It’s three in the morning and I am posting as part of my strategy to calm down.  As I turned in bed half an hour ago, and opened a drawer on a bedside table, Maureen let out a deafening scream.  When I mentioned ‘I was getting another antibiotic’ she said: ‘I didn’t know who it was’.  The scream was so long, and loud, I am still emotionally shaken by the incident.

It is fortunate I am seeing two support staff in the next couple of days: Admiral Nurse tomorrow, and social worker the day after.  They both need to understand how delicate Mauren is, and the fears that continue to haunt her.  My understanding is that it is far too late to deal with events in Maureen’s life that have caused this ongoing fear that something dreadful is going to happen to her.  One thing I know is  I have no intention of mentioning the incident when she wakes this morning.

When these incidents have happened in the past I have struggled to get back to sleep.  Perhaps in a strange sort of way it is a stark reminder to me to try to ensure that our new support staff are aware of the how delicate Maureen is.  They would have no idea that beneath that confident persona is an extremely frightened child.  I can fully understand how professional staff have taken in by Maureen when she is in good form and full flow.

I best switch this machine off and see if music and some basic household tasks help me calm down.  It worked the last time.  I can always catch up on sleep later in the day.