I was very grateful that Marie from the Home Treatment Team found time to phone me last night to tell me that Maureen remains settled.  It is important to remember that this is a Crisis Team which is often stretched to the limit responding to situation far worse than ours.  That is why we need to minimise our contact with them and respect the nature of their work.

I was so pleased to hear that Marie had been able to take Maureen out for a walk.  She will find it very difficult if she is deprived of the fresh air she seeks whenever she gets the opportunity.  Marie tells me that Maureen has not lost her sense of humour doubting that I have been doing some Spring Cleaning: ‘fat chance of that’ she replied to explanations about where I was and what I was doing.

I suddenly realised this morning the answer to what Margaret from the HTT asked me on Friday evening.  She wondered what might have triggered the events of the previous day when Maureen accused Sarah of ‘picking her up off the streets and imprisoning her in a strange house’. The hints are there from later in the day when she told me that Chloe was trying to get her to shower and wash her hair.  Quite simply: Maureen is fed up with being told what to do.  To her it must seem like a return to a previous life where she says she was bullied and manipulated for years.

Maureen wants her independence back so that she can exercise choice in her life.  She may have dementia but that is not a reason rob her of independence. Once she settles and the antibiotics sees off her infection we need to explore how to give her the independence she craves.  How fortunate Maureen is being supported by a HTT team that delivers person-centred care by seeking triggers for presentation rather than medication to control behaviour.

I managed to squeeze in a late evening visit to Cleefest.  I only heard a tribute to Abba but managed to see ‘The Saturday Night Bee Gees’ on stage.  They didn’t cover one of favourites from the Brothers Gibb so it my belated post on my Good Music page.

I have just had my second telephone conversation with staff at Maureen’s Care Home and they report she remains settled.

We have agreed that I will not visit today and will review my presence tomorrow morning.

I have also agreed to drop off a ‘This Is Maureen’ briefing sheet for staff later this afternoon: more detail will follow in the next few days.

In the next few days I plan to sort out some pressing matters and take rest so I am able to face whatever lies ahead with confidence.

As the Home Treatment Team prepared to take Maureen to a Care Home yesterday Amanda turned to me and said: ‘this is a positive you know’.   I reassured her that I saw things in that way and thanked her for the sensitive way her and Margaret had eased Maureen into accepting she needed more support than I could give her.

I have already waxed lyrical about the HTT in previous posts by reflecting on their person centred style of care.  There is no doubt in my mind that Maureen is in safe hands: I wouldn’t have let her go otherwise.

Yesterday was the second time I had visited her Care Home and my earlier positive hunch was confirmed.  What Maureen now has is residential care under the auspices of the HTT: it doesn’t get much better than that.

I think it is likely that I have met or spoken to most members of the HTT.  Gilly the Manager of the Team spent an hour and a half with us the weekend before last.  Maureen’s medical treatment will be overseen by Dr Kokton; an excellent practitioner who we know and trust.  I therefore have every confidence that there will be a positive outcome from Maureen’s time in the Care Home.

It is unclear how long Maureen will spend in the Care Home but  it is reassuring to know  she is in safe hands as we try to figure out which way to go on this unforgiving journey.  

The HTT is a Crisis Team with a very demanding brief.  We are very fortunate that Maureen is now under their direct care: we need to leave them to get on with their job. That means I take their advice on when to make my first visit to see my wife.

Maureen is with others whose condition is much further progressed than hers.  Care Home personnel are responding to demanding situations from the beginning to the end of their shifts.  I made my one and only call to them last night to hear she was settled.  I have told the Care Home only to phone me in an emergency.  We all need to be patient and await a positive outcome from Maureen’s time in the care of the HTT.

There is much clearing up to be done here after the events of the last few days and many personal things I need to focus on.

I will continue to blog details of how things are going.

Unless there is progress on a couple of fronts today I will have to leave the care of Maureen to others for a while.  There is no way that I can sustain the current level of input without some form of additional support.

Maureen has an infection that is fueling additional confusion.  Her questions about the infection are relentless and she doesn’t want to take the antibiotic that has been prescribed.  A capacity assessment is needed to establish if the medication can be given to her covertly.

Her sleep pattern is making our lives chaotic and I am exhausted.  It is fortunate I cancelled my trip to Coventry today as sitting on a coach for 8 hours would have finished me off after the events of last night.  We got caught in a shower during an evening walk and Maureen berated me for not being able to run ahead get the car and save her from a soaking.  She has forgotten that running is difficult and not advised following bilateral hip replacement.  An hour later things got even worse when Maureen decided that she needed to ‘get home to her husband’.

It took me a while to find suitable clothing to track Maureen as she made for ‘home’.  She was walking at a pace I could not match and her image was fading as the distance between us grew.  I couldn’t get my mobile to function and my concern began to grow as she disappeared into the darkness.  I yelled out ‘Maureen’ at the top of my voice and she stopped walking and I managed to catch her up.  As always on these occasions I was immediately her husband and she asked me where I’d been.

On our return home my status changed when I suggested it was time for bed.   Maureen made it clear she didn’t want a man in her bed.  Once again my rest was short lived as Maureen decided to search for something in her bedroom at 2 am.  After half an hour I decided to chance my arm by knocking on her door to be told that ‘they had stolen one of her blankets’.  It took me a while to find the missing bedding but Maureen had forgotten she needed it by then.  Then I joined her on the marital bed for an hour or so  getting up at first light.

At 4.30 am I heard movement upstairs as I tidied up the kitchen.  As I met Maureen on the landing she said ‘can we go home today?’  I dodged her plea with excuses about being too tired to drive very far and used my stock phrase: ‘we’ll have an easy day around here today’:  how lovely it would be if our lives were so simple.

Maureen wants to see the G P this morning to gain an understanding about her infection and why she needs medication.  I need to ask our social worker for a capacity assessment concerning medication as the constant battle over tablets is exhausting.  We also need help from somewhere to try to establish reasonable sleep patterns otherwise some form of temporary separation beckons.