Dementia: ‘Help Me: Please’

General,

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As the Baby Alarm came alive at 4.30 am this morning I responded promptly to Maureen’s plea for help.  She had woken earlier at 3 am needing a drink and I had gone upstairs to read a novel: my latest solution to inducing further sleep.

It is disappointing that after two nights of good sleep we are back on familiar territory. Yesterday’s assessment by our social worker has triggered another night of disturbed sleep. Maureen found Gary’s assessment disturbing; worrying that they are going to put her in a Care Home again.

I sat in for the majority of the assessment.  My conclusion is that the process may serve the needs of social services but it inevitably causes distress for the subject.  In my opinion the assessment is relatively pointless: a snapshot infected by inevitable confabulation.

No wonder Maureen is scared this morning: feeling that an authority figure is conspiring to lock her way again !  It is disappointing that my priority to minimise Maureen’s distress is being undermined by a bureaucratic need to carry out meaningless assessments.

 

 

Dementia: What A Difference A Day Makes

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Twenty four hours on from finding Maureen in despair in Ashgrove Care Home she was singing and dancing along with Bing Crosby.  She astounded me as she sang along to most of the numbers on a double LP – amazing value at 50 pence from a local charity shop.

This morning she was empathizing with me for being exploited by the owners of this ‘Care Home’ – who she feels are making lots of money from my good nature.  I have assured her it doesn’t matter to me as I enjoy looking after her.

You will gather I’m a great believer in accepting Maureen’s reality, and stretching a point  to keep things on an even keel.  It is easier to go along with the extremes of Maureen’s presentation when I have energy, and I now have a ‘insurance policy’ to call on whenever Carer Burnout threatens: Ashgrove Care Home.

When I called at Ashgrove yesterday morning to collect one or two things we had left behind, I was greeted with a resounding message: ‘Maureen is welcome back at any time’. How reassuring that I now have a safety net on our doorstep that I can utilise at short notice whenever I need a period of respite.

I have mentioned on many occasions that we are relatively well served with support in our neck of the woods.  To have found a local Care Home of such quality  is good fortune indeed.  Maureen’s feelings about the place are ambivalent ranging from: ‘never wanting to go back there again’; to saying she would be ‘better off back in hospital as there is always someone looking after you there’.

Edit:

Maureen thinks Ashgrove was hospital just as she frequently thinks our house is a Care Home!

Dementia: Preventing Discouragement

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Following  a few days of Respite, including a break at the Madhymaka Buddhist Meditation Centre there is only one way to move forward: to never get discouraged as I try to fathom out the best way to support Maureen:

As Kelsang Dorde, my dear friend from Madhymaka, would say: ‘its a no brainer’.

Dementia: ‘Just What The Doctor Ordered’

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I journeyed over 200 hundred miles yesterday to hear a common plea from my mum and wife: ‘can you get me out of here’.  It didn’t take me long to consider both situations and  to heed their desperate pleas for help.

Following our usual run to Coombe Park and sharing an ice cream mum was happy to go back to Elm Farm Care Home.  She told me how much she had enjoyed her escape into the outside world for a little over an hour.  As always I told her that her ‘little boy’ would be back soon and resisted the temptation to reassure her once again that I had a woman (wife) to look after me back home.

There wasn’t a great deal of conversation while I was with mum; she doesn’t have a lot to say these days.  I resisted the temptation to give her news of her eldest son.  She wouldn’t have coped well with the news that I’d found him fast asleep in his Nursing Home: comatose in the later stages of Alzheimer’s.

Maureen looked forlorn when I found her in the evening – sitting alone at a dining table in Ashgrove Care Home.  She broke down when she saw me as she thought: ‘I’d abandoned her there for the rest of her life’. It took me half an hour to arrange the second breakout of the day.and bring Maureen home.

As I am writing I’m also trying to deal with Maureen’s reaction to being here: ‘this is not home’ – where she wants to be!   I fully understand that I will continue to pay the price for ‘dumping her in a Care Home’.  However, that is a price worth paying for much-needed respite:  just what the: doctor, Admiral Nurse, social worker, and the Home Treatment Team ordered!’.

 

Dementia: Sending Myself To Coventry

Mixed Dementia

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 3 am

I have had 6 hours solid sleep and will be leaving for Coventry after a energy boosting breakfast.

My observations of Maureen yesterday leave me in little doubt that she would not live long in a Care Home.

If I leave her there much longer her feelings of being abandoned will lead to further rapid deterioration.

Seeing my mum and brother in their Care Homes this morning will be a helpful reminder of Maureen’s stark prospects if I don’t act quickly on my return.

Footnote:

Arrived safely now waiting for Sky Blue City to wake up!

 

Dementia: She’s Not A Happy Bunny

General

Image result for Not A Happy Bunny PictureI  made an unscheduled visit to Maureen’s Care Home this morning and stayed for lunch..  It has been disappointing to hear her perception of her incarceration: to put it mildly she is not a happy bunny.  She is not too fond of me for: ‘dumping her in there while I’ve been away on holiday’.

I’m hoping to chat things over with the Home Treatment Team at 3 pm, before continuing my observations.  Maureen seems to be mixing well.   She seems popular with both residents and staff.  Since admission she has developed a slight stoop and I get the distinct impression that her efforts to form an Escape Committee with continue.

Dementia: Preventing Carer Burnout

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Image result for Preventing Carer Burnout PictureI’m back home after a very refreshing break at Madyhamaka Meditation Centre in Pocklington.  Being out of the firing line of dementia has given me an opportunity to recharge my batteries and think about how to avoid Carer Burnout.  Good fortune led me to choose Ashgrove Care Home as Maureen’s holiday home.

If Chloe, one of our carers, had not given positive feedback on Ashgrove I would not have gone near the place, as it had been in Special Measures.   That would have been a mistake: as any perusal of Ashgroves latest CQC report will show the improvements that have been made at all levels. My experience since the first time I stepped through the door has been equally positive, and I have no doubt that Maureen remains in good hands.  Ashgrove has now become a serious contender for preventing Carer Burnout with; Day Care, overnight stays, and substantial periods of respite becoming distinct possibilities for the future.

As my good friend Kelsang Dorde would say: ‘its a no brainer’

 

Dementia: ‘Its A No Brainer’

General, Mixed Dementia

Image result for It's a no brainer pictureThe last time I was at the  Madhyamaka Meditation Centre Kelsang Dorde concluded his meditation session with : ‘its a no brainer’. Yesterday’ he deliberately did the same after reading out this quote from Geshe Kelsang Gyatso:

‘When things go wrong in our life and we encounter difficult situations, we tend to regard the situation itself as the problem, but in reality whatever problems we experience come from the mind’.

One of my reasons for coming here was to experience the warmth and kindness that the Centre emanates as I sought to rest my tired mind and body.  I couldn’t have come to a better place and have now sorted out my thinking on a possible way forward.

I intend to return to Cleethorpes this morning to settle back into familiar surroundings again. The news from down the road continues to be good: Maureen is enjoying her little break at Ashgrove Care Home.  My next move -‘its a no brainer’- to share my thinking  with Chloe our most experienced carer.

Chloe has been working with Maureen for over two years.  She knows Maureen better than anyone I know and has extensive experience of supporting people with dementia. Who better to share my thinking with than this highly skilled and dedicated carer?

 

 

Dementia: What A Team!

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It took a real team effort to ease Maureen into Ashgrove Care Home yesterday.  She was at her articulate best to frustrate any plans to remove her from her home and separate her from her husband.  However one carefully construed last throw of the dice eased her way into Respite Care.

I had never met Sue, the Mental Health Nurse from the Home Treatment Team, before and it was our chat in the garden that was the turning point in proceedings.  We then played out our plans to persuade Maureen to have a look at a place that was not too far away.  Gail our carer accompanied Maureen as ‘her friend’ holding her hand as she stepped into unknown territory.  Once through the door Joanne the Manager of the Home came into play as Maureen was guided to her room.  At this point I read the hand signals of June and faded into the background.

My phone call to Ashgrove from the Buddhist Centre at 7 pm told me just what I hoped to hear.  Maureen had settled in well; had been singing, dancing and had befriended Margaret. What a relief to hear such genuine good news!

All I can do now is take it one day at a time.  We are both in places where we are surrounded by kindness and  will hopefully  get the rest we need.

Dementia: Two Songs For Today

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3.30 am

In five hours time the process of admitting Maureen into Ashgrove Care Home will begin . The Home Treatment Team will be here a couple of hours later to support me as we ease Maureen a mile down the road to her new home for the next seven days.

At 3.30 am in the morning I’m not sure if I want to get back to sleep or savour these last few hours at home together by looking at her beautiful face: peacefully at rest once again.

Listening to two of our favourites from Dolly and Willie will help me through what is likely to be a rather challenging time: