Our chauffeur will be here in an hour but I’m not sure we will make it to see my mum on her 96th birthday. Maureen is very upset and keeps asking me why her family never come to see her? She has been saying that ‘no one cares about me and no one believes me’. My words of comfort are falling on deaf ears and she is suggesting that I should go to see my mum by myself.
Maureen understands that my mum and brother are no longer well enough to visit us. If we make it to Coventry this morning I think it is likely that she will be reluctant to visit others as she says ‘why should I go to see them when they don’t come to see me!’ However, as I know she will enjoy the company of her family I will do my best to persuade her that as we are down that way we may as well call in and see some of those who are finding it difficult to get to Cleethorpes at the moment.
Dementia: Sharing The Good Times 
sadly, when people have dementia and alzheimer’s – their friends fall by the wayside.
and then again, since their memories are impaired, they don’t remember that people have called or come to visit them.
we’ve run into that situation with mom [my MIL]. last year my BIL sent out an email asking all of us to call mom, because she constantly complained to him that no one came to visit her anymore or call her.
it’s impossible to call her – she never answers the phone, because she’s forgotten how to pick up a phone and talk on it. when we go to take her to lunch, we call the front desk, tell them when we are coming, and then they make sure she is ready for our visit.
and after everyone wrote back to my BIL and told him how often they visited and called, he finally realized that even within a short time as five minutes after someone visits her, she’s totally lost all memory of that visit.
and it doesn’t do any good to tell the person with dementia that you’ve either been there or called, because – since they can’t remember, they might accuse you of lying.
we treat every visit with my MIL as a new journey, enjoying her company, realizing that she doesn’t even know who we are, and just enjoy the moment.
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Pictures! An album of pictures when people visit…I find this helps (sometimes).
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I have lots of ideas on how to use photos as we seek futher ways of cognitive stimulation.
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There is little doubt that Maureen forgets when we have had visitore and her friends and family have fallen by the wayside.
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That’s so hard!! I hope you were able to go! Sometimes no matter how much we validate, it doesn’t work. Hope the Waltham House respite works out too!
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We made it Henri and I learned a valuable lesson while we were there.
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