I now regret not taking up the suggestion of my therapist to take up blogging when he pointed me in this direction some time ago.  Therapist I hear some say: ‘What’s up with this guy now?’. Well I’ll tell you: I’ve had several periods of depression in my life and our Medical Centre believes in ‘talking therapy’.  I will be eternally grateful to P as he helped me to think my way out of my depressive episodes.  His skilled therapy has enabled me to realise I didn’t need a lifetime on antidepressants.  I needed to change the way I looked at life.  This required me to accept that mild to moderate depression was not a chemical imbalance it was a condition: a reaction to your environment.

P’s skilled therapy came at the same time as I came across the work of Irving Kirsch.  He has proved beyond doubt that antidepressants main impact is as a placebo.  In short, they work because a medic suggests to the patient there is a tablet solution to the problem.  Changes take place and the patient believes that the magic tablet has done the job.  In my view this is dangerous ‘mumbo jumbo’.  Not only is it untrue it puts the responsibility on the medic rather than the patient.  Bad things will happen in all our lives we have to learn to deal with them: not rely on others.

There are those who are perhaps struggling with my blogging.  They may see my musings as too open: that is not my intention.  Blogging is one of my ways of trying to cope with the greatest challenge in my life: to see a woman I love disappear before my eyes.  I hope I am better equipped to deal with it than I was at 29 when my first wife passed after a brave fight against cancer.

My musings are not an affront to M’s dignity they are an attempt to put things into perspective, so that when she wakes up in the next few hours my reactions will be well conceived.  I apologise if my musings are sometimes close to the bone but would ask others to consider this simple fact.  Dementia makes no apologies it simply marches on: robbing the victim of their dignity in the process.   Leaving those who are close by feeling impotent because they are helpless to intervene.

The patients at our Medical Centre are fortunate that there is a belief in talking therapy: P’s appointment diary is always full but it is worth the wait to see him. .  Irving Kirch is now a little further away at Harvard, illness prevented us meeting last year.  There is little point explaining to  M how both of these people continue to help me, along with lots of others, try to give her the support she deserves and needs during her brave response to this dreadful condition.  My focus remains on trying everything I know to minimise her distress as this nightmare continues.