterday I happened to be down by the headquarters of our Agency.  Large banners were outside their offices trying to recruit new staff.  The terms and conditons on offer included: regular contracts, training, and travelling expenses.  I just wonder how on earth any organisation can get away with such misrepresentation?  I also wonder how Local Authorities are able to place lucrative contracts with such dubious organisations?  I think the only solution is to take such vital services back into the Public Sector.  Care in the community is fine but it should be under the auspices of Local Authorities.

There are two reasons why Charlotte and Maureen hit it off so well over the weekend.  Firstly, Charlotte understands dementia, and gave Maureen the time and space to settle in her company. Secondly, I stayed around to help ease Charlotte into working with us.

In retropsect I think we came up with an excellent approach to a carer’s first visit. I deliberately stayed in the background early doors.  Looking out of the kitchen window, I saw that the two of them hit it off from the moment they met.  Within minutes smiles, and laughter, rang out around the garden, as the remaining washing was placed on the line.

As the morning progressed I left Maureen to tell Charlotte her story.  I also opportunistically used events to help Charlotte see Maureens functional capacity first hand.  Maureen approach to trying to find my missing antbiotics gave Charlotte direct evidence of Maureen’s cognitive function.

I don’t think Charlotte had time to read Maureen’s outdated Care Plan.  I deliberately threw her in at the deep end, and helped her to stay afloat.  On many occasions over the weekend, I saw her take opprotunities to encourage Maureen to open up.  I overheard her using the photographs, on the wall in the dining room, to encourage Maureen to talk about her family.

I would suggest that my ad hoc induction process, and I have only shared part of it, hit the spot.  It was far more effective than any written document created by me, or whoever.   Charlotte knows far more about Maureen than professionals who have been coming here for quite some time.  In the short time she was with us she cajoled Maureen to tell ‘her side of the story’.  It is rather sad that her senior role within the Agency may mean that we may not always enjoy her company.  However, I have feeling that her brand of care will be replicated throughout the Agency.