Tag Archives: Confusion

Dementia: Changing Into A Lower Gear

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Image result for Changing Into A Lower Gear for Dementia pictureDecided to post this at 3 am just to take a break from hostilities and recriminations with Mrs Dementia in full flow!

There is little doubt that I need to review my approach to supporting Maureen as her functional and cognitive capacity continues to decline.  To use a motoring analogy I need to change into a lower gear as the hills from dementia get steeper to climb. Relatives and friends also need to review their approach to supporting someone who is really struggling at this moment in time.

Maureen’s awareness of her condition has been heightened by conversations with her Care Coordinator on Monday.  Yesterday, she lamented that she was getting worse and seemed very downhearted. During the day she had moments of abject confusion: completely lost in her surroundings along with frequent time-travelling.  I didn’t help matters by encouraging a visit to a relative where the conversation flowed at a rate that was beyond her capacity to absorb.

Last night she was reluctant to go to bed and is talking incessantly into the early hours.  Maureen tells a sad tale of a life full of disappointment and lack of fulfillment.  I have recorded some of her rambling to share with professional staff.

It is fortunate that I have a scheduled meeting with my Admiral Nurse and the manager of the Home Treatment Team this morning.  We all clearly need to review our approach to supporting Maureen as dementia marches relentlessly on.

 

 

Dementia: Significant Disorientation

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Image result for Significant Disorientation with dementia female picture

We made it to Nottingham, but it may have been a bridge too far as Maureen is significantly disorientated this morning.

Girl Tuesday played a sterling role yesterday in persuading Maureen to get into the chauffeur driven Volvo. Tim, the man behind the wheel, remembered his script from the week before and played it well.  Maureen’s brother and sister in law were excellent hosts and put on a lovely lunch.  Unfortunately, the Birthday Girl, Maureen’s sister, was unwell and did not show.

Shortly before Tim was due to pick us up at 4 pm Maureen began to lose track of proceedings.  When I suggested that it was time to go she said she was ‘waiting for her husband to pick her up’.  There then followed a lengthy standoff before we could persuade her to get into the Volvo for the homeward journey. A significant personal attack followed as we were chauffeured home until a semblance of peace broke out on the back seat of the vehicle.

We had to take a natural break as we arrived on the outskirts of Grimsby when Maureen was feeling unwell.  Within half an hour of being back home, Maureen was fast asleep on the sofa; still wondering why we hadn’t seen the Birthday Girl.

As I try to deal with my own tiredness this morning it’s back to the drawing board: a good opportunity to reconsider whether long days away from home is in Maureen’s best interest.  She has been very quiet seemingly ill at ease in her surroundings and deep in thought.  It is interesting to read how other people with dementia, such as Dr. Richard Taylor, dealt with their condition but I need to understand how Maureen’s sees things!

Dementia: The Fight Within

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I have a chest infection and have been prescribed antibiotics.  My sinus passages are blocked and I’m taking paracetamol to try to keep my temperature down.  Maureen is far from well with symptoms that need checking on Monday with a home visit from our G P.

I’m using this  poem by Normms McNamara  (diagnosed with dementia 6 years ago at the age of 50) to think about how she might be feeling about her dementia:

Image result for norman mcnamara torquay picture

‘THE FIGHT WITHIN

You read my posts, you see my pics, but cannot hear my thoughts,

The fight within, rages on, so desperate and so fraught,

I`m disappearing within myself, a little at a time

Every day my mind grows smaller, such a human crime,

Some days i sit for hours, with nothing in my head,

As the day drags on, its the evening that i dread,

Short burst`s of clarity come to me, every now and then,

I write them down, send off to you, and then i`m back again,

All alone within myself, getting ever smaller,

Suffering the blows, of Dementia`s brawler,

So if one day i disappear, before i say goodbye,

Always know your friendships, in my heart forever lie’

 

 

Dementia: Distract and Redirect

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Maureen has been awake hourly during the night.  I have given her lots of TLC along with drinks and medicine.  At  5 am things changed dramatically as she poured out vitriol about my shortcomings: ‘another lying, cheating man who was robbing her’.  As she ranted she said she ‘wanted a lady here’.  Once again she claimed I had ‘locked her in’, so I indicated where the keys were but warned her ‘it was too cold to go out’.  Thankfully,  she took my advice and curled up on the sofa where coughing fits have accompanied occasional sleep.

If hostilities continue I know there are several options available to me. I have already received helpful advice from the Konar Suite which will lead to a visit from the Home Treatment Team.  In the meantime, I will continue to distract and redirect:

Our carer at noon is an unknown quantity: she has never been here before and we know nothing about her.  In fact, Hales her Agency has yet to forward details of their schedule for involvement here for today and tomorrow.

Dementia: Kidnapped

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Maureen woke at 3 am  convinced that I have kidnapped her and brought her to this cottage against her will.  She has been in tears struggling to understand my thoughtless behaviour.  It’s all hands on deck at the moment as I try to reassure her she is safe and will be able to go ‘home’ soon.

Dementia: Enjoying Being Nana

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Image result for Enjoying Being NanaMaureen had a lovely time yesterday being Nana to her  grandson.  She was in her element as she talked and walked with Jack.   We often wish we lived nearer to our respective children; sometimes regretting our decision to move to Cleethorpes.   All of our immediate families are over two hours drive away and their busy lives mean that we don’t see them that often.

When Maureen is ‘wanting to go home’, she often says she want to be with her family.  She also says she misses all of the friends who live ‘back home’.  Unfortunately, both of us have lost touch with many of our friends and work colleagues from our days in Coventry. In addition, several of Maureen’s elderly relatives who lived in this area have passed away in the last few years.  Therefore, it is quite understandable that feelings of loneliness often dominate Maureen’s thinking.

There is no simple solution to Maureen’s loneliness.  Moving closer to family would not be a sensible option, as familiar surroundings are vital at this stage of her dementia.  We would also miss out on the quality support available in this area.  What I need to do is  ensure that we continue to have a steady stream of visitors to address Maureen’s  loneliness.

Last night I made contact with Ian Maureen’s eldest son and suggested he brings one of his children with him on his next visit.  This morning I have reminded Maureen of the fun she had yesterday with Jack and suggested that we invite grandchildren to help her decorate the Christmas tree once again.  I’m hoping by constantly reminding her how much our grandchildren love visiting Cleethorpes it will bring back happy memories from the past.

Maureen has been struggling to work out who I am this morning: she has been telling me  how strange it is that ‘Paul’ also likes herbal tea, along with constant references to ‘granddad’! Recognition may return following Chloe’s arrival: when  I will go out as the fellow who provides breakfast and return a couple of hours later as the husband who cooks such wonderful lunches.

 

 

 

Dementia: Communication Breakdown

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It was fortunate that I kept the lounge curtains open last night, as I managed to see an elderly lady walking tentatively down the road.  When I opened our front door I saw it was Pat, who told me she was ‘on her way home as there were footballers in that house’.  I encouraged her to come across the road and have a chat with Maureen.   I thought two would be company and with my understanding of dementia I’d be fine: nothing could have been further from the truth.

Usually, Maureen is pleased to see Pat and they chat together quite happily.  I edged Maureen into the kitchen to explain that I needed to summon help but she scolded me and eventually retired to bed.  Pat looked totally bemused by proceedings but didn’t seem concerned about Maureen’s whereabouts.  Once she was settled in the warmth of our lounge I summoned telephone help with calls to  HICA (Pat’s Care Agency) and Single Point Of Access.

Bradley Pat’s grandson arrived after half an hour; thanked me for my help and took Pat back to her bungalow.  I had tried to chat to Pat whilst we sat and waited for Bradley but could make little sense of her responses.  In fact, I had no idea what she was talking about for most of the time.  It is possible that I’d forgotten the basics of how to communicate with someone with dementia; thinking that the lingo that I use with Maureen would be the ticket.  If only I’d recalled the tips above from Alzheimer’s Care Resource Center things might have been different.

My experience last night reminded me of the saying that: ‘ when you have met one person with dementia: you’ve met one person with dementia.’ It may also be helpful to add that: ‘two people with dementia are not always company.’

Dementia: Don’t Rock The Boat!

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We had a lovely morning yesterday as Chloe (Girl Monday) worked her magic with Maureen as I stayed in the background.  My phone call to the Alzheimer’s Society was really productive: confirming that it was the week that ‘Singing For The Brain’ was on, and additional support that they could offer.  Maureen seemed really keen to pop into the Memorial Hall to see if singing with other people was to our liking.  However, she soon made it clear that she was struggling in new surroundings.  At first, she refused to join in with any of the numbers; either making fun of what was going on or ridiculing what was being sung with her body language or adding naughty lines to songs.  We took our leave at the interval and then things became really challenging.

At first, she refused to join in with any of the numbers; either making fun of what was going including ridiculing what was being sung with her body language.  She also added naughty lines to songs, especially to Love and Marriage – where she made it clear what she thought of such unions.  Consequently, we took our leave at the interval, and then things became really challenging.

The vitriol began as soon as we were out of earshot of our fellow singers.  It continued for some time, along with confusion about who I was and where we lived.  When we arrived home Maureen was reluctant to accompany me into the house, so I made out I was ‘dropping her off’ and returning to my own home.  I took my leave and popped next door to chat to neighbours.  I returned a short while later to an empty house.

It took me a few minutes to track Maureen down walking on her normal route towards the Country Park.  She reluctantly agreed to join me ‘in her car, which I had stolen once again’.  When we returned home she refused to get out of the car.  Despite my best efforts, she chose to remain in the car and it took two social workers to move her from the car to the house.

Maureen’s story to my ‘rescue rangers’, who had responded promptly to my call for help, was that she was ‘waiting for Paul to come home’.  Once in the house tea settled the situation, and Maureen continued to confabulate as she gave our visitors her version of  the events of the afternoon. Things went relatively smoothly for the rest of the evening, with Maureen eating a hearty meal and attempting to help tidy up debris the kitchen.  She was clearly tired after a busy day without our normal siesta.  When she took to the sofa shortly after 7 pm I thought that would be it for the night – but no such luck.

Maureen woke around 8 pm feeling cold and went back to sleep quickly after finding some additional clothing.  She was awake again at 1.30 am determined to light up the house as she went on some sort of mission.  Her confusion was paramount as I tried to convince her that more sleep for us both would be a good idea.  Half an hour later she declined my suggestion of moving upstairs to sleep; making it quite clear that she normally slept on the sofa.

I am tired and disappointed by the events of the last 12 hours or so.  I’m drafting this at a ridiculous hour to try to clear my mind as part of my strategy to get more sleep.  It seems likely that ‘Rocking The Boat’ has upset the apple cart.  However, if I get You Are My Sunshine on YouTube this morning a new day will have begun.  If I call up the right numbers I might even get Maureen on the dance floor: providing she knows who I am!

Footnote:  I managed to sleep for another couple of hours after drafting the above passages, and returned to the lounge/bedroom after a bathroom visit to hear Maureen singing ‘Good morning, good morning’.  It was a relief to hear my ‘Singer Lady’ (as I often call her), in such good voice. It will be interesting to see if she shifts her position on the best place to do our singing in the next couple of weeks.  I wouldn’t dare to predict if yesterday was our one and only appearance at ‘Singing For The Brain’.  What I am sure about is that I cannot allow the apathy of ‘Prescribed Disengagement’ (Swaffer)to slip into our lives. Therefore, I have to take up the challenge of moving our dancing from the kitchen and lounge back to the Church Hall – watch this space!

Dementia: Having A Hard Time?

Mixed Dementia

Image result for Time Travelling Dementia PictureAbout an hour ago Maureen told me she was ready to go home to her family.  She was well equipped for the journey with an iron, her boots and a butter knife in hand.  As we travelled around Cleethorpes, Maureen told me her husband was a car delivery driver and her three children were still at school.

She gave me a peck on the cheek when I dropped her off and thanked me for bringing her home.  I returned a short while afterwards to find her walking down the street.  She was clearly pleased to see me and we returned to the house as husband and wife again.

As we sat chatting Maureen was anxious to tell me that she kept forgetting things.  She remembered someone telling her that she had ‘memory problems and how hard life had been for her recently’.  As she relayed her concerns she talked about seeing her G P about her faltering memory.

‘Wanting to go home or asking me to take her back to her husband’, is nothing new.  My guess is that she will forget this morning’s concerns and carry on in denial:  facing up to the reality of her condition may be more than she can cope with at the moment.  That is why my discussions with our social worker about having a Care Coordinator for Maureen is significant this morning:  Maureen needs someone with professional expertise to help her put her feelings, and concerns, into perspective.

Dementia: The Benefits Of Humming

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One of the constant tasks of any Care Partner where dementia is a factor is seeking solutions to changing presentation.  Some of my latest approaches to our journey are summarised below:

Sleep Disturbance:  When I’m woken at some ungodly hour I often find it difficult to get back to sleep.  What seems to be working at the moment is to hum this song to myself:

If humming fails to do the trick I stay in bed and I pick up my latest novel:

Image result for The Girl On The Train Book Picture

I’ve almost read 300 pages now after a couple of years without a book on the go!

Frightening Animals In The Room:  Maureen woke several times last night scared that there was a dog, then a large fish in the lounge/bedroom room.  I eventually managed to ease her upstairs into the marital bedroom where there is more light and less dark corners.

Keeping Tea Warm: Maureen often asks for a cup of tea and falls asleep before it has cooled sufficiently to drink.  I plan to put hot drinks in a flask from now on so that they are available at an ambient temperature when she awakes.

Ongoing Distressing Assessments:  I’m going to suggest that a  Multi-Disciplinary Team approach is adopted by professionals, so all the information on Maureen is brought together and shared.  This would end duplication, ensuing distress, save time, and wasting resources.

We Can’t Be Married: I admit I was confounded by Maureen’s early morning assertion that she couldn’t have married me when we were in Coventry because she already had a husband.  It was one of those occasions when I resorted to humming another tune to myself and hoping for the best: