Category Archives: General

Dementia: Waiting In Vain

General

I had a much needed siesta yesterday afternoon sleeping well for a couple of hours.  Maureen appeared at the bedroom door around 5 pm asking if I would like a cup of tea.  Hoping it was code for a cuddle I dozed on for a while longer.  When I awoke and called out her name she said I wondered where you were.

I went downstairs to find a rather wet and bedraggled looking wife who had been looking for me in the pouring rain.  I assumed my role as ‘Tea Boy’ and put the kettle on while Maureen dried off.  I congratulated her once again on suggesting the additional radiator in the utility room which was now needed as a drying area for her soaked clothing.

Once tea was served we chatted again about moving home.  Maureen said she liked living in Cleethorpes and saw little advantage of moving nearer to the kids.  After a light tea we spent a pleasant hour listening to records as we tidied up the debris from our meal.

We are both hoping this wet spell will come to a close shortly but I haven’t had to water the garden tonight.  Maureen car is now on the drive again well shod and ready for an outing tomorrow: nearby Louth is one possibility.

‘Brother Bob’ would have a word or two to say about my experience yesterday afternoon:

I have woken this morning in a great deal of pain in my shoulders: an early morning shower has helped me but not Maureen.  Sleep disturbance has been a pain in our lives in the 20 or so years we have been together (there I go again I’m not exactly sure how long).  It is fairly easy for me to sort out this memory issue by searching for documentation that will confirm all sorts of things.  Maureen’s memory issues are not as simple to resolve and this morning she has returned to the familiar questions of ‘where are the others and why are we living here’.  My answers clearly make no sense to her as vascular changes mean that she simply can’t remember such detail or the same answers I give every morning.

Susan Macaulay has commented on my previous post encouraging me to keep telling it as it is: that will always be the mission of this Blog.  My change of focus is about  life beginning at seventy and when we can’t remember something it is not the end of the world.  We both need a Memory Bank to remind us of all sorts of things, otherwise we will forget important aspects of our life together.  Minimal work has already begun on this front: sorting out our wedding photographs and finding our Wedding Certificate may well be a helpful next step

We missed a call from Ian, Maureen’s eldest son, yesterday as I switch the phone off when we have a siesta.  He left a message to say that he would ring back this morning.  Maureen says she has no recollection of ever speaking to him on the phone.  She also doesn’t remember that we spent a couple of hours with him a few weeks ago when we visited Coventry.  

I realise that Maureen will have forgotten she has spoken to Ian shortly after she has put the phone down.  It is also likely that increased contact from her sons will not address the fact that she feels I’m her only friend: she isn’t sure if I’m her husband half the time.  However, as vascular damage continues  increased contact from family and friends is vital.  Maureen’s emotional memory remains intact and we all have to work on the feel good factor: it doesn’t matter if she can’t remember what brought about her positive feelings.

We have both decided to continue with further de-cluttering today.  It’s a bit damp outside this morning so we will need a wet weather programme until it brightens up.  Once it is fit to be outside there’s work to be done in the garden to make sure that yesterday’s profuse watering hasn’t taken a toll on our plants. The beauty of being 70 is being your own boss you can plan your own day and take breaks whenever you decide to take the weight off your feet or rest your eyes. 

 

Following my morning tai chi and meditation I just overheard Maureen whisper ‘I can go anywhere I like’: what a beautiful start to the day as the butterfly begins to emerge from the chrysalis.

Postscipt:  Around 8.30 am this morning I found the key to our back door on the front drive.  I have my own bunch of keys, Maureen tends to take keys out of doors and hold onto them for fear of being locked in.  I’m going to have to even more vigilant in future when things go missing and widen my search beyond  Maureen’s internal hidey holes.

Dementia: Accentuate The Positives

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From 7 pm on the 10th June 2016 this Blog will concentrate on accentuating the positives.  There will be no more tales of woe and reflecting on the challenges of dementia.  Life is a challenge we have to be positive as we decide how to make our way in the world.

It will take me some time to update this Blog to reflect how Maureen and I have always tried to conduct our lives.

Dementia: A Home Made Solution To ‘Wanting To Go Home’

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Wanting to go home is a common theme of Maureen’s presentation: particularly as she wakes after a sleep.  Her pleas to be taken home were heart wrenching yesterday afternoon.  As she wandered around the house collecting her belongings I knew I had a struggle on my hands but despite my best efforts I couldn’t console her.  It was after office hours so I had to come up with a novel solution to distracting my wife:

  1. Serve up an egg and beetroot sandwiches on stale bread.
  2. Reach for an avocado and bad mouth the supermarket because it has gone off.
  3. Offer meatballs on pasta and hear: ‘its flour and water’.
  4. Serve quorn burgers with cheese and fried onions that are a delight.
  5. Create a mouth-watering sweet with banana, raspberries and cherry yoghurt.
  6. Play a Nat King Cole L P
  7. Run down the garden with a colander on your head as a reminder of my antics on a romantic and wet camping holiday.

If my Seven Point Plan hadn’t worked I was thinking of ringing for a taxi and asking the driver to drop her off.  What else could I have done with Maureen’s car on gardening leave?

I have used a bit of humour to start this post because there is nothing funny about Maureen’s presentation.  When your wife compares you with Hitler for encouraging her to sleep in her newly made bed or accuses you of bringing whores back here that doesn’t bring a smile to your face.  Seeing the concern on Maureen’s face as she stumbles from room to room trying to find where she sleeps is upsetting to say the least.  When you see that the bag she was clinging to when she packed to go home was full of make-up you realise how bad things are at the moment: she hasn’t used make-up since stroke.

As I watch Maureen’s capacity decline at an alarming rate it is little consolation to be frequently praised by professional staff for my efforts.  My Admiral Nurse was on annual leave yesterday, and our social worker was unavailable, so I had a lengthy chat with Gilly the Manager of The Home Treatment Team.  She confirmed that I was on the right track with how I was reacting to Maureen’s preference for sleeping downstairs or by herself.  Gilly also thought parking the car with our mechanic was a good idea.  She also agreed that I needed to let Maureen to go out by herself, despite advice to the contrary from an Occupational Therapist.

I’m not always sure that I am doing a good job as Maureen’s Care Partner: trying to preserve independence and maintain her safety stretches me to the limit.  What I do know is that last night Nat King Cole combined with the ‘Colander Trick’ saved my bacon and my job here as Head Chef!

It’s now 5.30 am and Maureen has returned to her theme of ‘wanting to go home’.  I realise that this is not sundowning it’s a plea to see more of her loved ones.  This is something that needs to be addressed.  It is simple for me to keep to my side of the bargain and visit family in other parts of the country: much easier than when you are not working or raising young children.

Our visits will allow us to explore whether we would be better off moving from this area to see if Maureen can find a place where she feels at home.  Opportunist that I am the car can be picked up shortly and we could be on our way by lunch-time: procrastination is the thief of time.  As we had hoped to be in Coventry for Lisa’s birthday next weekend heading towards Durham would be a sensible option today.

When Chloe ‘Girl Friday’ arrives in a couple of hours I will chat over how things are going.  Along with her colleagues Charlotte and Gail they are the real experts on Maureen’s presentation.  They are the only people apart from me who are dealing with Maureen’s rapid decline.  Therefore Chloe will be my point of reference before I make my next move on helping Maureen to go home: how ironic that the lowest paid are the real experts on dementia.

 

Dementia: Cognitive Stimulation Therapy at 2.30 am

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Maureen was reluctant to come to be again last night.  At 10.30 I decided to leave her to it and made my way to the spare bedroom.  She came upstairs at 11.30 and I joined her in the marital bed – an hour later she decided to return to the sofa so I went back to the spare bedroom where the receiver of the baby monitor resides.

Around 2.30 am I could hear a lot of activity downstairs and went down to investigate.  I whistled (my call sign) as I tentatively opened the door to the lounge to find my smiling wife on her feet.  As I greeted her I mentioned how good it was to see her and noticed that she had her PJ bottoms over one of her favourite pairs of trousers.

We have just spent the most enjoyable couple of hours together.  She is 3 -2 up on the ‘Sock Hunt’ with those in pairs waiting for a rinse later in the morning.  Despite my best efforts I cannot make any impression on her lead.

Our conversation around our struggle to find ‘fick socks’ has been light hearted and really positive.  Maureen has mentioned several times how helpful the Ladies (our carers) are: a really positive development compared with the norm.  We have decided that Gail will return to her seamstress role this morning; possibly altering some of Maureen’s summer-wear in anticipation of warmer weather.  As the car is laid up for a while (on the advice of yesterday’s advice from my Counsellor) Chloe will be our ‘Shopper Lady’ tomorrow and I have encouraged Maureen to start making a list of what we need.

We had a lovely surprise yesterday as Lisa sent us a video clip of Mala playing Eidleweiss on her flute.  I will transfer the clip on to my computer today so Maureen can see how well Mala plays one of her favourites from The Sound of Music.  Maureen is spoiled for choice with her response she is either going to send a song or a post card in response to this act of kindness. The sad thing is that Maureen has forgotten that my eldest daughter and her family were here on Friday but she is keen to visit Lisa on her birthday in a week’s time.

There is no doubt that Maureen is responding well to the new regime here.  Yesterday afternoon she show real joy by initiating a dance in the garden.  I’m so fortunate to have expertise at hand to coach me on her presentation.  Amazing Susan (pictured right) and Sue our social worker deserve real credit for encouraging me to focus on potential rather than a safety-first approach to Maureen’s presentation.  I will EMail Sue our social worker this morning and thank her for holding my hand on Tuesday as Maureen went looking for the children who had been her car.  All I can do for Ms Macaulay (in the USA) is acknowledge she really is Amazing Susan and that Teepa Snow would be proud of one of her disciples.

As I finish this post I have just had to deal with an attack from ‘Mrs Dementia’ who has accused me of evading her question about ‘where have they all gone’.  Maureen is frequently troubled about being left here when the others have gone out.  It’s now 6 am and Maureen is refusing to speak to me and has walked away as I tried to use physical contact to help her feel secure.  Ten minutes later and she has taken to the sofa: sleeping it of usually banishes Mrs Dementia for a while.

Another day beckons on our journey with many twists and turns likely today.  How fortunate I am that there is always all sorts of expertise at hand -some of it amazing – to help me find my own way of being a supportive Care Partner.

Silly Mistake

This post is later than normal this morning because I didn’t take the Baby Monitor with me when I was chatting to my next door neighbour.  My misjudgement caused Maureen utter distress as she thought she had been locked in and left alone.  It is possible that I will need a more sophisticated model that enables communication when I am not in sight.  Her presentation is changing so rapidly at the moment that I need to continually evaluate whether our set up is supportive of causing unnecessary distress.  I also need to keep the Baby Monitor receiver within ear shot whenever I’m out of sight and she is resting on the sofa!

Dementia: ‘Houston We Have A Problem’

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I can’t remember who said it in the missions to get to the moon but we have a problem in Cleethorpes this morning.  In fact we have three problems Maureen’s current presentation, my well-being and a shortage of personnel at ‘Mission Control’.

At 2pm Maureen became concerned about her car again: she is fixated that someone else is using it and not taking her out when they are enjoying the luxury of her motor.  She went off on her own hunting for children who had been playing in her car yesterday and returned half an hour later having forgotten why she had gone out for a walk.  I’m extremely grateful to Susan Macaulay for helping me to reconsider my position on ‘wandering’.  Sue our social worker has also gave me live telephone support on this matter yesterday.  I have no intention of locking Maureen in and will support her right to go for a walk on her own whenever I feel she is in the right mode to be safe.

A secondary problem is that I am racked with pain this morning and needed a hot shower to ease the pain in my shoulders and legs.   The further problem is that Mission Control is depleted this morning as two key personnel have gone AWOL today (not really).

I have now arrived at a point in this Blog where I started yesterday when I pressed the wrong button and released an early draft: I’m spoiled for choice with the level of support that is available to me as a Care Partner this morning.  Sue our social worker never works on Wednesday’s and Mel my Admiral Nurse is on a course in London.  Despite the unavailability of such key personnel I still have a number of professional staff I can turn to if  to chat over my next move.

Just by chance I have an appointment with Paul Martin my counsellor this morning and I will arrange to see Dr Munjal while I’m at Clee Medical Centre.  I need to chat through with them my ‘cunning plan’ to deal with Maureen’s car , wanting to go home and being reluctant to take medication..  If they had not been available I know I could have chatted to staff at the Home Treatment Team or walked a few streets away to be with with Yvonna the chemist at Lloyds.  I could also contact Angie a Carers’ Support Worker and take up an offer of meeting her to discuss how things are going.

When Maureen and I decided to move to Cleethorpes lots of people questioned our sanity.  In retrospect it may well have been a reckless decision to move away from all immediate family who all live over a 100 miles away.  What they, and we, didn’t realise at the time was the range of services here is exemplary and I would be surprised if any Care Partner enjoys the options for support that I have at my disposal this morning.  I had hoped to praise the set-up to support carers here through the channels of the  Academy of NHS Fabulous Stuff and the  Huffington Post  but I fear that may not happen as Maureen doesn’t want me out of her sight at the moment.

I have a number of ideas on how to try to resolve Maureen’s fixation on her car, wanting to go home and being deserted.  It is fortunate that we have a slow puncture in the front near side tyre.  I bet those wheel nuts will be so tight it will not be possible to put the spare on this morning.  How convenient the car can be immobilised for a few days.

Bob Marco asserts that accepting the ’emotional glue’ is a prerequisite to becoming a supportive Care Partner.  He argues that once you accept this sticky solution life returns for those who are on this unforgiving journey: simple solutions all round then!

Today’s Tasks

  • Immobilise Maureen’s car
  • Seek advice on Maureen’s presentation
  • Make dental appointments
  • Encourage Maureen and carer to empty the ironing basket
  • Continue de-cluttering the house
  • Refer family members to Blog for an update
  • Continue to explore moving home with Maureen
  • Potter in the garden
  • Fast during the day to address pain in limbs

Footnote:  I will forward this Blog to the Academy of Fabulous NHS Stuff and Huffington Post and hope  they spread the word of excellent support for carers in Cleethorpes.

 

Dementia: Creating Purpose and Routine

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It is never easy as a Care Partner to know if your approach is helping your loved one. However it doesn’t take you long to realise when you have made a mistake as there is no quarter offered by ‘Mrs Dementia’: she soon lets you have it with both barrels when you get it wrong.

I have made some progress in the last couple of days in helping Maureen find purpose in her life.  On Sunday I kidded her into going to Nottingham to support her brother and try to lift his mood.  Maureen warmed to this theme as she is a natural nurturer and I reminded her off her good works throughout yesterday whenever the opportunity arose.

Yesterday I encouraged her to follow the tradition of Monday is wash day and change our bed linen.  When I returned from a shopping expedition there was a line full of washing and Maureen had been spruced up in the shower.  Then I dropped a clanger asking if fresh linen had been put on the bed.   I soon got my come-uppance as Maureen refused to help our carer follow my hints about further tasks.  As Chloe said ‘she doesn’t like you telling us what to do’.  Later in the day I paid the price for another silly mistake.

Mike my neighbour asked if he could put his car alongside ‘Maureen’s’ on the drive.  When she awoke from her afternoon nap she was very distressed about our drive doubling as a car park for Mike’s car; particularly as it obscured the vision of her motor.  It also gave her a further opportunity to become frightened that strangers were always visiting this place.  I hastily asked Mike to remove the offending vehicle and return ours to its rightful place in the middle of our drive  As you will see from the photo, our car, Maureen’s beloved Space Star is now home alone in its rightful place in the centre of our drive.

On Friday I became so concerned about Maureen’s presentation that I arranged a check- up for her this morning.  She is sleeping a lot lately and plagued by an extremely sore mouth.  I managed to make this a joint appointemnt yeaterday so I can also discuss one or two matters of concern of my own. I know that ‘Rav’ (Dr Munjal) will pull out all the stops to see if there is anything he can do to make our lives just a little easier.

Personal reminder: Maureen has been a new woman with purpose in her life but any changes in routine can knock her for six. 

I’ve just remembered a helpful suggestion from a Mental Health Nurse during one of my periods of depression.  He said ‘never go to bed without some idea of how you are going to spend the next day’.  His advice along with support from various other people helped me to find my way out of recurring periods of anxiety and depression.

From now on I will list some possible tasks for the day at the end of each post to try to ensure that we don’t get lose our way on this challenging journey.

Today’s Tasks

  • Attend medical appointments for  health assessments.
  • Make dental appointments.
  • Sort out better arrangements for storing spare bedding.
  • Continue to de-clutter our house.
  • Print photographic reminders of how we spent yesterday.
  • Continue to potter in the garden.
  • Stick to established routines.

Great News: I’ve just had an amazing find – the missing bread knife that belonged to Maureen’s grandmother.  As I gave the bathroom a much needed early morning clean I found it safely tucked away behind the sink.  Now if only I could find the missing butter knife: also precious for the same reason.

Wow the latest search has revealed a key, sharp knife, Maureen’s distance glasses and bus pass all safely stashed away in the pocket of her fleece hidden from view in a wardrobe in the spare bedroom. It’s only a matter of time before I come across Maureen’s engagement ring, our address book and the remaining missing key.  They don’t call me P C 70 for nothing: I’ll make the CID at this rate!

Dementia: Looking Back: Looking Ahead (Week 21)

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Maureen and I had a lovely day out in Nottingham yesterday.  My suggestion that her brother needed cheering up raised my nurturing wife from her bed and we were on our way by 10 am.  Unfortunately, we had to return home 15 minutes later as I had topped up the car with petrol and left my wallet at home.  I also did my usual trick as we approached our destination and took a wrong turning which delayed our arrival even further.

Dianne, our sister in law, provided a beautiful lunch which eased our introduction to new surroundings.  It didn’t take me long to see that it had been worth an elongated journey on a hot day: brother and sister were soon back in the old routine.

After lunch we walked to a nearby park in beautiful sunshine.  Once again the siblings were chattering away as we made our way around a Vintage Car Show.  I was in my element as I stumbled across an Austin 1800 in mint condition and reminisced with the owner about my days on the shop-floor at British Leyland.

We decided to delay our departure from Nottingham until early evening when it was a little cooler.  Maureen was obviously very tired on the homeward journey but we continued with the banter that we had enjoyed on our way to Nottingham.  She took to the sofa shortly after we arrived home and was asleep almost as soon as she laid her head on a cushion.  Around 10.30 pm I managed to ease her upstairs to sleep alone as she wanted a bed to herself because she was too hot.

Maureen awoke at 1pm very distressed and confused about where she was.  Eventually she joined me in the spare room.  Two hours later she was awake again crying that ‘she was in a madhouse where she didn’t know who was in bed with her and she wanted to go home and be with people she knew in her family’.

At around 6 am we have had a very positive conversation about ‘going home’ and being closer to our loved ones.  Maureen has been a revelation saying ‘let’s not get carried away and rush into anything’.  It is lovely to see my wife firmly in control using her intellect to appraise our situation.  I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she didn’t outwit ‘Mrs Dementia’ one of these days and send her back to where she belongs: it might just be that there is something in ‘The P C Approach To Memory Loss’.

 

 

Dementia: Super Saturday

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Maureen and I had a great day yesterday with lots of exciting possibilities emerging on the horizon. She was a revelation once she had come round telling me that she had to stop feeling sorry for herself and get on with her life.  Action spoke louder than words and we were down the road by 9 am seeking advice form Yvonna our chemist about Maureen’s sore mouth.  I jumped at the chance for an early morning walk and an opportunity to return a carrier bag full of out of date medicines that I had sorted out earlier in the morning.

Yvonna chatted with us for a while: charming and informative as always.  Maureen shares my opinion of this lovely woman who is a credit to her profession always willing to go the extra mile for her clients.  Fortunately we already had Yvonna’s prescription in stock so it didn’t cost us a penny to resolve what may well be a viral infection.

We called in for milk on our return journey at a local convenience store.  As we walked home I suddenly realised that I had left the plastic box with ointment and tablets for Maureen’s sore mouth on the shop counter.  We decided to collect them later as we were bot needing our breakfast.  I also knew that Gail was imminent for a carers sit.

Gail played the game of popping in to see how we were but Maureen appeared to smell a rat.   She was clearly puzzled by Gail popping in and it was possibly a mistake to offer cake and coffee to our ‘visitor’. Later in the day I cancelled an extra carer sit today rather than feed Maureen’s concern that our home is never our own.

Maureen slept on and off for the remainder of the day.  I put her exhaustion down to  entertaining of Mala and Amba on Friday.  It is also possible that the infection in her mouth is dragging her down and I have booked her in for a review by the G P on Tuesday.  As Sleeping Beauty rested I managed to move forward on a several of fronts:

If We Don’t Use It Bin It

I continued to recycle or bin anything I came across that we no longer need.  This is something I will build into every day as we need a minimalist approach to life to make this place dementia friendly.

P C Phone Home

Throughout the day I contacted several family members and friends to discuss our options for the next stage of our lives.  This led me to realise how fortunate we are to have such a rich diversity of experience to consult with in our family.   How lucky we are to have those with both a practical and theoretical understanding of dementia so close at hand.  It is so helpful to be able to ring up people you are close to and say ‘what do you think about this idea….’ knowing that you will be supported rather than judged for being so tired that you can’t see the wood from the trees.

‘Do You Know Nana’

Johnathan one of our Grandchildren often used to hail Maureen with the phrase above.  We often use it along with his more famous ‘ Don’t ‘ike it want Bumbi’; telling us quite clearly to get E T off the T V and put on Bambi.  The young man is now a graduate and about to make his way in the world and we  have decided to entitle our book of memories ‘Do You Know Nana’.  We are going to sift through photographs to remind  ourselves of some of the things we have got up to in the last 20 years: those that have meaning will be captioned in a book others will be binned.

Walking By the Trent

I almost persuaded Maureen to have a day out in Nottingham yesterday following her early morning thoughts on doing more.  I returned to the theme a couple of times during the day and phoned to check the availability of her brother and sister in law.  I’m hoping that she has the energy to go today as seeing family will be good for us both.

Here’s hoping for a Sunny Sunday on the banks of the Trent.

 

 

Dementia: Hopscotch, Wandering and Wanting To Go Home

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I wish I could have filmed Maureen yesterday as she entertained Mala and Amba.  We didn’t need to take two of our grandchildren to the circus as the in-house show continued throughout their visit.

When Tapan, my son in-law, and I went off to the local chippie Nana Maureen was playing hopscotch jumping around the patio.  Following lunch the Songbird came into her own with some favourites  from The Sound of Music and South Pacific. 

Popping across to a play area across the road after lunch was a mistake.  The girls enjoyed their time on the swings and slides but Maureen was excluded from the action because of age restrictions.  I failed to understand her response to being excluded and mistook her need for action as wandering.  Thanks to Susan Macaulay I will never use that word again in relation to Maureen’s presentation: ‘wanderism’ is a term that feeds discrimination against minority group – those with a diagnosis of dementia!

My other lesson from yesterday is that it has been a mistake to discourage visits from grandchildren when Maureen’s presentation has been challenging.  My aspirations to keep her safe and comfortable have deprived her of the very things she loves to be:  Nana out in the fresh air.

We are both considering whether it is time to bring our holiday at the seaside to an end.  When we look back we ran off to Cleethorpes to get away from Coventry.   We had both lost our jobs for wanting to be together because our employer responded to the plea of my ex-wife to move us out of her workplace.  Maureen’s post was disestablished leading to redeployment and I accepted a post where I struggled to cope with the levels of corruption and political involvement. The generous settlement terms of my early retirement deal, on the grounds of ill health, meant that I could  pay my way towards a fresh start away from it all at the sea-side.

It would be a mistake to see Maureen wanting to go home as dementia related.  Just the same as it is wrong to describe her wanting to be out in the fresh air as wandering.  As she frequently says ‘we have got no-one here’: she is right.  All of our immediate family live over a 100 mile away with busy lives of their own.  It is time for us to consider the best place for us to be for the next stage of our lives together.

Dementia: What A Team!

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I would not have survived yesterday without significant help from friends (including cyber) professional staff, and family members.   It is possible that I will not have space to thank them all so apologies in advance if I fail to mention you!

My day got off to a good start when I met Ed one of my friends from the Buddhist Meditation Group.  Our chat for an hour or so helped me to understand the ‘message’ a little more.  Ed is such a generous man who is always prepared to meet me at the drop of an E Mail and fields my questions in a very helpful manner.  Like all good Buddhist we ended our chat by talking football as Ed is a ‘Town’ supporter and they have just got back into the Football League.

I returned home from the calm of Buddhism to the storm of Dementia.  Maureen was incensed that Gail her carer had stopped her from walking alone.  She vented her frustration at me for several hours and I had to trail her for well over an hour.  There is little point in repeating her recriminations or accusations: they are familiar tales in the dementia bubble.

During one of the intervals in the hostilities I sought advice from Mel my Admiral Nurse but failed to reach her.  Yvonne the Occupational Therapist who had declared Maureen unfit to wander was on holiday but I had a helpful chat with one of her colleagues about the practicalities of re assessment.   I also managed to reach Sue our social worker who provided excellent telephone support and reassured me that I was on the right track (the digital tracker is currently on charge).

I hoped that tea would move things in a new direction as the vegetarian burgers ended Maureen’s hunger strike and I anticipated all was fine and dandy.  Unfortunately the food may have hit one spot but opened another door and Mrs Dementia re -entered wondering ‘when her husband would come to pick her up’.  She asked me ‘if I could give her a lift home as her kids would be wanting their tea’.  Despite my best efforts I couldn’t help her to see that she was home: during her musings she mentioned Clarice, her aunty, and that opened a door in my thinking.

At a lull in the attack I slipped away to call Clarice with a cunning plan.  Half an hour later I dropped Maureen at Clarice’s where she could wait for ‘her husband’ to pick her up.  Once home again I spoke to Colin Maureen’s son on the phone to appraise him of developments.  He was very supportive and we chatted about contingency plans for my visit to Coventry in a couple of weeks.  Colin made some very helpful suggestions about Ian (his brother) and Barrie (his uncle) potential involvement in the arrangements to see my own family.

I returned to pick up Maureen an hour after I had dropped her off.  In my break from hostilities I completely change my outfit and deliberately wore a red fleece that belonged to Maureen.  Clarice was very tolerant of her niece and husband catching up on the latest news for half an hour or so.  When we returned home as Mr and Mrs Collins I manged to keep conversation on how Clarice was coping living by herself now she was widowed.

Maureen had clearly been frightened by Clarice’s plight and shared her fears about being left alone in a strange place.  She was pleased that ‘I wasn’t angry’ about her thoughts about ‘the need to move from the sea-side and go back home’.

I have managed to stay in bed for about 7 hours and recharge the batteries a little. Maureen has woken a couple of times and reopened a number of issues.  Her initial concern was about going back home.  Then she has moved onto her concerns about short-term memory loss.  Once again she claims that ‘no-one has told her how to get her memory back’ and I have gently contradicted her assertion.  This has not gone down particularly well and I hope I haven’t overplayed my hand.

I have never mentioned  Kate Swaffer to Maureen or Dominique Klotz who advised me to check her out.  I’m so fortunate that Paul Martin my counsellor suggested that blogging might be helpful to me as a Care Partner: as it has opened the door to neuroplasticity.  Kate continues to bang the drum about potential and just as Irving Kirsch was my route out of depression Kate’s has to be the guide on this journey.

I firmly believe that Maureen has the potential to regain her independence and wander safely at will.  It is possible for her to show us that she can cross roads safely and with the tracker in place can get safe help if she feels lost.  All she needs is patience from yours truly and she will prove to others that she is safe to wander.  Once we have overcome that little matter it may well be possible to encourage her to explore other opportunities to get her memory back.

Thank goodness that Lisa will be here with her husband and two beautiful daughters by noon.  We both need a day off and with luck we might make it to the circus together.

Jen one of my cyber friends uses her blog to show gratitude and we wouldn’t cope  without such a wonderful Team who have supported us to find our way on this journey. Once again sincere apologies to anyone who I have missed out on today’s post but you know who you are!

Please note:  I am short of time and have not provided any links to Kate Swaffer or Irving Kirsch on this post: they are well worth following up on Google.

Footnote:  I just couldn’t resist that photo.  Did I ever mention that Coventry City won the FA Cup in 1987?

Further Footnote: 8.15 am the attack continues with a vengeance that I have not seen before: another type of circus.  Where are the clowns?