Wanting to go home is a common theme of Maureen’s presentation: particularly as she wakes after a sleep.  Her pleas to be taken home were heart wrenching yesterday afternoon.  As she wandered around the house collecting her belongings I knew I had a struggle on my hands but despite my best efforts I couldn’t console her.  It was after office hours so I had to come up with a novel solution to distracting my wife:

1. Serve up an egg and beetroot sandwiches on stale bread.
2. Reach for an avocado and bad mouth the supermarket because it has gone off.
3. Offer meatballs on pasta and hear: ‘its flour and water’.
4. Serve quorn burgers with cheese and fried onions that are a delight.
5. Create a mouth-watering sweet with banana, raspberries and cherry yoghurt.
6. Play a Nat King Cole L P
7. Run down the garden with a colander on your head as a reminder of my antics on a romantic and wet camping holiday.

If my Seven Point Plan hadn’t worked I was thinking of ringing for a taxi and asking the driver to drop her off.  What else could I have done with Maureen’s car on gardening leave?

I have used a bit of humour to start this post because there is nothing funny about Maureen’s presentation.  When your wife compares you with Hitler for encouraging her to sleep in her newly made bed or accuses you of bringing whores back here that doesn’t bring a smile to your face.  Seeing the concern on Maureen’s face as she stumbles from room to room trying to find where she sleeps is upsetting to say the least.  When you see that the bag she was clinging to when she packed to go home was full of make-up you realise how bad things are at the moment: she hasn’t used make-up since stroke.

As I watch Maureen’s capacity decline at an alarming rate it is little consolation to be frequently praised by professional staff for my efforts.  My Admiral Nurse was on annual leave yesterday, and our social worker was unavailable, so I had a lengthy chat with Gilly the Manager of The Home Treatment Team.  She confirmed that I was on the right track with how I was reacting to Maureen’s preference for sleeping downstairs or by herself.  Gilly also thought parking the car with our mechanic was a good idea.  She also agreed that I needed to let Maureen to go out by herself, despite advice to the contrary from an Occupational Therapist.

I’m not always sure that I am doing a good job as Maureen’s Care Partner: trying to preserve independence and maintain her safety stretches me to the limit.  What I do know is that last night Nat King Cole combined with the ‘Colander Trick’ saved my bacon and my job here as Head Chef!

It’s now 5.30 am and Maureen has returned to her theme of ‘wanting to go home’.  I realise that this is not sundowning it’s a plea to see more of her loved ones.  This is something that needs to be addressed.  It is simple for me to keep to my side of the bargain and visit family in other parts of the country: much easier than when you are not working or raising young children.

Our visits will allow us to explore whether we would be better off moving from this area to see if Maureen can find a place where she feels at home.  Opportunist that I am the car can be picked up shortly and we could be on our way by lunch-time: procrastination is the thief of time.  As we had hoped to be in Coventry for Lisa’s birthday next weekend heading towards Durham would be a sensible option today.

When Chloe ‘Girl Friday’ arrives in a couple of hours I will chat over how things are going.  Along with her colleagues Charlotte and Gail they are the real experts on Maureen’s presentation.  They are the only people apart from me who are dealing with Maureen’s rapid decline.  Therefore Chloe will be my point of reference before I make my next move on helping Maureen to go home: how ironic that the lowest paid are the real experts on dementia.