All posts by It's My Time Now

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About It's My Time Now

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and developed mixed dementia. I was her Care Partner until she passed in October 2025. This Blog has told the story of life as a Care Partner and now focuses on the aftermath of dementia.

Dementia: Doubts and Misgivings

I know I have a tendency to go by first impressions but I think my hunch about Ladysmith Care Home was correct: it’s still looking good. When I chose Maureen’s room on the morning prior to her taking up residency I developed a positive feeling about the place. I spent over three hours there yesterday and I have seen she is in safe and skilled hands.

Whenever I have visited my mother and brother in their respective Homes in Coventry I always watch what is going on.  They are both being well looked after yet there is room for lots of improvement.  On occasions I have seen red flags that in my opinion would not pass inspection.  I have yet to see anything at Maureen’s Home that gives me any cause for concern.  In fact the place oozes person-centred care in theory and practice.

Maureen sees things rather differently; believing I have put her away because I don’t want her at home any longer.  She also says that residents are ‘treated like idiots, therefore they have become idiots’.  She spends a lot of her time trying to support fellow residents who she feels are not being well treated by an unhelpful regime.

During my visits my status with Maureen has ranged from hero to zero.  When she first saw me she broke down because she believed I had abandoned her and left her there to rot.  Once I had been with her for a while doubts arose and recriminations followed.  She is clearly suspicious about what I’m up now I am out of sight for most of the day. 

The next few days are full of opportunities to move forward on our journey.  We all need to take one day at a time and tread very carefully if this period of respite is to have a productive outcome.  Our approach has to remain person- centred as we try to determine the next steps on this arduous journey.  It is an opportunity for us all to put our money where our mouth is and do everything we can to preserve Maureen’s independence.

I couldn’t make it any clearer to Maureen than Errol Brown does it in this song:

However, I’m not naive enough to believe I can do it by myself:  it’s going to be a Team effort with a combination of family and professional support.

Dementia: BOGOF

I returned a couple of hours ago from a cycle ride to see ‘Wills’.  He’s been staying overnight with ‘the best grandmother in the world’ who also happens to be Maureen’s aunty.  Clarice has been a great help from the time I suspected Maureen had memory problems.

One of the things I’m doing during this period of respite is  to compare notes with those who have have cared for a love one who has dementia  When I was sharing experiences with my sister in law yesterday her I was reminded of our good fortune.  My brother John was sectioned after his behaviour in respite and has never seen the light of day since.  I also had a lengthy chat with my sister about mum and how my family in Coventry are supporting her as dementia progresses.

Blogging has opened up a Pandora’s Box of experiences from others who are on various stages of a similar journey to ours.  When I saw the Prince this morning I had fun playing with a lively lad and once again drew on the wealth of experience from someone who loves Maureen and can identify with our current dilemmas: a sort of BOGOF opportunity. 

Another focus at the moment is trying to improve my general fitness and lose a little belly fat.  I didn’t realise Rachel, William’s mother, would be at Clarice’s or she was trying to improve her shape and fitness.  She talked to me about the SeanT programme so then my visit to Clarice’s became BOGTF.

Good news: Maureen’s Care Home have agreed this afternoon would be a good time to make my first visit and I will be along to see her shortly.

 

Dementia: Seeking Explanations

I was very grateful that Marie from the Home Treatment Team found time to phone me last night to tell me that Maureen remains settled.  It is important to remember that this is a Crisis Team which is often stretched to the limit responding to situation far worse than ours.  That is why we need to minimise our contact with them and respect the nature of their work.

I was so pleased to hear that Marie had been able to take Maureen out for a walk.  She will find it very difficult if she is deprived of the fresh air she seeks whenever she gets the opportunity.  Marie tells me that Maureen has not lost her sense of humour doubting that I have been doing some Spring Cleaning: ‘fat chance of that’ she replied to explanations about where I was and what I was doing.

I suddenly realised this morning the answer to what Margaret from the HTT asked me on Friday evening.  She wondered what might have triggered the events of the previous day when Maureen accused Sarah of ‘picking her up off the streets and imprisoning her in a strange house’. The hints are there from later in the day when she told me that Chloe was trying to get her to shower and wash her hair.  Quite simply: Maureen is fed up with being told what to do.  To her it must seem like a return to a previous life where she says she was bullied and manipulated for years.

Maureen wants her independence back so that she can exercise choice in her life.  She may have dementia but that is not a reason rob her of independence. Once she settles and the antibiotics sees off her infection we need to explore how to give her the independence she craves.  How fortunate Maureen is being supported by a HTT team that delivers person-centred care by seeking triggers for presentation rather than medication to control behaviour.

I managed to squeeze in a late evening visit to Cleefest.  I only heard a tribute to Abba but managed to see ‘The Saturday Night Bee Gees’ on stage.  They didn’t cover one of favourites from the Brothers Gibb so it my belated post on my Good Music page.

 

Dementia: Good News

I have just had my second telephone conversation with staff at Maureen’s Care Home and they report she remains settled.

We have agreed that I will not visit today and will review my presence tomorrow morning.

I have also agreed to drop off a ‘This Is Maureen’ briefing sheet for staff later this afternoon: more detail will follow in the next few days.

In the next few days I plan to sort out some pressing matters and take rest so I am able to face whatever lies ahead with confidence.

Dementia: In Safe Hands

As the Home Treatment Team prepared to take Maureen to a Care Home yesterday Amanda turned to me and said: ‘this is a positive you know’.   I reassured her that I saw things in that way and thanked her for the sensitive way her and Margaret had eased Maureen into accepting she needed more support than I could give her.

I have already waxed lyrical about the HTT in previous posts by reflecting on their person centred style of care.  There is no doubt in my mind that Maureen is in safe hands: I wouldn’t have let her go otherwise.

Yesterday was the second time I had visited her Care Home and my earlier positive hunch was confirmed.  What Maureen now has is residential care under the auspices of the HTT: it doesn’t get much better than that.

I think it is likely that I have met or spoken to most members of the HTT.  Gilly the Manager of the Team spent an hour and a half with us the weekend before last.  Maureen’s medical treatment will be overseen by Dr Kokton; an excellent practitioner who we know and trust.  I therefore have every confidence that there will be a positive outcome from Maureen’s time in the Care Home.

It is unclear how long Maureen will spend in the Care Home but  it is reassuring to know  she is in safe hands as we try to figure out which way to go on this unforgiving journey.  

The HTT is a Crisis Team with a very demanding brief.  We are very fortunate that Maureen is now under their direct care: we need to leave them to get on with their job. That means I take their advice on when to make my first visit to see my wife.

Maureen is with others whose condition is much further progressed than hers.  Care Home personnel are responding to demanding situations from the beginning to the end of their shifts.  I made my one and only call to them last night to hear she was settled.  I have told the Care Home only to phone me in an emergency.  We all need to be patient and await a positive outcome from Maureen’s time in the care of the HTT.

There is much clearing up to be done here after the events of the last few days and many personal things I need to focus on.

I will continue to blog details of how things are going.

 

Dementia: I Count My Blessings

Apparently Friday is always a busy day for our Home Treatment Team: today has been no exception.  They arrived as scheduled at 5 pm and an hour later Maureen was quite happily going with them to a local Care Home where they have dedicated beds for assessing clients.  I checked the place out this morning and selected Maureen a room with a good view of the gardens.

It has helped that two of Maureen’s aunties have similar infections and she is keen to avoid problems with her kidneys.  Staff from the HTT visit the Home every day and will advise me how things are going and when it is sensible for me to visit.

As always I count my blessings that we enjoy such excellent support in the Grimsby and Cleethorpes area.

Dementia: Early Morning Mayhem

I was awoken at 2 am by a racket going on downstairs.  Maureen was shouting all sorts of abuse at someone who was’ holding her prisoner in a strange house’.  In short the night sit has not gone well and I have only had a couple of hours’ sleep; which is more than Maureen has had in the last 24 hours.

It is fortunate that the Care Agency sent such a skilled carer to do the night sit.  Sarah is relatively new to Home Care and she is a natural with her calm considered manner.  I hate to think what might have happened if Maureen had not been handled by such a skilled practitioner.

I do not have the time or energy to detail what went on from 2 am.  It took us a long time to calm Maureen down and we summoned support from a number of quarters.  She is totally exhausted now: medical intervention may be needed so that she can get some much needed rest.

I will speak to social services this morning to try to find a way forward that gives me the rest that I need so I can continue to look after Maureen in our own home.

 

Dementia: ‘You Are Not Alone In This’

I have just returned from an appointment with Dr Munjal to discuss my sleep deprivation and Maureen’s presentation.  I will meet with him on Wednesday to give a progress report on my Carers Assessment meeting on Monday.  Then it has got even better with an E Mail confirming that a night sitter will be here from 10 pm until 7 am tonight.  It’s so helpful to have a Specialist Social Worker who understands dementia and goes the extra mile to support carers.  Hopefully I will be able to pack myself off in the spare room and leave the carer to support Maureen and get a good night’s sleep.

The services here reflect something that Margaret from the Home Treatment Team said to me yesterday: ‘you are not alone in this Paul’.  It is reassuring that there is so much support to call upon here: in  other areas of the country there is little or nothing.

 

Dementia: Bribery and Corruption?

On Monday I made a mistake and turned up an hour early for a physio appointment, so I went off to do some shopping.  I joked with the receptionist that I would bring her an ice cream on my return.  She was rather surprised when I returned with a pack of six.  It was a small way of saying thank you to staff at St Hugh’s Hospital for the treatment I have received  over the years.

Harrison House, the local Mental Health Unit, is across the road from St Hughs and I decided to drop them off some ice cream as a thank you for helping me to recover from a period of feeling suicidal some years ago.   They were delighted with my offering and I joked with staff that I thought they might be better than Prozac on such a warm day.

This afternoon I am due to see our G P and I hope to extend my efforts of ‘bribery and corruption’ to staff at our Medical Centre.  I also plan to do the same at our local Pharmacy who have already been trying to persuade Maureen to take her antibiotics this morning.

It is lovely to be able to help staff cool off in this hot spell as we show our appreciation for the sound support we receive from so many quarters in Cleethorpes.

 

Dementia: Having A Hard Time

 

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Unless there is progress on a couple of fronts today I will have to leave the care of Maureen to others for a while.  There is no way that I can sustain the current level of input without some form of additional support.

Maureen has an infection that is fueling additional confusion.  Her questions about the infection are relentless and she doesn’t want to take the antibiotic that has been prescribed.  A capacity assessment is needed to establish if the medication can be given to her covertly.

Her sleep pattern is making our lives chaotic and I am exhausted.  It is fortunate I cancelled my trip to Coventry today as sitting on a coach for 8 hours would have finished me off after the events of last night.  We got caught in a shower during an evening walk and Maureen berated me for not being able to run ahead get the car and save her from a soaking.  She has forgotten that running is difficult and not advised following bilateral hip replacement.  An hour later things got even worse when Maureen decided that she needed to ‘get home to her husband’.

It took me a while to find suitable clothing to track Maureen as she made for ‘home’.  She was walking at a pace I could not match and her image was fading as the distance between us grew.  I couldn’t get my mobile to function and my concern began to grow as she disappeared into the darkness.  I yelled out ‘Maureen’ at the top of my voice and she stopped walking and I managed to catch her up.  As always on these occasions I was immediately her husband and she asked me where I’d been.

On our return home my status changed when I suggested it was time for bed.   Maureen made it clear she didn’t want a man in her bed.  Once again my rest was short lived as Maureen decided to search for something in her bedroom at 2 am.  After half an hour I decided to chance my arm by knocking on her door to be told that ‘they had stolen one of her blankets’.  It took me a while to find the missing bedding but Maureen had forgotten she needed it by then.  Then I joined her on the marital bed for an hour or so  getting up at first light.

At 4.30 am I heard movement upstairs as I tidied up the kitchen.  As I met Maureen on the landing she said ‘can we go home today?’  I dodged her plea with excuses about being too tired to drive very far and used my stock phrase: ‘we’ll have an easy day around here today’:  how lovely it would be if our lives were so simple.

Maureen wants to see the G P this morning to gain an understanding about her infection and why she needs medication.  I need to ask our social worker for a capacity assessment concerning medication as the constant battle over tablets is exhausting.  We also need help from somewhere to try to establish reasonable sleep patterns otherwise some form of temporary separation beckons.