Tag Archives: Confusion

Dementia: Oh What A Night

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for Oh What A Night Picture

Yesterday morning and afternoon had been very challenging as I tried to deal with Maureen’s constantly changing presentation.  As the evening progressed and none of my normal routines were having any real effect I sought advice from staff on the Konar Suite.  I often find that the sound of a soothing voice gives me the impetus to change my approach.  After my phone conversation, further music onYouTube had a positive effect for a while before Maureen handed me a Wild Card.

There were no stars in the sky at 2 am as I tried to distract Maureen’s, yet again, by responding positively to her request to get some fresh air.    We didn’t stay out for long as there was a cool wind and we were both tired.  However, it took a further half an hour of YouTube on our return before I was able to persuade Maureen to accompany me to sleep in the marital bed.

This morning I’m hoping that we will be able to establish if Maureen has a UTI.   A recent purchase should help to preserve Maureen’s dignity as she seeks to provide the necessary sample.  Once again Girl Monday/Friday hit the nail on the head on her last shift encouraging a focus on protecting Maureen’s dignity and independence.  I’m so fortunate that I have sat next to Girl Monday/Friday (Nellie) for almost three years now: she is my immediate mentor when it comes to Maureen’s care.

We are out of the blocks with a meeting of the Multi-Disciplinary Team on Thursday morning with only Mental Health needing to confirm their availability.  The Best Interest Meeting is still some time away and in the meantime, we need to ensure that our approach to Maureen’s care is appropriate and cohesive!

Dementia: Feeling Neglected and Stupid

Mixed Dementia, Uncategorized,

Image result for Feeling Neglected and Abused Elderly Woman Picture

Several people heard Maureen giving it to me yesterday and a common response was ‘I can hear what you are up against.’  I appreciate their empathy but they have no idea what it has been like lately: particularly during Storm Maureen. What they also fail to understand is their contribution to Maureen’s distress.  A frequent question from Maureen is where are my family; why don’t they come to see me?  The other burning issue for her is ‘why are people treating me as if I am stupid?’  This is her reading of how most professional staff are dealing with her.  I am at one with her on both issues.

Last night I asked those family members who are in contact to visit more often.  They assured me they will do their best to address Maureen’s feelings of neglect.

On Monday I will request an urgent meeting of the Multi-Disciplinary Team to address our concerns.  I will also suggest that certain professional staff not to darken our door until we have met.

Maureen was in great form at our YouTube Party from 2 until 4 this morning – I wish I could share pictures how much she enjoyed herself – my wife was back for those precious few hours.  She is still here after further sleep three hours later looking forward to an omelette full of good things to drive away any signs of a water infection.

As she has always asserted when she has been in a Care Home ‘those people are behaving as if they are stupid because they are being treated as if they are stupid!’

 

Dementia: The Storm Rages On

Mixed Dementia, ,

I thought I had weathered the worst of ‘Storm Maureen’ by 2.30 am when Maureen had dropped off to sleep.  Music had quelled the initial onslaught with songs from Peter, Paul, and Mary on YouTube:

The focus of the storm changed from thieves stealing Maureen’s car to searching for her missing mum when she woke around 3 am.  Two hours later she was ranting over the need to move out as everyone was ignoring her here and the house was too cold.

I’ve decided to move out myself this morning to Cleethorpes Leisure Centre, as I need to rejuvenate myself in the Spa and the Sauna.  It’s fortunate that Girl Friday is on duty again this morning: Maureen desperately needs one of her Pamper Days.

It wouldn’t need much thought to work out which song would be on my Good Music page today.

Update: On taking Maureen her first cup of the day at 7.45 am she has a simple question: ‘where is this big family of mine?’  She has forgotten her son was here two days ago but she knows that her visitors are now few and far between – a familiar tale for those who have dementia!

Dementia: Seeing The Light

Mixed Dementia

Image result for fibre optic lamp working modelI had a surprise birthday present yesterday; a fibre optic light I had forgotten I had ordered on eBay.   It was a cheapie and no instructions were included, so it took me a while to get it working.  From what I have seen so far it might just provide soothing light; even a  diversion when the going gets tough.

When I came downstairs yesterday morning I saw something I have possibly been reluctant to see.  Maureen told me that she had ‘made me a birthday card but couldn’t remember where she had put it’.  Then the reality check was before my eyes on the dining room table: a used envelope on which she had written ‘HAPPY XXX’.  Inside the envelope was a used sticky notelet book.  When I thanked her for the card she broke down and said ‘I can’t write any more’.

Half day closing yesterday at our Medical Centre meant that it wasn’t possible to check if Maureen has a UTI.  Even the collection of the sample caused problems with Maureen telling me ‘that Lady ( Girl Thursday) had made her feel a fool’ by correcting her approach to water collection.  I’m hoping that things go a little more smoothly in the morning and we can check if antibiotics are needed.

I’m beginning to wonder if we are now trying to shut the door after the horse has bolted.  It is possible that professional staff encouraging Maureen to widen her social circles and become more active could well be too little too late.

I think it is important for me to remain focused on minimising Maureen’s distress.   Those who have decided the Best Interest Meeting is the way forward could well be contributing to Maureen’s decline by scaring the living daylights out of her.

 Posted live at 2 am as ‘Storm Maureen’ has been raging for an hour!

Dementia: Taking The Bull By The Horns

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for Taking The Bull By The Horns PictureI am planning to go for it this morning with an emphasis on distraction and redirection.  In the heat of the battle yesterday, I forgot a basic that any apprentice Care Partner should have grasped by now.  For a while, I foolishly tried to reason with Maureen to establish that I was a good guy.  Where on earth I expected logic and reason to appear from after all this time I will never know.   Such qualities have long gone and when abject fear took over the going got really tough.

I should have known that two strangers from the Local Advocacy Service probing Maureen about what she would do if I wasn’t here would spell trouble.  I could have anticipated that fear would eventually lead to her turning on me as the driving force for the probing questions. However, I was taken aback by the force of Maureen’s reaction and failed to apply distraction and redirection techniques.  It took telephone coaching to put me back on the straight and narrow and for Mrs Dementia to be put under pressure and for glimpses of my loving wife to return.

So this morning I have a cunning plan to take the Bull by the Horns.  Maureen’s son will be here around 10 am and I going to involve him in the Birthday Mission.  If all goes well we will go into Grimsby to help Maureen solve her inability to access her own money.  Our first call will be her bank so she can cash a cheque and order a new pin number for her debit card.  Then she will have cash in her purse: a common complaint is that she hasn’t tuppence to her name. Our next call will be for her to buy the ‘old man’ a card and a present for his 71 st tomorrow.  If she wants to get me a surprise I can leave them to it and wander around Grimsby by myself for a while.

If my cunning plan doesn’t work I can always play ‘More Than Words’ tomorrow morning as a reminder of the good old days:

This was OUR SONG in the early days of being together: if Mrs Dementia surfaces tomorrow she can Take That!

The context for my bright ideas this morning is that Maureen has been wanting to go home since 3 am.  She wants to live with her parents again, where there are no thieves stealing her clothes.  I have listened to her concerns and tried to put her mind at rest to no avail.  I attempted to distract her by talking about the impending visit of her son; with unfortunate consequences.  I listened to a diatribe about him for quite some time.  She doesn’t know ‘what he looks like and knows nothing about him as he never comes to see her.’ Her disappointment about the diminishing level of contact with her family is palpable.  She has been pleading with her daughter who died some time ago to come back, as she was a real friend.

Around 5 am I decided to give Maureen some space – hoping that the passing of time would lead to a change in her presentation.  My hunch paid off and by 6 am she came to tell me: ‘she didn’t know what she would do if I wasn’t here’.  It will be interesting to see how she presents when her son arrives.  One thing for sure, I will need our night sitter on duty tonight so I can try to catch up on a bit of shut eye!

Dementia: Biting My Tongue

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for biting my tongue picturesI’m getting better at not responding to Maureen when she is being downright objectionable.  Last night was a classic: I’d been doing my best to help calm her sore throat and mouth and she challenged me when I woke after a nap with ‘what are you creeping around for’.  I wanted to say remember me I’m the guy who brought you ice cream a couple of hours ago to try to reduce the pain in your mouth but I decided to say little and let sleeping dogs lie.  This meant leaving all our plans for the evening on hold apart from Maureen’s version of crosswords.

Maureen woke me shortly after midnight to warn me there were insects in the room.  She was afraid to put her foot to the floor for fear of being bitten.  It took me a while to wipe the sleep from my eyes and find a way through her concerns.  Eventually, I persuaded her that we would be safer upstairs in our bedroom where I was sure we would not be troubled by insects.  I slept fitfully after this event and got up very early to carry out some household tasks alongside thinking about how to make our lives simpler.

At 6.30 YouTube is on with the old favourites bringing a smile to Maureen’s face. I’m optimistic that we will be watching a film on Enid Blyton tonight.  I guess there are not many people watching The Famous Five rather than East Enders these days but reminiscing leads in all sorts of directions.

If Maureen continues to struggle with a sore mouth further medical advice is needed.   I’m beginning to think that a swab is needed to establish the nature of her infection. The soreness in her mouth and lips is a chronic problem that causes considerable distress and visual inspection by the G P doesn’t seem to get her anywhere.  Unfortunately, there would be little point in asking him to address her caustic comments:  we already know that dementia takes no prisoners and those close at hand frequently bear the brunt of her frustration.  The only remedy for this aspect of dementia is for me to bite my tongue and keep my mouth shut!

 

 

Dementia: Thank Goodness It’s Monday

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for Thank Goodness It's Monday Picture

This morning I have the opportunity of reviewing how things are going with Girl Monday.  She is our longest serving carer and is used to dealing with the fluctuations in Maureen’s presentation.  However, she has been on holiday for a week and even she may be taken aback by what she sees this morning.

Maureen had a lovely few hours with her son and granddaughter yesterday.  It is possible that we encouraged her to do too much and tiredness could explain the dreadful night that followed.  This morning she has returned to the theme of her memory:  she is either terrified by what she can’t remember or resorting to a reality that would not be shared by anyone else.

As always I have no idea what is behind Maureen’s presentation and when it is opportune I will attempt to rule out any medical issues.   My guess would be that panic is a factor induced by compassionate confrontation from the Care Coordinator, and myself, that denial is not helping Maureen to make the best of her life.

Footnote: Received a phone call at 9.30 am to let us know Girl Monday is ill.  Have advised the Care Agency not to send anyone else as a newbie would add to Maureen’s confusion.

Dementia: ‘God Is Watching Us’

Mixed Dementia, ,

It’s fortunate that family will be arriving shortly as I could do with a helping hand or two.  I’m being outrun this morning with Maureen being as confused as I have ever seen her.  She woke at 2.30 singing ‘God watching us’ at the top of her voice.  I soon realised where that had come from:

However, I declined another early morning YouTube party and encouraged Maureen to go back to bed: I’m getting too old for these raves.  She managed to drop off again but I had no suck luck so I carried out an early morning Spring Clean – it was surprising what I found stashed away in the most unlikely places.

I can’t seem to settle her today, she is either ‘packing to go home’ or sitting in an armchair looking distressed.  Perhaps, she will drop off on the sofa a little later and wake up in a different mode.  I was hoping to get out when our visitors arrive but I fear that may only add to her confused state.

Dementia: The Stark Reality

General, Uncategorized, ,

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The joy of Wednesday morning has been replaced with a couple of days of stark reality.  Just as I thought I’d got vascular dementia in the bag, it escaped and the stark reality of Maureen’s condition hit me straight between the eyes. My optimistic plans of Wednesday morning were a pipe dream and are long forgotten aspirations of someone who has lost the ability to recollect.

Today Maureen’s early morning mode is fear and confusion.  Earlier on she was asking who the young woman was who came the other day.  She has no recollection of why we might need a Wednesday night sitter and says she has never met the woman before, despite it being her third visit.  Yesterday morning she told me that she thought her diagnosis of dementia ‘meant she was mad’.

It was a little reassuring when Maureen’s Care Coordinator reminded me yesterday that with vascular dementia just as you think you’ve got it in the bag it changes and you have to get used to a new reality.  She also asked me if I had heard of ’emotional incontinence’ as it could be behind aspects of Maureen’s presentation, and I confessed I hadn’t.  However, there is one thing I generally have in the bag – how to distract and redirect when Maureen is upset: Bocelli is the man of the moment:

Although I recognise that his exalted position could change and I’ll have to find the next idol for a mature lady: thank goodness for YouTube!

Dementia: An Early Morning Tornado

General

Image result for tornado pictures

I was taken by surprise at 5.30 am when the tornado struck with Mrs Dementia blazing with all barrels.  My instructions were quite clear: ‘to get my things out of her room’.  Along with her husband, she had paid for the front bedroom and I had no right to put my things in there.

The storm had been brewing throughout the night with several incidents.  At first, Maureen was accusing fellow resident of stealing her clothes, a couple of hours later she became very concerned that ‘she would be in trouble for waking me’.  Fortunately, I am finding a short period of meditation helps me to drop off again after such incidents.

It is not helping that the pain in my legs and shoulders necessitates having a bed to myself at the moment.  Having your husband in a separate room is clearly not helping Maureen when she wakes up from fitful slumbers.  I’m hoping that we will be back together soon as my session in the Spa and Sauna yesterday seems to have eased things considerably.

With the tornado in full flow, I took shelter: there’s only one thing to do when Mrs Dementia is in full-flow.  Any challenge will only make things worse, even an aside that I needed a shower led to: ‘see if you can drown yourself when you are in there’.

My forecast for later is cold, with occasional showers that could become a storm if I don’t accept Maureen’s reality.  It is fortunate that Girl Wednesday Night is also available on Friday this week: if sleep interruption continues then there is a ready-made solution a phone call away.