It’s 2.40 in the morning and I am reeling from a rude awakening: a stark reality check.  Hence posting at all – never mind this time in the morning.  Have a break from blogging or posting on Talking Point?  You must be joking!

M went to the loo about half an hour ago and came back ranting and there is nothing I can do to help her.  She doesn’t know where she is or more importantly who I am.  The best place for me is down stairs on the Lap Top as we don’t want another screaming outburst: that’;s just too upsetting for both of us.  No I will blog and rest down here if at all possible.  Using the back bedroom is out of the question as I will explain.

M got lost on her way back from the loo and ended up in the back bedroom.  She said: ‘the people sleeping in there had taken her special bed cover’.  I assured her that no one was sleeping in there and the cover had been placed on that bed because it would be too warm on ours.  I also told her that there was no one sleeping in there we were in the house alone.  I recall her response: ‘here we go again’.   Then she said: ‘Who does sleep in there then you or some of your friends?’ She then went on to complain about: the people running this place; the poor service she was getting; and the need to get the bed cover cleaned.

This was one of those occasions when I challenged M’s reality with: ‘there is no one sleeping in there’.  In retrospect I may have got it right: give information and move on.  I also have got it right to ‘move out’ because of the dangers of being seen as a dangerous character from her past; who may cause her harm.  It is one of those occasions when I simply have to heed the advice of the Clinical Psychologist from the Stroke Team about demons from the past.  This is also one of those occasions when Buddhism is helpful.

One of the central planks of Buddhism is to move away from: ‘self cherishing to cherishing others’.  To an extent my dream of meeting Teepa Snow has been shattered by this rude awakening.  So what a little dream down the drain?  The important issue is that M’s nightmare continues: dementia and fear of men. My focus has to revert to M and a reconsideration of if it is ‘too late for therapy’.  Conventional wisdom suggests that it is, but it is just worth revisiting the issue.  I have already revisited the issue of Blogging: it is a central part of my coping strategy.  Carry on Blogging has to be my mantra.  Taking a break who was I trying to kid?