Maureen came back in a big way yesterday and confined Mrs Dementia to the dustbin until it was time to go to bed.  I wasn’t at all surprised that I was sent to the Boys Dorm at 1o.30 pm as she would have been exhausted after a very busy day.  Once we were upstairs she once again asked where the girls were so I took my cue and hot- footed it to the spare room.  This morning I heard Maureen crying out as she asked Denise, her daughter who has passed, if it was time to get up.  A quick cuddle and a cuppa did the trick and she was safely in the land of nod.

Today will be the first day for almost a week that Chloe has been on duty.  I have deliberately kept carers at bay so that we could get our home back for a while.  It’s not surprising that Maureen thinks it’s a Care Home with ‘ladies’ as she calls them here every weekday.

Some of my friends on Talking Point  have often questioned my judgement: quite rightly on occasions.  Certain members of my family have raised their eyebrows at my approach: one even suggesting ‘I haven’t got a clue’.  So take breath before you read this: we are now curtailing the amount of carer sits by terminating the presence of carers on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s.  Yes: we are reducing Local Authority funded carer sits by 6 hours a week.

Our Dementia Specialist Social Worker: Flexible Sue as I now  call her fully understands our strategy and she is never one whose sole concern is to manage budgets.  We have both finally understood Maureen’s plea to ‘want to get her home and  life back’.   It is possible that carer sits may be reduced even further as Maureen’s recovery from stroke continues.

Flexible Sue has kindly offered to support me as I try to ensure that Person Centred Care is applied across the board.  The Home Treatment Team provide daily mentorship as I try to get my own house in order.  They think my plan to continue an assessment of Maureen’s capabilities is sound and like my ideas about including carers in this process.  Once we have spent a week or so taking a look at Maureen in action I hope we can arrive at a consensus on the way forward.

The photo below puts some ‘meat in the sandwich’ of my thinking.  Actually it was cheese but no matter:

Maureen offered to make me a cheese sandwich yesterday afternoon.  I fell asleep as she had been in the kitchen rather a long time.  When I caught up with her it was clear she had struggled.  There were three sandwiches scattered around the kitchen I found the one above in the fridge. She had done her best: no harm had been done and nothing wasted – in fact plenty for another day.  Nevertheless, there had been purpose in her life for the last half an hour or so.  Our focus needs to be in helping Maureen to find more purpose than being tied to the kitchen sink.  I have every confidence that with the support I have at my disposal we are up for it!

I couldn’t let today pass without mentioning two good men.  Maureen and I both had fathers who were called Jack.  When I worked at the Morris, later to become British Leyland, I was always known as Jack’s son even though his name was John.  Maureen’s sister is still known as Union Jack’s lass whenever she bumps into those men who knew her of her dad’s activities in his days at the Raleigh.

I never had the pleasure of meeting Maureen’s dad as he had passed before we met. However from the stories she has told me he was a wonderful father just like mine.  The other thing they had in common is they were both active trade unionists.

Both of our fathers didn’t mince their words and were outspoken in their beliefs.  We are both proud to have had fathers who had no truck with liberal political correctness. 

Happy fathers’ day to two Jacks: we try to be chips off the old block.

I’m wondering if a change of scene would help us both on this sunny morning here in Cleethorpes.  Maureen has slept a lot in the last couple of days and hardly been out the door for more than the odd half an hour.  As you will see from my Niceness page I needed support yesterday to try to fathom what was going on here.

The warmer weather gives me a chance to see if Maureen will consider a day out.  As it is father’s day she might want to venture as far as Nottingham to see her brother and sister. Coventry might be a bridge too far so it’s unlikely I’ll be able to visit some familiar haunts to remind me of my dad.

We are fortunate that we only need to venture into Cleethorpes to reminisce about our respective fathers: Maureen lived here as a child for a couple of years and my dad came to see us here, along with my mum, on several occasions.  So a walk on the Prom would be nice and if we called in at Kew Road, where Maureen used to live, and the RAF Club to remind us of the Rear Gunner, we would both enjoy fond memories of two good men.

Dear me I almost forgot this which I have added an hour after my intial post:

I have sent the following E Mail to relevant professionals this morning:

‘Hi Sue, Mel and Gilly

Person Centred Care

I have been thinking for a while how we need to change the direction of our journey so Maureen is being enabled rather than looked after and kept safe.  This article from one of my Linkedin Networks is just what I have been looking for:

Maureen is rather bruised at the moment but her spirit is still remarkable.  She was struggling on Tuesday after her late night visit to A&E at Grimsby Hospital and I needed to the support of the Home Treatment Team to help me pull through.  Yesterday Maureen was back at full throttle excelling as we worked through our busy day.

Our conversations early doors had been about living in this house: a place that has probably never felt like home.  We are both considering whether it is time to call time on 16 years on ‘holiday’ in Cleethorpes.  Maureen’s response has been exciting evidence that ‘she is still the full shilling’: urging caution and taking our time.

Melissa from the HTT called mid-morning and once again Maureen was in good form.  She had wondered if the HTT were checking up if I had caused the bruising on her face and was anxious to leave them in no doubt that I was not abusing her.  Maureen really enjoyed the stimulation of Melissa’s visit: another excellent professional from the HTT.

Maureen came into her own as we dealt with the raised paving slab that had caused her accident.  In the Council Offices and the Solicitors she played her part in processing a potential negligence claim.

We both fell into bed around 9.30 exhausted after a long day.  I have been up early this morning sticking to my plan to improve my sleep pattern.

Yesterday convinces me we are on the right track here.  Thanks to my dear friend Kate Swaffer we are converts to the idea of neuroplasticity.  I am really grateful to Dominique Klotz for her introduction to Kate.  Perhaps one day Maureen and I might make it to Australia to thank our supportive friends in that neck of the woods.  How ironic that they have both been in the UK in the last week and we couldn’t get to meet them!

There is lots of evidence that Maureen continues to recover from stroke.  What we will never know is if we can minimise the consequences of further vascular damage:  I reckon with the team of people who are supporting us we can give it a run for its money.

Maureen is going into Respite: she is having a break from carers coming  into our house.  We are going to see how things go by getting our home back: one of her constant pleas; along with getting her life back.

We are going to do things as a couple again rather than me scarpering to do my own thing as soon as carers walk through the door. 

Maureen has been a revelation today boosted by contact from family and her husband at last understanding what she wants.  Tomorrow’s blog will paint a very positive picture of what we have been doing today.  I must dash to stop her washing up and putting her hands in water as they haven’t healed since that fall on Monday.

Four women gave us excellent support yesterday. Melissa from the Home Treatment Team met me and made practical suggestions to improve our lives. Sue our Social Worker provided sound support on the phone. Mel my Admiral Nurse kept herself in the loop throughout the day with contact via E Mail.  Kate my next door neighbour taxied us to the hospital at 10pm with Maureen streaming with blood after a fall.

Melissa made two salient points in response to my concerns about our situation.  Firstly, we need a Carers Log of Maureen’s presentation to monitor the progression of her condition.  Secondly, I need to address sleep deprivation as it put my mental health at risk. The immediate steps I am taking will be outlined on my Sorting Sleep page shortly.

I have to tread carefully over the log as any management of change is problematic.  How fortunate that my Masters’ Degree is in ‘Lifelong Learning and the Management of Change’. I know that  Tom Schuller  occasionally pops into my Blog and will continue to keep a watchful eye on his student.

Maureen’s car was out of action yesterday with a flat battery and I wouldn’t have been able to meet Melissa without Mike our next door neighbours help.   Kate, his wife, came to our rescue after Maureen had tripped on some uneven pavement.

The staff at Grimsby Hospital excelled in their approach to Maureen’s treatment. She was treated with dignity and respect by all.  Apparently she has friable skin so sutures could not be used.  The receptionist in A and E summoned a taxi for us around midnight and we were home shortly afterwards.

I have just taken Maureen her first cup of tea of the morning and she is bruised but far from broken by her fall.  She is concerned that I won’t be able to go to work today: how fortunate that my battles to keep order in the classroom, as a Supply Teacher, were concluded several years ago.

A couple of hours ago I  responded to Maureen’s constant plea to be ‘taken home’:

She was so happy to be back in familiar territory walking down the back ally of where she used to play as a child.  It was a pleasure to see her ‘back home’ and gaining a sense of belonging once again.

Then she met Roy the ‘Head Honcho’ who is in charge of decorating up the ally for the Queen’s Birthday:

When we came across a busker in the shopping area Maureen couldn’t resist singing along with this Willie Nelson look alike to my request of ‘Always On My Mind’:

I just had a sneaky feeling that taking her back just to her childhood home a few miles away in the centre of  Cleethorpes would do the trick.  She’s spark out on the sofa now after what she described as a ‘great morning’.   You have heard of Amazing Susan in previous posts but what about Marvellous Maureen from now on: that wife of mine is incredible.