Tag Archives: Confusion

Dementia: Enough Is Enough

Mixed Dementia,

Our builders knew that a storm was on the way yesterday and adjusted their plans accordingly.  They knew it would be pointless trying to lay bricks and sought safer ground to prevent being washed out on site.  If only I had such a luxury as a Care Partner and knew what lay ahead each day and could plan accordingly.

We had a lovely start to yesterday with an early morning call at the Spa Stores followed by a trip to a nearby farm to collect eggs.  Following breakfast, we ventured to Aldi and on to Freeman Stree Market to stock up on fruit and vegetables.  Once we arrived home the clouds descended and the storm broke over Maureen’s footwear as I had ‘stolen her shoes’.  The abuse connected with my felony continued until Girl Tuesday afternoon took over the reins as I escaped the downpour.

‘The weather’ in the evening cleared a little leading to a fine spell following haddock and potato wedges: my Tuesday Special.  Things brightened up even further with a warm spell following apricots and ice cream.  Then the clouds gathered before the storm broke following my encouragement to bring a new toothbrush into action as darkness descended upon us.  As the rain poured down I took shelter in the back bedroom to escape the torrent of abuse from Maureen about my expectation that she would join me in bed.

I’m struggling to make sense of the forecast this morning.  Maureen’s presentation is bewildering as she ‘has to make some clothes for a carnival’: apparently, something she is not good at.  I have tried to change her focus for over an hour but she is overwhelmed by her inadequacies on all sorts of fronts.

I would suspect that ‘the weather’ is going to be changeable today and I’m hoping for some brighter spells.  The builders will shortly be firming up the foundations for our extension. I hope I have laid the foundations for our morning by putting Maureen’s dancing gear on the bed.  I’m just wondering after tripping the light fantastic in the kitchen whether we could make it see our friends at Social Dancing this morning. ‘Enough Is Enough’ of the old regime it’s time to try something different.  How lovely it would be to take my Dancing Queen in hold this morning:

 

Dementia: In The Dog House!

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for in the dog house pictures

Maureen let me have it in no uncertain manner last night.  She was concerned that the house stunk, was a mess and men had unlimited access to her sleeping quarters.  It was one of those occasions when I left her to rant and made my way upstairs to bed.  A few hours later she woke crying out for help as her mouth felt so dry.

Helping someone to resolve a dry mouth is relatively easy.  The normal remedies of a drink and a lozenge soon eased things.  However, this episode is a warning for me to support Maureen with oral hygiene as she often forgets to clean her teeth.  I’m also tempted to spill cold water down her this morning to see if this will encourage her to have a shower, wash her hair and change her clothing.  Girl Saturday did her best to spruce Maureen up yesterday but heard that ‘she was waiting for the weekend when we would be visiting her mum’.

I’m struggling to comprehend Maureen’s reality this morning as one of her opening questions was about ‘when I thought the war would end’.  She then sat for ages trying to remember her parent’s birthdays before barricading herself in the bedroom because she thought I had a dog in the house!

Dementia: Post Respite Syndrome

Mixed Dementia, ,

I beginning to wonder if  ‘Post Respite Syndrome’ is inevitable as things never seem to go well after Maureen has been in a Care Home.  In fact, little has gone in our favour since she has been back home.  It took almost a week before the toxic impact of constipation moved out of our household. Then we haven’t seen any of our regular carers during the lately: no wonder personal care and changing clothes has gone out of the window.  The only exception being that Maureen’s is now wearing her  PJ’s inside out!

Maureen has been sleeping a lot since her return home.  My sleep has been chaotic, to put it mildly.  We have rarely ventured out together, so our trips to the local shops for cognitive stimulation in the community have been minimal. visits from family members in the last week have not gone well.   It took quite some time before hostilities came to an end when one of Maureen’s sons visited last Sunday.  A long awaited visit of her favourite granddaughter on Thursday was tinged with sadness as Maureen seemed extremely unsettled and wandered around like a lost sheep for a lot of the time.

Visits from family members in the last week have not gone well.   It took quite some time before hostilities came to an end when one of Maureen’s sons visited last Sunday.  A long awaited visit of her favourite granddaughter on Thursday was tinged with sadness as Maureen seemed extremely unsettled and wandered around like a lost sheep for a lot of the time.

I’m hoping that Girl Saturday will be able to work her magic this morning with Maureen spruced up and my dinner on the table when I return from basking in the warmth of the Spa at the Leisure Centre.  Perhaps, the equivalent of a delivery of ready-mix concrete, just as our builders had yesterday, would provide us with the foundations to move us on from ‘Post Respite Syndrome’ in the following week:

Dementia: Is There A Pill For It?

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Is There A Pill For Dementia Picture

Personal care has become a significant issue for Maureen in the last few weeks. She has been wearing the same pair of pyjamas since I collected her from Alderlea Care Home ten days ago.  She has also refused to shower or wash her hair.  It would be interesting to know if the pharmaceutical industry has a name for this aspect of her presentation and a pill for it.

Maureen has mixed dementia, predominantly vascular, and there is no medication for her condition.  That doesn’t mean that she hasn’t been offered pills.  A couple of years ago antidepressants were offered and declined.  More recently ’emotional incontinence’ was flagged up as a possibility when her Care Coordinator heard her in floods of tears.  Thankfully, treatment in the form of pills, although available was never offered.

I think it would be unfortunate if Maureen remained in her PJ’s this morning as she would want to look her best when her favourite granddaughter arrives in a few hours. With no pills at my disposal and Maureen’s Hairdresser (as she calls Girl Tuesday) on holiday, it’s down to your truly to sort this one out.

My early morning plan has gone out the window as I failed to entice Maureen into the marital bed: a shower can sometimes follow if the going is good.  Plan B which involved spilling a glass of cold water over her would not be helpful as she has been crying because she has ‘nothing to wear and people are laughing at her’.  She thinks ‘going home to her mum’ would solve everything: I can understand her thinking which is more than I can say about those who believe popping pills is always the solution!

 

Dementia: From Dreams To Reality

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for From Dreams To Reality Picture

Maureen woke me rather early this morning concerned that she had a plane to catch.  She was trying to find the lady who was travelling with her.  As I was half awake at the time I didn’t pursue the issue but assumed they were going on holiday together.  It took her a while to accept that she must have been dreaming before she drifted back into sleeping on the sofa.

I couldn’t sleep after my early awakening and tidied up a few things before going back to bed.  My dream didn’t wake me up but I have a recollection of being back on the shop floor of the car industry and struggling to find the machine I was working on.  Being lost in all sorts of situations often features in my dreams for some strange reason.

The reality this morning is that builders will be her shortly to continue digging out for the foundations of our Day Room.  Maureen doesn’t seem particularly unsettled by their presence possibly because they have made it safe for us to access the lawned area of our back garden.  She appeared to have a good time with our carer yesterday afternoon,  from the laughter that rang out from our dining room.  It will be interesting to see how things go this morning with a Temporary Girl Wednesday who is with us for the remainder of the week: a much younger model renowned for her vivid clothing.

I hope Maureen is awake before I go out this morning following an unfortunate incident two days ago when Girl Sunday had a difficult time dealing with hostile challenges to her presence.  It was rather fortunate that Maureen’s son arrived shortly after she awoke and took over the baton and was told in no uncertain terms what his mother thought of him.  Thankfully, Maureen calmed down before his departure and as he left he said ‘two different mothers today’.

Those early moments when you first wake up always difficult: when you have dementia and have been dreaming it must be a nightmare to try to establish your reality.  As  I drafted this post, Maureen was swirling a tea towel around her body and enquiring if she had to go to school today!

Dementia: ‘Where’s My Mum?’

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for Where's My Mom PictureOne of my favourite ways to start the day is listening to the dawn chorus.  As I lay relaxing to the early morning calls this morning another sound caught my ear: ‘where’s my mum?’  This was nothing unusual and is a familiar cry from Maureen first thing in the morning.

I’m always ‘winging it’ when I talk to Maureen about her mum as she had died years before we met.  Thankfully, I have heard plenty about her from Maureen and her relations.  My reassurances that she was in Nottingham were greeted with ‘why has she left me here?’  Then the going got really tough as I risked trying to fill in the gaps in Maureen’s memory; probably overlooking that she was time-travelling back to her childhood.

One of my usual suggestions, when Maureen is missing her blood relatives is a trip to Nottingham.  Her response this morning was ‘why don’t they come to see me?’  Fortunately, one of her sons came at the weekend and my reminder provided some comfort. Then the offer of a cup of tea was well received but it went cold as she tried to sort out her thoughts and drifted back to sleep.

Distracting and redirecting Maureen’s thoughts will become a little easier when she looks out of the kitchen window at a JCB and a Dumper Truck, on what was our patio. This may remind her of the impending Day Room.  She was rather concerned yesterday about being able to play in the garden whilst building was taking place.  However, she suggested she might be allowed to play in the mysterious Jamie’s garden for the next few weeks.

Thankfully, a short while ago I found a way of changing Maureen reality by whistling ‘You Are My Sunshine’.  Once I got into full throttle she stirred from her slumbers, gave me a big hug and told me what a good dad I was!

 

Dementia: Bananas In Pyjamas

Mixed Dementia

 

Image result for bananas in pyjamas

I have made a decision to show solidarity with Maureen this morning: if you can’t beat them join them.  When we go to buy some bananas shortly I’m also going to be clad in PJ Pants.  She has had hers on since Monday and my attempts to encourage to change into more suitable attire have failed.  However, she has followed my advice on another front by taking laxative drinks and things have moved.  It is a relief that the aggression has been flushed away but unfortunately the confusion remains with constant changes in her reality.

One of my daily struggles is working out who Maureen thinks I am at any particular moment in time.  Earlier on, when she gave me the ‘good news’ I was pretty sure that she thought I was her husband.  Less than half an hour later she was calling me grandad and asking me questions about working in a coal mine as if I was her mother’s father.

Maureen is keen to get back home this morning to see her mum and dad: she really misses her birth family and longs to be in the company of her brother and sister.   She has already forgotten my reminder that one of her sons will be here in a few hours.   It will be interesting to see what impact popping down the road to the Spa Stores has on her reality and what the shop assistants think of our attire!

 

Dementia: ‘You Are My Hero’

Mixed Dementia, ,

Maureen spent most of yesterday on the attack, today she is full of gratitude.  My status yesterday was Zeo today it’s Hero.  Thankfully, I knew that constipation was the real villain: creating dramatic changes in Maureen’s presentation.

Unfortunately, we are not out of the wars yet but there is room for optimism this morning with movement a distinct possibility.  It was late in the evening before Maureen accepted the intervention she needed from Rapid Response Nurses after declining help that was offered from District Nurses earlier in the day.

What a difference a week can make.  Seven days ago I was enjoying a meal with two Professors during my Pilgrimage To Paddington.  A week later I was sitting outside the bathroom supporting my wife as she sought the movement she so sorely needed.

Professor Tom Schuller always encourages his former student to share his learning on this journey:

  • UTI’s create confusion: constipation causes havoc.
  •  The prospect of constipation needs to be addressed before Maureen goes into a Care Home again.

Dementia: DNA And Aggression

Mixed Dementia, , 
Image result for Constipation and Dementia Picture
Early this morning I have relied heavily on the advice of our local Pharmacist.  She told me shortly after Maureen’s diagnosis of dementia: Do Not Absorb any insults when she is in a combative mode.  She certainly ‘had one on her’ at 1.30 this morning. I have never had such vitriol directed at me and suspect constipation was the cause of her aggression:
‘If they depend on other people for their care or if they cannot easily find or access the toilet, this can also affect their bowel habits. Constipation in people with dementia can lead to a worsening of their confusion, as well as symptoms of irritability or aggression.
Yesterday afternoon Maureen told me that she ‘couldn’t poo poo’.  District Nurses responded promptly to my request for help.  Her reaction to their presence was tinged with sarcasm and suspicion.  It took quite some time before she gave them permission to feel her tummy.  They decided that any further examination would only cause distress and advised me to continue giving her laxatives.
Maureen woke at 5 am this morning, thinking I was her dad and wanting to know if she was late for an appointment.  Her confusion was paramount and she was adamant that she didn’t need laxatives.  In fact, she suggested that I should take them if I was constipated.
The advice from G P Out of Hours this morning was to contact the District Nursing Team as soon as they open.  Hopefully, Maureen will be a little more cooperative than yesterday and they will be able to get to the bottom of this problem!
This is the third time that Maureen has returned from a Care home with constipation.  It is something that needs to be addressed when I take my next break and an ensuite room would be a step in the right direction.
As I am about to post I hear Maureen in tears at the bottom of the stairs.  She tells me that ‘they have gone without me’ and goes on to say that ‘no one likes me’.   My reassurance that I like her has no impact ‘as I am not at school’.  Her feelings about being poor compared the rest of her fellow pupils keep resurfacing: she paid a heavy price for that scholarship to Nottingham High School!

Dementia: Compassionate Carers

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for compassionate Carers picture

I am frequently overwhelmed by the dedication and compassion of Maureen’s carers. When I called into Alderlea Care Home yesterday several members of staff asked me how she was doing.  People I had never met before were genuinely interested in her welfare.  It was reassuring to hear from the Activities Organiser that Maureen had joined in with her programme; entertaining others with her flamboyant dancing.  I think it is likely that they may see further performances from my Dancing Queen the next time I need a break!

We had a pleasant surprise in the afternoon when one of our weekend carers popped in to say hello.  She had kindly offered to cover the shifts of her co-worker who has moved onto other things.  This was great news as she has an excellent rapport with Maureen.  Unfortunately, I made a joke that misfired with Maureen thinking she had cheekily popped in for lunch!

Early this morning, following a toilet break I managed to steer Maureen upstairs for the first time since her return home.  It was good to be together in the marital bedroom once again.

I’ve been following my new morning routine today.  Cyber friends like Henri continue to provide invaluable support on this journey.  Maureen’s early morning focus is on ‘how did we get here and have we moved to a foreign country?’  My Tea Boy duties are currently on hold as our milk is sour.  This will give us a chance to get back into the old routine with a little bit of cognitive stimulation in our local Spa Shop.  My only dilemma is whether to try to cajole Maureen out of the P J’s she has been wearing for the last three days before she ventures outside!