Tag Archives: Confusion

Dementia: ‘The Best Laid Plans’

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It had to abandon all my good intentions about how to spend the todayday: Action Man frustrated once again.  Maureen was quite adamant how she wanted to spend the day: packing to go home.  During the morning she emptied wardrobes, and drawers, in preparation for the homeward treck.  She pursued her goal with some rigour, with piles of her belongings all over the house.

I tried my usual distraction techniques to no avail.  Not even my best impressions of the ‘Fab Four’, along with their music on the CD Player changed things for long.  Even a smooch to ‘Yesterday’ in the kitchen made little impact on her focus.  Although she did comment I was becoming a little forward in my movements.  As a last ditch effort I managed to persuade her to join me for a catch up rest in bed late afternoon.

As I have said before ‘home’ is that place in the past where dementia did not have an impact on Maureen’s life.  A place where she reacalls being an idependent woman; not saddled with memory loss and its attendant difficulties.  Who can blame her for packing?  What a shame the map is sadly unavailable.

Apologies for this being the third blog of the day.  Tomorrow there will only be one blog about my Admiral Nurse  Heather is currently packing her bags before emigrating to New Zealand.  She deserves a special focus in my blog: as she has shone as a beacon of good practise.

Dementia: What Are We Going To Do Today?

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I recall some sound advice I received from a Mental Health Nurse during one of my many periods of depression: ‘Never go to bed without some idea of how you are going to spend the next day.’    Whenever I bump into him I always thank him for this simple piece of advice; because it works.  His advice is crucial to follow as we travel on our journey with dementia.  In my detective role ( as advised by Teepa Snow) I think Maureen’s regular query each night about ; ‘what are you doing tomorrow?’ is possibly more about: ‘what are we going to do tomorrow?’   So I always try to plant some ideas on how we might spend the following day.

As it is Saturday today there are a number of options on the horizon. There is likely to be a Car Boot Sale just across the road, and sometimes we pop across to search for bargains.  With luck I will get that fig plant that I want for my son in law.  I have also mentioned that we could visit the fruit and vegetable market in Grimsby.  We always enjoy wandering around the stalls, as there is a feeling of going back in time in such surrounding: an escape from the impersonal nature of Supermarkets.

At this time of the morning I really have no idea how we will spend our day.  The important thing is I have planted a few ideas that may just come to fruition.  It is bad enough when you are depressed and you can’t think how you are going to spend your day.  Such thoughts even surface when you are retired and have the whole day before you.  I would guess that none of these situations are comparable to having dementia, and not being able to remember how you used to spend you days. However you have to remember all of this is speculative: I am only a budding detective with limited experience of being a Care Partner to someone with dementia.  On the other hand perhaps I am gradually becoming the back up brain (BUB) that my pen friend Kate (Swaffer) has patented in Australia.

Dementia: It’s Just Another Day

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Maureen and I have never regarded it as important to celebrate our birthdays with anything special.  We are much the same about Christmas.  I always say to her that her presence is my present.  We have often been away around Christmas and joked that: ‘I paid for your holiday and you paid for mine.’

For a few years we gave each other cards from a selection of those we had sent and received in previous years. However, yesterday was rather different from previous Wedding Anniversaries.

During the early part of the morning Maureen looked through her birthday cards.  Although the event was a couple of months ago she has only opened her cards recently.  Some of them are still on display in various parts of the house.

When Chloe, our carer arrived, Maureen didn’t mention that it was a special day for us.  In fact they spent a lot of time together, before breakfast, chatting  in the warmth of the garden. I may be wrong but I think that Chloe has an eye on some of the tomatoes that are ripening!

We  passed the day in our normal fashion with me preparing meals, and Maureen clearing up the clutter. In between we played some of our favourite music and had the odd waltz around the kitchen.  Actually it may have been a slow foxtrot; as taught by ‘Kevin from Grimsby’s’ dad.  I’m not sure Keith Clifton would have wanted to take any credit for our version and we would not have got a ‘Ten from Len’.  No matter we had a lovely day, despite Maureen being unaware of the significance of the day.

None of this is surprising with Maureen’s current presentation.  She has little concept of time or date.   Sometimes, her comments on the weather show she has no idea what season it is.  I try to ‘stick to the book’ on all of this: I only correct her if it is essential.  Putting her right about time is only really needed when I am trying to get her to bed down for the night, and she thinks it is morning.  Although she wears a watch it is too small to see, and clocks don’t seem to help at all.  I am beginning to wonder if she is still able to tell the time.

So yesterday was just another day, as far as Maureen was concerned.  The fact that it was our 17th Wedding Anniversary almost passed her by.  In fact, if I had reminded her how long we had been together she would have stared at me in disbelief.  She has little memory over many important events in her life, and that may well be a blessing in disguise.

Two musical themes on the day:

Another Day by Paul McCartney

Another Day In Paradise by Phil Collins

Dementia: Playing Your Cards Right

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It must be a real dilemma for paid carers to know what to do with Maureen when housework is done. When  I returned home yesterday Rosie mentioned that she had been playing ‘Fish’ with Maureen.  I enquired about the card game and Rosie suggested that Maureen would explain all to me later. I thought no more about it until Maureen raised concern about the game, shortly after Rosie had gone.

Maureen had no idea what ‘Fish’ was all about, and said she found the whole game confusing.  She mentioned that eventually they had ended up playing Snap, which she clearly found infantile.  Unfortunately, it gets worse than that: Maureen thought the whole card playing was part of an assessment.

She felt that Rosie was trying to establish ‘if she was mad’ and needed to be taken away to a Mental Hospital.  These fears about assessment, and being ‘locked up’ are never far from the surface.  Maureen often fears that a conspiracy is taking place to put her away in some awful kind of residential establishment.  I specualte that this is the result of seeing her father locked in one of the old fashioned EMI Wards.

Helping Maureen find pleasurable activities is a challenge to us all.  It is likley that she has forgotten how she used to fill her time.  Sometimes she stays in bed when she has no clear plans for the day ahead.  Housework often leads to complaints about: ‘it being worse than having a job’.  I am not sure there is a simple solution to trying to direct Maureen into activities that she might enjoy.  It is something that I need to think about with some urgency.

One thing is clear she doesn’t like me going out and leaving her with carers.  Therefore, she will continue to complain about her pursuits when carers are here; because she resents being ‘baby sat while I go out and enjoy myself.’  I will have to live with her discontent if I am to have any respite from being a Care Partner.

Dementia: Clear and Present Danger

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Some additional measures are now needed to keep Maureen safe. In the last two days I have managed to track her down on walkabout being shepherded back home by two kindly folk.  On Tuesday she was walking arm in arm with an elderly man; Clear and Present Danger: Bragging Rightsoblivious to any concern about her lengthy absence.  Yesterday she was in the company of a middle-aged woman who  guiding her back home.  It is fortunate that she met such friendly dog walkers on her travels.

It appears that Maureen has increased the range of her walkabout.  She is now venturing as far as the Country Park before she seeks assistance to find her way home.  Her current walkabout are now a cause of real concern for your truly.  It is no longer simple to track her down, as she increases the range of her tours of the local area.  In the past I have given her a measure of freedom before tracking her down.  The time has now arrived to review my approach to her walkabout to ensure her personal safety.

Maureen is very vocal about her independence and has indicated that restriction will lead to dire consequences.  She feels she is safe to be both left to her own devices in the house, or on walkabout.  In fact, she has made it clear that if my concern about her independence continues she would elect to end our relationship.  I fully recognise that this is dementia robbing Maureen of any realisation of the risks involved.  Unfortunately, we are no longer in a position to hold rational conversations with my dear wife.

Preserving Maureen’s independence and safety are of paramount importance, as we continue our journey with dementia.  Such matters are of immediate importance and have to be resolved before we consider the small issue of my Carer’s Assessment.  It is fortunate I am meeting with our social worker on Friday morning.

Dementia: ‘The New Reality’

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I have mentioned before the words of a Consultant at the Memory Clinic following Maureen’s diagnosis: ‘You will have to get used to the new reality.’  At the time I hadn’t got a clue what he was talking about.  Eighteen months down the road and Maureen’s reality can be grasped from her words below:Featured image

  • ‘Other people keep moving my things from where I have left them.’
  • ‘Why do people have children if they can’t afford to buy them clothes.  Haven’t my parents got any money?’.
  • ‘Where is my mum?  Why doesn’t she come to see me?’
  • ‘Why don’t my children come to see me?  Don’t they know where we live?’
  • ‘Have any of my family ever been here to this house?’
  • ‘How do I know we are married?  Where is the Marriage Certificate and wedding photos?’
  • ‘Please tell me where we met?’
  • ‘Where are the other people who own this house?’
  • ‘Do the children know where we are going today?’
  • ‘Are you going to work today?’
  • ‘What day, time, month or year is it?’

The above list is only a snapshot of the new reality.

The Counsellor at our Medical Practice puts it in a nutshell.

Dementia means having no concept of PLACE, PERSON or TIME.

Dementia: Funny Friday

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It was a funny old day all round yesterday.  Maureen seemed exceptionally tired and so we didn’t have ‘breakfast’ until 4 pm.  When I returned from shopping in the morning Chloe said Maureen didn’t want to get out of bed because she felt tired.  Chloe had taken her a drink up and chatted to her in the bedroom.  As always Chloe had smartened up the house in my absence and ironed all the clothes in the basket.

I popped up to see Maureen a couple of times in the afternon and she was still sleepy.  During one of my visits she complained that Chloe had woken her up to discuss how her brother and his wife were having discussions about the forthcoming addition to her family.  She also mentioned that someone had told her I had been drunk on the previous evening.  Rather puzzling as I had been with her all night and not a drop of alcohol had passed my lips.

Porridge was served about 5 pm; along with normal accompaniments. We then went out for a short walk to retrieve a discarded dusbin that I had spotted on a previous stroll.  Maureen enjoyed the walk but had no recollection  we were following our steps from earlier in the week.  Nevertheless, she could see that another bin for compost making would be helpful to my horticultural pursuits.

Friday fish and chips was prepared and consumed as normal; followed by fresh fruit salad and ice cream.  You will note that we are taking the advice about healthy eating seriously.  Also the glass of sherry, or two, can only have helped any stroke prevention regime.  I’d better add Maureen only had a very small glass and left the rest to me!

Maureen got into a heck of a mess clearing up the chaotic evidence of my efforts in the kitchen.  I had ‘bobbed off’ in the chair to find her disgruntled over the kitchen sink.  Clean pots and pans were alongside those that had not been washed on the draining board.  It was not surprising she had got in a mess – I had  caused it.  I have to tidy up as I go along as I am being unfair on my washer up!

It will be interesting to see how things go today.  Hello….  Maureen has just woken up very confused asking me who has been on the phone.  There have been no calls this morning.  The way she is looking at me it is likely she is unsure who I am.  She has just asked me:  ‘ if am going to work today’.   Now it’s: ‘Where is the other Paul; not you?’

Just another day at the office then………