Tag Archives: Confusion

Dementia: ‘What’s This Santa Thing?’

Mixed Dementia, ,

 

Image result for What is this santa thing picture

I have found it difficult to know how to play Christmas this year.  Now Maureen’s dementia has progressed to severe I’m often caught on the hop.  She clearly has little concept of time or place and often who people are.  Thankfully, she generally sees me as one of the good guys in her life: often her dad or her grandfather – sometimes ‘Paul’.  Although the latter is not always easy to fathom, as ‘Paul’ can be the man who runs this Care Home or her husband.

For the first time in ages, we have shared the same bed for the last seven nights.  This has meant that it has been much easier to settle Maureen if she has woken up distressed.  Generally, a small amount of physical contact and a few words of comfort have been enough to help her get back to sleep.  Unfortunately, this morning has been rather different.

Maureen woke in the early hours telling me she was parched.  The usual routine of a beaker of water became an elongated period of confusion.  Her questions were bewildering as she tried to determine her reality.  She even wondered if how she would know if she was drinking poison!  It took a long while to reassure her and persuade her to return to bed.  A couple of hours later Maureen was asking me: ‘what is this Santa thing?’  I couldn’t think of an appropriate answer and left her to her own devices for a while.

A short while afterward, I found Maureen downstairs in the dark.  She seemed relieved to see me, greeting me with: ”there you are I have been looking for you.’  Then she asked me: ‘if the boys had got what they wanted for Christmas?’ When I told her I was unsure as they lived away she said: ‘they come and see us sometimes though.’

Maureen is currently asleep in the single bed in our lounge; ‘my den’.  Deprived of my resting place I have been doing some domestic duties so that we can have a relaxing day together.  What I’m still not sure about is how to deal with ‘this Santa thing’:  should I give her the presents he has left in the spare bedroom or will that only add to her confusion?

Just as I am about to post this piece Maureen has come upstairs to see what I’m doing.  She has just said: ‘I wanted to get you a present’ – I have responded with what I have always said: ‘you’re presence is my present’.

 

 

 

Dementia: Bah Humbug?

Mixed Dementia, , ,

A recent article in Linkedin caused me to think about how to deal with Christmas now Maureen’s dementia is classed as severe.   Written by Rick Phelps it made the point that flashing lights, along with lots of noisy folks around, are the last thing he needed during the Festive Season.

When Maureen and I were out walking the other day I asked her if she would like us to put up a Christmas Tree.  She responded with we didn’t need to trouble ourselves as there were already plenty around.  However, we one spot of impromptu carol singing that evening and some friendly neighbours were delighted with our efforts.

Maureen woke this morning with anxieties about not wanting to get up the chimney.  Just to ease her concerns I held her tight, told her she wasn’t going anywhere and burst into song:

Happy Christmas and a Healthy and Peaceful New Year

 

Dementia: ‘I Don’t’

Mixed Dementia,

The following  is copied from Linkedin with the kind permission of Norman McNamara:

‘I DONT…………………..

I don’t get angry, I get frustrated,

I don’t mean to shout, I want to be heard,

I don’t mean to walk like I am drunk, I just can see properly,

I don’t want to keep repeating myself,

I don’t want to keep having “Little Accidents” so embarrassing,

I don’t want to see things that others cant see

I don’t want to be frightened to death

I don’t want to scream and shout every night,

I don’t want to hurt you when I am fighting in my sleep,

I DONT WANT TO DIE

I DONT WANT DEMENTIA, DO YOU ??

Norrms Mc Namara Diagnosed with dementia ‘

 

Dementia: What’s Good For The Cat!

Mixed Dementia, , ,

 

Image result for What's Good For The Cat picture

It is always good when you have placed a loved one in a Care Home to hear that they have settled.  During my time at Madhyamaka, I phoned up Alderlea Care Home several times to hear such reassuring words.  However, once I got my first stint of dental treatment out of the way yesterday I decided to ‘pop’  to see my ‘settled wife’.

I telephoned before my early afternoon visit to check that my presence wouldn’t upset the apple cart.  I got the green light along with a request to bring in some additional clothing as she was currently clad in her dressing gown and Pj’s.  What they didn’t add was that her top was back to front and her pants inside out.  She also had socks on and one slipper that didn’t belong to her.

Maureen seemed very settled when I saw her singing Christmas Carols as she stood trying to adjust her attire.  She didn’t seem particularly interested that I had turned up as she sang along to one carol after another.  I eventually joined her on a sofa and held her hand for a while – she told me ‘we didn’t need permission’ for such behaviour.   I only stayed for an hour as I had to return for further dental treatment.

Maureen was far from settled when I returned to Alderlea around 8 pm.  She was very distressed that she would need to ‘sleep on the floor because there were no beds available at her hotel’.  She was very pleased to see me and introduced me to a couple who had been looking after her.  Maureen mistakenly believed they were deaf and dumb.  She continued to make hand signals to them for a while but eventually joined in with the gentleman when he burst into song.

Maureen told me that she was exhausted as she had been walking around all day.  However, when I eventually found her room she couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  At ten ‘o’ clock I was encouraged to go home so that staff could get on with their night time routines.

I have only had a glimpse of what it is like to be ‘settled’ in Alderlea Care Home.   My initial impression is that staff are constantly under pressure to meet the complex needs of their residents.  Last night a resident had fallen and staff had to focus on keeping her comfortable until the paramedic arrived.  They would have missed some of the things that I saw going on and they would have been unaware that Maureen received more than her fair share of vitriol from another resident whose ‘tiredness’ had apparently taken its toll on her presentation.

My Admiral Nurse told me some time ago that ‘she wouldn’t leave her cat with someone she didn’t know’.  Hearing your wife is settled can be reassuring when you are away from home – seeing what that means is another matter.  To use the local lingo you can guess where I will be ‘popping’ or even ‘nipping’ to in the next few days.  I have to check if they are ‘kitten’ me!

 

 

Dementia: Three Sleeps To Go!

Mixed Dementia, ,

 

Image result for Three Sleeps to Go PictureI’m counting the nights of sleep until Wednesday; rather than looking forward to the arrival of Santa.  Following little sleep, in the last few days, Maureen will be going to Alderlea Care Home on Wednesday morning, for a slightly earlier than scheduled Respite Break.  If I’m sensible I will be able to hold the fort until then after a very difficult few days and nights.

Yesterday evening, things became very challenging shortly after ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ when Maureen became convinced that a baby was in danger of hypothermia.  It took me a long time to convince her that the poor little mite was safely wrapped in a blanket.

During the night she woke several times; initially convinced we were about to go into battle.  Then she was searching for a missing teenage grandchild.  Later on, she was shouting for her mum because she thought she had swallowed a marble.  She then returned to the missing baby theme as I was making her an early morning cuppa.

I always try to go with Maureen’s reality and resist arguing with her concerns.  However, on a couple of occasions, I have found it difficult to provide the reassurance that she is obviously seeking.  When I told her that her granddaughter was probably tucked safely up in bed in Coventry she called me a liar.  Obviously, I got that one wrong but when you are woken in the middle of the night it’s not easy.

Today’s carer will be here at noon and I’ll be heading off to the Sauna and Spa at Cleethorpes Leisure Centre!

Dementia: Tired Of Waiting

Mixed Dementia,

The Kinks sum up my feelings this week:

On some days I can do nothing other than wait for Maureen’s reality to change.  Last night was a prime example.  When she woke after dozing on the sofa; concerned that she needed a clean pair of nickers she accused me of stealing her underwear.  When I showed her where she kept her knickers she said she didn’t want them at that moment.  Then she got into bed and told me I wasn’t allowed in the same room as her.  Four hours later I’m dealing with an entirely different reality.

Maureen called out Paul and woke me from sweet dreams at 4 ‘o’clock this morning.  She then joined me in the spare bedroom saying it was cold and we wouldn’t come here again.  Within a few minutes, she was fast asleep beside me in bed leaving me to ponder over what had been going on.  A short while later she shouted me as I boiled the kettle for the first cuppa of the day, asking me where her mum had gone.

There is a simple explanation for all of the above IMHO: Maureen is time travelling. She is going back to the time when she lived with her parents.  She slept in the same bed as her mum.  Her dad wasn’t allowed in the same room as his wife because she was afraid she would be harmed if he had an epileptic fit in the night.

I’m never concerned when Maureen thinks I’m her dad.  He sounds a wonderful man.  Unfortunately, he had passed before we met but I know I would have got on with ‘Union Jack’, as he was fondly known as a house on fire.  We were both Union Men:

As I type Maureen has joined me in the office worrying that her mum is cold.  I have encouraged her to move into the marital bedroom and found an additional blanket for her mum.  She is shouting me now: ‘dad where have you gone?’

NB:  Both of Maureen’s parents passed a few years before we met.  She has just encouraged me to join them in bed.  Perhaps, something she always wanted to see – her mum and dad together in the same bed.

Dementia: Open All Hours

Mixed Dementia, ,

 

Image result for Open All Hours Picture

I sought help at 4 am this morning after a dreadful night.  Firstly, I spoke to Single Point of Access to ask them to pass on a message to our Key Worker that things were getting out of hand.  Then I contacted a Mental Health Nurse in the Konar Suite about Maureen’s presentation.  She gave me excellent advice and suggested coping strategies based on her experience of Maureen when she was in their care.

It is possible that my attempts to provide additional stimulation for Maureen in the evening have upset the apple cart.  It was lovely to see her singing and dancing to Nat King Cole yesterday but a quieter evening might have led to a more peaceful night.

It is so helpful to have support available 24/7 when the going gets tough!

Dementia: Together Again

Mixed Dementia, ,

This is one of our favourites from Emmylou:

We had a lovely day yesterday.  Maureen was so pleased to see her GP after three weeks with ‘Witch Doctors and magic spells’ on the Konar Suite.

She amazed me in the evening when we popped in to see our old friends at Carpet Bowls.  We hadn’t been for years but she blended in as if it had been the previous week.  Our old friends were really pleased to see us again and people we didn’t know treated her with real compassion.  Then to top it all we have spent a restful night together in the marital bed.

After another appointment with a ‘Real Doctor’ this morning we could pop in to see our dancing friends.  To be Together Again on the dance floor after all this time would really be something!

Dementia: Home At Last

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Home At Last Picture

Maureen came home from the Konar Suite yesterday afternoon.

I intend to spend a minimal amount of time on social media over the next few days.

My priority is to help Maureen settle to being back home after being in an Acute Mental Health Unit where she has had a high level of support available 24/7.

Maureen hardly slept last night and is frightened by yet another change of environment.

I’m hoping my Admiral Nurse will be here shortly so we can chat about how to help Maureen settle as quickly as possible and regain a semblance of independence.

Dementia: Reality Check

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for A Reality Check Dementia PictureOn Saturday morning I received a copy of the assessments that had taken place to determine Maureen’s mental capacity.  These documents make sobering reading.   They are a stark reminder that Maureen no longer has any concept of person, place or time.  They also point out her high level of need.

The assessment was required to as part of a  DoLS Application.  Within the documentation, there are several references to the need for a robust Care Package before Maureen is discharged from Konar.  At a time when additional carer support is needed, there is nothing in place.

Yesterday, Maureen’s initial pleasure at seeing me soon declined.  She said once again that she was only being detained on Konar ‘because of the lies I had told, as I wanted to get rid of her’.  She declined to have Sunday Lunch with me as ‘ it was too early and you shouldn’t eat at your place of work’.  She then retired to the patient’s lounge choosing to ignore me for the remainder of my visit.

I was pleased to hear from a member of staff on Konar that Maureen is still their patient.  It would be irresponsible to attempt to bring her home her home until a robust Care Package is in place.