Tag Archives: Better Practise

Dementia: Missing Without A Trace

General, Uncategorized

Image result for Little Girl Missing Without Trace Picture

Maureen took off at great speed yesterday evening.  I hastily grabbed my jacket and trailed her down the street.  Despite wearing a pair of my size 11 gardening shoes she was going at quite a pace.  When I caught her up, and handed her a jacket, she said she was looking for her sister who had gone missing whilst in her care.

We spent about an hour looking for Maureen’s sister who eventually became ‘the little girl’.  Our search involved driving around the local area.  On our return home Maureen searched the house and eventually consoled herself that the little girl must have gone home.

My post yesterday pointed out something else that is missing in any appraisal of Maureen’s presentation; common sense and co-ordination.  The snapshot approach by professionals has serious shortcomings as it is infected by the dynamic nature of dementia.  Even the most basic reader on dementia points out that ‘once you have met one person with dementia, you have met one person with dementia’.  They also allude to the constant change that is a feature of the condition.

My mission remains to minimise distress something that was made quite clear to me very early on. by my Counsellor Paul Martin.  His advice is based on substantial experience as a Mental Health Nurse on a Dementia Ward.  Paul will always be a significant other for me, as he helped me to think my way out of depressive episodes, and escape from a life-time on medication.

It is easy to spend your life criticising the approach of hard-working professionals who are often adhering to legislation and the way things have to be done.  That has never been the intention of this Blog.  Therefore, in the next few days I will have exploratory discussion with a number of players to explore if it is possible to adopt a common Agenda that seeks to minimise Maureen’s distress, whilst also protecting her independence.  After all what is the point in having a Master’s Degree in Lifelong Learning and the Management of Change if it remains on our bookshelf?

 

 

Dementia: On Target? (Week 2)

General

Image result for on target ? picturesAs our move has now been delayed I am now reviewing how I did on the targets I set for last week:

  • To smile more and communicate clearly

I haven’t had a bad week on this front with the occasional lapse: particularly when Maureen tried to hang washing on a tree and ended up treading on a freshly set part of my vegetable plot.  I didn’t smile at this escapade and became frustrated that my hard work had been undone.

  • To visit family in Coventry
  • To have a day out together

No progress has been made on the above.

  • To go out and leave Maureen to her own devices for an hour on two separate occasions

I have left Maureen on a couple of occasions almost approaching the hour mark

  • To revise and dance our routines to the Cha Cha in our Lounge

We have had the odd smooch but no Cha Cha in the last week

  • To encourage Maureen to do crosswords or jigsaws

Thursday’s carer did a couple of crosswords with Maureen and I have bought a jigsaw

  • To attempt to resolve Maureen’s shortage of clothing

I have bought Maureen 3 pairs of joggers which are awaiting examination.  The pyjama trousers I bought are uncomfortable.

The question is am I doing a good job?  I think I have done well in the last week by exploring Day Care at Royal Court and a move into Lindsey Hall Nursing Home.

I hope to make progress on some of the issues that are outstanding in the coming week.

Three additional targets for this week:

  • To explore avenues for some form of immediate respite
  • To explore  moving into single rooms in Lindsey Hall on a temporary basis
  • To explore viable alternatives to moving into Lindsey Hall

Dementia: On Target? (Week One)

General

Image result for on target picturesI have decided that setting some weekly targets is one way of seeing if I’m really doing a good job as a Care Partner for my wife. One a day seems a sensible starting point.  This weeks seven are:

  • To smile more and communicate clearly
  • To visit family in Coventry
  • To have a day out together
  • To go out and leave Maureen to her own devices for an hour on two separate occasions
  • To revise and dance our routines to the Cha Cha in our Lounge
  • To encourage Maureen to do crosswords or jigsaws
  • To attempt to resolve Maureen’s shortage of clothing

 

Dementia: Practice What You Post!

General

Image result for practice what you preach picturesYesterday was rather Autumnal here in Cleethorpes.  The rain came down in bucket loads for long periods of the day.  This meant that Maureen hardly ventured outside the door all day.

She had been very generous in the morning wanting me to do something for myself, so I popped down to the Leisure Centre for an hour.   Things didn’t go quite according to plan as the Pool was reserved for children, so I made for the Health Suite.  I took advantage of the Spa and Sauna to ease the pain in my shoulders.  It was good to feel the warmth on my body and have an interesting chat with a retired engineer who shared my views on the damage that Margaret Thatcher’s regime had done to manufacturing in Britain.

This morning I have struggled with Maureen’s constant question about ‘where is everyone else?’  Around 3 am she was asking about particular individuals, including her departed daughter.  Later on she seemed to be concerned that we were alone in ‘this place’.  It is easier to respond when it is still dark outside as I generally say: ‘they are asleep and we need to try to get some shut-eye’.

I’m getting a little better at not always absorbing Maureen’s challenging presentation.  However, on some occasions I lie awake thinking about how to respond when she is distressed when I would be better to park my thoughts and practice what I preach!

 

Dementia: Strictly Transformed

General, Uncategorized

Image result for Strictly Come Dancing Picture

It took over an hour for the three of us to transform out lounge/bedroom yesterday morning.  It now seems far more spacious, with a dance floor emerging in exactly the right spot.  Maureen and I were too tired last night but I hoping that we will soon be ‘tripping the light fantastic’ in our new Dance Studio.  I have already dusted down the DVD’s to remind us of the steps in a first move to returning to our Social Dancing Group.

The other good news from yesterday is that I returned from an evening trip to Tesco with some remedies for Maureen’s sore mouth and tongue.  We now have a mouthwash that compliments the Gengigel gel recommended by our dentist during a previous outbreak.  I am  hoping that a softer toothbrush and Corsodyl toothpaste will help bring Maureen some relief and possible cure from what threatens to become a chronic condition.

We have cancelled today’s Carer Sit as we are planning a trip to Louth a small Market Town a short distance away.  When we have had enough of wandering around the shops we can visit nearby Hubbard Hills for a walk in beautiful surroundings.  If the sun comes out  we will be able to watch young children enjoying themselves in a stream that flows through the area.

I realise that it could be one of those days when the best laid plans fall by the wayside.  Maureen has already been stressing that she wants to ‘go home’ but for once has said ‘there is nowhere to go’:  so your guess is as good as mine as to where we will be by noon!

 

Dementia: ‘Winging It’

Mixed Dementia

Image result for Winging It PictureYesterday I tried to coax Maureen to come out of her shell .  I persuaded her to move from the sofa to a nearby Car Boot Sale before breakfast as I returned some faulty socks and sought batteries for my Tens Machine. It was simple to encourage her to accompany me on my mission as helping me to relieve pain (now in my right shoulder) attracted her nurturing nature.

On our homeward journey Maureen became confused when I asked her to buy the Daily Mail from the corner shop.  She suspected I was a playing a trick on her as I nudged her forward from the driver’s seat of the car.  In the end I eased her through the shop door and she returned with the paper, along with the correct change.  The shop owner has always called her ‘darling’ and yesterday was no exception: he continues to be supportive whenever Maureen ventures into his shop.

Following a rather late lunch Maureen spent a long time clearing up the kitchen.  I’m wondering if this might become custom and practice; with the cook able to rest while his wife tidies up the clutter in the kitchen.  One thing I’m pretty sure of is that comments are on the horizon about clearing up my mess as I go along, rather than leaving the kitchen like a bomb-site.

Maureen took to the sofa for most of the evening; waking a couple of times complaining of a sore mouth and tongue.  On one occasion she told me it was pointless me being here if I didn’t have a remedy for this chronic condition – Mrs Dementia at her best!.  She has forgotten that we have remedies at hand but none of them seem to have any long-term impact on this condition.

Lots of people are at pains to point out I’m ‘doing a good job’ and when I tell them of Maureen’s presentation they say ‘bless her’.  The reality is ‘I’m Winging It’ and she is sneezing a lot at the moment! refetced on the other day.

This morning’s reality check is that Maureen has just woken saying that I’m keeping her here and she wants to go home.  She is concerned that no-one else wants her: the loneliness of dementia- something that Kate Swaffer reflected on yesterday.

 

Dementia: Improving Communication

General, Uncategorized

Compared to Monday we had both had a reasonable amount of sleep last night.  It’s amazing how a night’s rest helps to clarify early morning thoughts and I’ve had my thinking hat on from 4 am.

I have decided to withdraw from the Blogging, Branding and Growth Course: sprucing up my Blog and growing my readership is hardly a priority at the moment.

What I need to do is to ensure is that my communication with  Maureen is effective.  This means I need to think very clearly about what I say and how I say it.

This video clip from Teepa Snow sets me on my way to my wife understanding me:

Teepa is very generous and produces lots of video clips that are available free of charge.  I will make time in the coming days to review my approach to communicating with Maureen by having time with Teepa.  My other focus will be on attempting to move her from the sofa and engage with those things that she shows an interest in.

It is Maureen’s brother’s birthday this morning and that opens up all sorts of possibilities for engagement.  His card remains in our address book so I will bring it out into the open. This might lead to a walk to the Post Office and the possibility of a phone call. 

I’m scheduled for a meeting with Sadie at Hica our Care Agency this morning.  I have a bill to pay for two overnight sits from my visit to York.  Sadie has now completed her investigation into some shortcomings during my three days of Respite.  I plan to use our meeting as an opportunity to build on the positive relationship I have developed with Sadie and let bygones be bygones.  On many occasions I know that Hica are now going the extra mile for us and that makes such a difference to our journey.

I have an appointment with a nurse to have my ears syringed this afternoon.  I’m planning to see Dr Munjal while I’m down at our Medical Centre to discuss Maureen’s wellbeing: her bloated stomach is still giving me cause for concern.  I also need to update him on why I have cooled on the idea of  Day Care.

Dementia: DNA In Early Morning Action

General

Image result for Pretending You Are Deaf Picture

I had to apply DNA in large amounts at 2 am this morning when Mrs Dementia was in full flow: if I had absorbed Maureen’s vitriol I would never have got back to sleep.  My dear wife was letting me have it with both barrels as she believed she had washed and dried my clothes but couldn’t find any of her own.  It was one of those occasions when there was no point in challenging her reality: she can’t even remember how to use the washing machine.  After taking a verbal bashing for a while I made her a cup of tea and left her to it.  She clearly got bored with talking to an empty room as on my return I found her curled up in an armchair at the end of my bed.

I have changed the scenery in the lounge this morning and taken down her birthday cards as they have now been up for over a month.  They are adding to her confusion as she looks at them every day and tries to work out who her in laws are. I would doubt that she will notice anything different. However, she was pleased with a change of scenery yesterday when I put a red begonia in a pot that used to belong to her grandmother in a prime position in the lounge.

Maureen swollen stomach continues to concern me and is obviously a source of discomfort.  It is one of the causes of the clothing crisis as it is difficult for any clothing to fit in that area.  I’m going to try one or two dietary changes after advice from our Pharmacist yesterday: Yvonna thinks it is possible that my menus may be behind Maureen’s bloating  

I sent Elaine, yesterday’s carer on a shopping mission and she returned with some joggers that seem an excellent choice.  Unfortunately, Maureen has stashed them away somewhere and it may take them a while for them to surface.  I thought I knew where she hides things but my detective skill obviously need honing as she suddenly started wearing her distance glasses the other day and they have been missing for months. 

The weather forecast is typical for Bank Holidays with lots of rain expected.  I hope they are wrong and I can tempt Maureen to take some fresh air today.  Yesterday was a wash- out following clothing difficulties and little enthusiasm to do anything other than sleep.

Dementia: The Importance Of DNA

General

Image result for Do Not Absorb Picture

Early on in our journey Yvonna our local Lloyd’s Pharmacist alerted me to the importance of DNA once your loved one has a diagnosis of dementia.  Her message of Do Not Absorb became particularly pertinent yesterday.

I returned home from my meeting with the CCG yesterday to a litany of complaints about Hilary the Carer who had been with Maureen during my absence.  Maureen thought she was a spy trying to find out about us with her endless questions.  I went along with Maureen’s reality and agreed that we didn’t need any more nosey people in our lives.

Following a siesta in the afternoon Maureen thought I was her brother: she asked me lots of questions about my wife and daughters.  Once again I didn’t challenge her reality and blagged my way through a challenging hour or so.  I changed things by going out to the shops and when I returned I was back as Maureen’s husband: her brother never surfaced with that shopping.

The interesting thing about the evening was we spent a second night together in the marital bed: sleeping of course.  For the second night running we went upstairs together and slept in our front bedroom as if that was what we always did.

I’ve just remembered I need to pop into our local pharmacy with some fruit this morning, as I caught one of them buying a stash of biscuits the other day.  Someone needs to remind them about healthy eating: they can’t always expect ice cream as a sincere token of our thanks for such excellent support.

Dementia: He Wanted Bambi

General

It is time to take the plunge for a while and see what progress I can make on the meaningful activities I listed yesterday.  I’m going for it in a big way this morning as I have already laid out a summer outfit for Maureen to wear today.  It is just possible that the prospect of seeing her G P will entice her to get out of her usual outfit but I wouldn’t put money on it.  In fact getting her to see her G P is far from ‘a banker’ but I can kid her that the main purpose of going to Clee Medical Centre is to get my ears syringed.

If we make it to Cleethorpes we will be spoiled for choice with lots of options for meaningful activities.  We both need a ‘hair do’: mine a simple trim; Maureen something more extensive.  Visits to the chiropodist and dentist are also outstanding.

With the prospect of going out this morning we have decided to cancel the carer sit.  This will address Maureen’s ongoing concern that we need to do more things as a couple rather than being saddled with strangers in our midst.

If going is good today I will return to yesterday’s theme of an imminent trip to Coventry.  Yesterday Maureen seemed keen on catching up with some grandchildren we haven’t seen for a while.   I’m hoping that reminding her of some of their special phrases as young children will do the trick: ‘don’t ike it want Bumbi’ the words of a certain young man (now aged 22) when he was frightened by E T and wanted to watch a Bambi video instead!

I hope that in the next few days I can steer away from repeating the familiar tales of the daily challenges of dealing with Maureen’s presentation and outline how meaningful activity is helping us to rediscover The Good Life.

Edit: Superb service as always from Clee Medical Centre we have an appointment at 11 am this morning.