We currently have carers on Monday, Wednesday and Friday mornings.   These ‘sits’  are an opportunity for me to have some ‘me time’: often referred to as respite.  Unfortunately, rather than take time for myself today I sent today’s carer off shopping.

One of our carers has been a regular for a year or so now.  She is like a daughter to us and Maureen generally enjoys her company.  Unfortunately, today she turned up with a lot on her mind and discharged her worries without drawing breath.  The current spate of terrorist attacks had created chaos with her wedding plans.  Some guest had pulled out of the trip to a sunny island and unpleasantness had followed.  It soon became clear that our ‘daughter’ was so distressed that she was unfit to carry out her role.  Role reversal was taking place as we tried to support her, rather than the other way round.  I decided to take action and sent her off on a shopping mission with advice to take time out.

Maureen has always been a listener; supporting lots of people throughout her life.  She soon went into her default mode giving our adopted daughter lots of advice and TLC.  However, I anticipated that a couple of hours of this ‘soap opera’ would exhaust her to no avail.  Sending her off meant that we could be a normal married couple and eat breakfast together without further unnecessary complications in our lives. We never watch ‘Soaps. and we certainly don’t need live episodes in our own home on a Monday morning.

The carer returned with all the items on our list.  We bade her farewell hoping that her two weeks abroad would go according to plan and she would return to us afterwards as a happily married woman.

There is no treatment for vascular dementia in the NHS.  Once diagnosis has been made advice is for healthy living with a sensible diet and  regular exercise.  If stroke has created, or exacerbated the condition, then there is a medication regime designed to prevent a further episode.  This may well mean that the sufferer is discharged from the Memory Service.  I realise that our experience which has been outlined above may not be universal throughout this country.

We walked into the Memory Clinic for the first time in 2014 as husband and wife.  Once a diagnosis of vascular dementia had been made we left as carer and cared for one.  M could have stayed as a patient with the Memory Service if she had admitted to LOW MOOD an issue I will return to later in this Blog.

A lot has happened following M’s diagnosis and aspects of that has been outlined recently on Talking Point (details to follow).  I have received excellent support to help me grow into my caring role.  My SUPPORT TEAM have been recruited as I have gone along and they have helped me to develop a three pronged approach to caring.

My first priority is SAFETY

My second priority is MINIMISING DISTRESS

My third priority is STIMULATION THERAPY

I will provide detail on the EMBOLDENED issues as I develop this blog.

The immediate task this morning is to minimise distress by helping Maureen find clothes that feel comfortable.  More later …..

This Site is my first attempt at Blogging.  At this point in time I am recording events to give the reader an idea of life with dementia the elephant in the room.  Mixed dementia following stroke is a double whammy as you are never sure what is the cause of presentation.  Energy levels are a prime issue here and at the moment M is having another doze on the sofa: the third today.

M does not look as if she is in her mid 70’s.  It would be easy to guess she is younger than me with my natural hair colour; rather white now.  M has low lights to tone down her fair hair.  She is 9 years my senior very slim and can outwalk me in speed and distance.  My bilateral hip replacements can’t be used as an excuse for lagging behind her on the cliff path and in the swimming baths.  However, I have always been better than her at bobbing off at the drop of a hat, even when football is on the television.   She is catching me up on the dozing front on a daily basis.

Following stroke we were advised that M would have P J or Duvet Days.  They seem to be on us with a greater frequency in the last few weeks.   The concern with vascular dementia is if this is a dip or a sign of further dementia : only time will tell.  Therefore my development of this Blog tends to take place when M is resting her eyes  (so nothing fancy on here at the moment more a diary of events).

Unfortunately, blogging also has to be to fitted in with a 1001 other things.  Not complaining but life as a carer for your loved one is 24/7.  Better get off and check that tea is moving on nicely.

Following the success of South Pacific yesterday we have decided to resume our efforts to learn French.  Maureen has always been something of a linguist and French was one of my best subjects at school over 50 years ago.  I recall my French teacher showing concern when I left school at the earliest opportunity, at the age of 15, saying: ‘Why  are you leaving?  You are one of the best in this class at French.’

Maureen has had lots of holidays touring the South of France.  My sole experience is a day trip when we ended up at Folkestone having missed our turning to London.  So we have a new focus for a while, rather than watching endless repeats on the television in the evening.  The real advantage with all of this is that Maureen will be the tutor, as her command of the language is extensive compared to my few phrases.  This has real potential for raising her confidence by becoming the tutor: a bit of role reversal in the household.  When we met 25 years ago I was a youth and community tutor and Maureen had a clerical role in the Community College where we worked.

Lessons have already begun this morning using the medium of South Pacific.  There is no doubt who has the best voice and to Maureen smile as she sings along is refreshing.  We have also scanned YouTube and the complete film and lots of extracts are readily available.  So guess what is likely to be on tonight?  We will give ‘Open All Hours’ or ‘Keeping Up Appearances’ a rest for a while.  Aurevoir for now.

One of the problems with dementia is trying to think of an activity that is within the capability of the sufferer.  I knew that Maureen had always loved the musical South Pacific so I routed out the C D before she came down for breakfast yesterday.  The impact was amazing: she immediately began an in house performance of the musical.  I was particularly impressed when she sang along to the second track on the CD word perfect in French.

We played the CD several times in the day and each time Maureen sang along with great gusto.  In fact the effort of her performances exhausted her or it was just one of those days when all she wanted to do was sleep.  Several times in the days she lay down on the sofa ‘to rest her eyes’ and she was out like a light for a few hours at a time.

Our day drew to a close around 10.30 pm when we had another late dish of porridge together.  Since stroke it is always time for breakfast after a doze as there is no longer any concept of: time place or person in Maureen’s world.  In fact she often talks to me in the third person and looked worried the other day when she told me: ‘I am not really sure who you are.’ On days when her confusion is rampant she will be wanting to go home and claim that we haven’t live here very long: we have now lived here in Cleethorpes for 15 years.