I heard Maureen crying at 2 am this morning. When I asked what was wrong she said: ‘I’ve been having a bad dream’. Once again she was trying to work out if her only daughter was dead. After a short while, she said ‘It’s true: she’s dead isn’t she’.
Music is one way of dealing with our grief this morning.
Denise loved Irish music so this one is very appropriate:
She was also was very fond of Reggae, particularly this one from Bob:
The consensus of opinion is that Maureen’s dementia rules out grief counselling. To an extent, I can empathise with Maureen’s loss as my first wife died at the age of 29 wasting away with cancer just like Denise. I know that talking to Maureen about the happy times we spent with her daughter reminds her of a beautiful woman: a chip off the old block!
If distraction is needed this morning our weekly trip to Freeman Street Market should do the trick. Maureen will be in her element as she chats to stallholders as we buy fruit and groceries for the week. Then it’s on to Aldi to ensure the in-house chef that cupboards will be well stocked for his exploits. Clee Medical Centre was excellent again yesterday, with an offer of an immediate appointment for Maureen’s troublesome mouth, which I declined to allow Sleeping Beauty to rest a while longer, so a swab will be taken on Monday.
Oh dear, it may not be the Market after all as Maureen is currently looking out of the window checking on ‘her car’ as ‘she wants to see her mother today’. She is worried that ‘if someone takes her car that she wouldn’t be able to go’: another Groundhog Day may be looming as Maureen has no recollection of her mum’s funeral.
I’m getting better at not responding to Maureen when she is being downright objectionable. Last night was a classic: I’d been doing my best to help calm her sore throat and mouth and she challenged me when I woke after a nap with ‘what are you creeping around for’. I wanted to say remember me I’m the guy who brought you ice cream a couple of hours ago to try to reduce the pain in your mouth but I decided to say little and let sleeping dogs lie. This meant leaving all our 
I feel better now I have raised my concerns about the way an assessment of Maureen’s capacity to consent to sex was being handled. It felt uncomfortable that I could be accused of rape if the interviewer established that she didn’t understand the implications of ‘having sex’. My concern was with both the language being used and the intrusion into our married life. Just to clear up any misunderstanding here, in my opinion, married couples don’t need to have sex – they make love. Thankfully, those concerned have belatedly accepted that we are in a loving relationship and feel no need to progress such investigations.
I made a silly mistake yesterday and paid a heavy price. Maureen’s presentation in the afternoon and early evening became as challenging as I have ever experienced. I should have spotted the signals early on when she just couldn’t settle down and said she didn’t know what to do. Unfortunately, I ignored her as I listened to Coventry City’s attempt to prevent the inevitable relegation to Division Two. Then once we were 3-1 down the battle here began to intensify until it became almost unplayable as the evening progressed.
I have to smile when people tell me that you have to take things day by day with dementia. Those who make such statements have never been on duty 24/7 as they would have seen it’s more likely to be hour by hour. In fact, things can often change within minutes.
