Dementia: Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway?

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for Feel The Fear and do it Anyway PictureAs ‘Girl Monday’ was off sick yesterday I tried something a little different. We needed some basics so Maureen came with me to Aldi where she seemed ill at ease, despite almost skipping around on our last visit.  When we were putting our purchases in the car she said ‘she felt useless; as she was no longer capable of shopping alone’.  She recalled earlier days where she filled up the shopping trolley alongside adding up the cost as she traversed the aisles in supermarkets.

We chatted as we made the homeward journey and I decided on some action as we neared our fishmongers.  I stood outside his shop with tears in my eyes watching Maureen chatting confidently to the owner as she took advantage of today’s Special Offer: ‘Three pounds of haddock for £10’.

During the afternoon Maureen couldn’t settle and frequently came to find me if I was out of sight.  Her shadowing became intense as the evening approached and she often sought a hug telling me how frightened she had become.  We retired at 8 pm as we were both exhausted and during the night she found me after I had moved to the spare room.  She shared her fears that ‘some people had invaded the house and were cutting up clothes’.  At that juncture, she followed me into the bathroom and closed the door behind her at a time I would normally enjoy some privacy.

I shared my concerns about Maureen’s current presentation with certain professional staff yesterday and adjusted some plans accordingly.  Our social worker was on leave and will be aware of my need to speak to him this morning.  Maureen struggled last week with Wednesday’s overnight sit and we will need to review our plans on that front in light of the fear factor.  This may not be one of the occasions to take a leaf out of the advice in the above book but the author may not have been taking dementia into the equation.

I have broken off completing this post to make Maureen a cup of tea.  She has ended up contesting the restrictions on her right to roam.  I accept she has a point and I disagree with the doomsayers that she is not safe when she is out by herself.  This is something I need to explore with others urgently.  Why keep Maureen under lock and key and be seen as the Bad Guy if this is not really necessary?

Footnote: 10.15 am I have just sent Girl Tuesday home she has a dreadful cold and we can’t risk either of us catching her infection.  How on earth carers are being sent out to work with vulnerable clients in that condition defies belief!

Dementia: Thank Goodness It’s Monday

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for Thank Goodness It's Monday Picture

This morning I have the opportunity of reviewing how things are going with Girl Monday.  She is our longest serving carer and is used to dealing with the fluctuations in Maureen’s presentation.  However, she has been on holiday for a week and even she may be taken aback by what she sees this morning.

Maureen had a lovely few hours with her son and granddaughter yesterday.  It is possible that we encouraged her to do too much and tiredness could explain the dreadful night that followed.  This morning she has returned to the theme of her memory:  she is either terrified by what she can’t remember or resorting to a reality that would not be shared by anyone else.

As always I have no idea what is behind Maureen’s presentation and when it is opportune I will attempt to rule out any medical issues.   My guess would be that panic is a factor induced by compassionate confrontation from the Care Coordinator, and myself, that denial is not helping Maureen to make the best of her life.

Footnote: Received a phone call at 9.30 am to let us know Girl Monday is ill.  Have advised the Care Agency not to send anyone else as a newbie would add to Maureen’s confusion.

Dementia: ‘God Is Watching Us’

Mixed Dementia, ,

It’s fortunate that family will be arriving shortly as I could do with a helping hand or two.  I’m being outrun this morning with Maureen being as confused as I have ever seen her.  She woke at 2.30 singing ‘God watching us’ at the top of her voice.  I soon realised where that had come from:

However, I declined another early morning YouTube party and encouraged Maureen to go back to bed: I’m getting too old for these raves.  She managed to drop off again but I had no suck luck so I carried out an early morning Spring Clean – it was surprising what I found stashed away in the most unlikely places.

I can’t seem to settle her today, she is either ‘packing to go home’ or sitting in an armchair looking distressed.  Perhaps, she will drop off on the sofa a little later and wake up in a different mode.  I was hoping to get out when our visitors arrive but I fear that may only add to her confused state.

Dementia: Happy Reminiscing

Mixed Dementia

Image result for Happy Reminiscing Picture

Maureen and I spent a lovely couple of hours yesterday evening talking about her childhood.  It is possible after 25 years together I have grasped a little more of her early years.  I sat back in amazement as she told me stories of how her parents moved about during the Second World War to share their lives with other family members.  We also phoned her brother who helped to fill in some of the gaps and share such lovely stories of their childhood.

I’ve been up early this morning remembering aspects of my own childhood as it is the 8th anniversary of my father’s death.  I have even found another version of My Old Man which I have posted on my Good Music Page.

There is little doubt that Maureen’s long-term memory is much better than mine.  She can recall events from her childhood as if they happened yesterday, where I have few clear memories of my early years.  I have written down the sequence of Maureen’s early life to help me recall the comings and goings of her family as they tried to support each other, and stay safe, during the heavy bombing of Nottingham.  When the going is good I’m hoping that we can find some photographs of Maureen’s early years to add a little more detail to the story and make significant events easier for me to remember!

Dementia: The Stark Reality

General, Uncategorized, ,

Image result for vascular dementia pictures for free

The joy of Wednesday morning has been replaced with a couple of days of stark reality.  Just as I thought I’d got vascular dementia in the bag, it escaped and the stark reality of Maureen’s condition hit me straight between the eyes. My optimistic plans of Wednesday morning were a pipe dream and are long forgotten aspirations of someone who has lost the ability to recollect.

Today Maureen’s early morning mode is fear and confusion.  Earlier on she was asking who the young woman was who came the other day.  She has no recollection of why we might need a Wednesday night sitter and says she has never met the woman before, despite it being her third visit.  Yesterday morning she told me that she thought her diagnosis of dementia ‘meant she was mad’.

It was a little reassuring when Maureen’s Care Coordinator reminded me yesterday that with vascular dementia just as you think you’ve got it in the bag it changes and you have to get used to a new reality.  She also asked me if I had heard of ’emotional incontinence’ as it could be behind aspects of Maureen’s presentation, and I confessed I hadn’t.  However, there is one thing I generally have in the bag – how to distract and redirect when Maureen is upset: Bocelli is the man of the moment:

Although I recognise that his exalted position could change and I’ll have to find the next idol for a mature lady: thank goodness for YouTube!

Dementia: ‘It’s Surprising What Comes Back’

General

It’s been another early start this morning.  Maureen awoke around 2.30 am, having gone to bed at 7.30 pm.  I followed her shortly afterward and had a reasonable sleep apart from having to rescue her when she was wandering around the house clad in blankets at midnight.   I need to check if the CCG’s plans to bring in a programme for improving sleep patterns for those with dementia and their carers has come to fruition.

As we chatted away this morning Maureen said: ‘it’s surprising what comes back’ as she recalled her father’s funeral but mentioned she had no recollection of her mother’s.  This is the first time I have heard Maureen acknowledge that her parents had passed for ages. Generally, one of her first ideas, on most days, is a desire to contact her parents by phone or letter.

Maureen’s thinking this morning encouraged me to push at a door our Care Coordinator had nudged open a couple of weeks ago, and talk openly about her memory problems.  I have to admit this is something I have been nervous about for fear of creating further distress. Having heard a professional skillfully raise the issue I felt a little more confident about taking the plunge myself. I was pleasantly surprised about the conversation that followed and hope that I have moved things on in a very positive direction:

  • I have suggested that Maureen keeps a diary of her thoughts, achievements, and aspirations – it is already on the coffee table.
  •  Maureen wants to learn how to use YouTube and prompt cards are pending.
  •  Following singing along to ‘Do Cry For Me Argentina’, Maureen wants to find out more about Eva Peron and I will remind her of this aspiration

I’m rather tired after a busy morning: thank goodness our night sitter will be here tonight. How fortunate I am to have Key Worker who encouraged me to engage a night sitter and a Care Coordinator who made it easier for me to raise the thorny issues of Maureen’s memory problems without causing distress.

Dementia: Transformed by Bocelli and Brightman

General,

Maureen was really upset when she woke this morning.  She was very concerned that ‘the lady she had been looking after was cold’ and was hunting around for extra bedding.  At first, I thought she was talking about her mum but then she clarified it was ‘one of the ladies’.  It took me a while to persuade her that there was no one else here and perhaps she had been dreaming.  Then a stroke of luck via YouTube led to a positive change in her presentation.

I had heard this song for the first time earlier in the morning:

When I called it up again for Maureen she was transfixed and we spent over an hour listening to Andrea and all the beautiful ladies who accompany him.  What a medium music is at any time of the day here!

Dementia: An Early Morning Tornado

General

Image result for tornado pictures

I was taken by surprise at 5.30 am when the tornado struck with Mrs Dementia blazing with all barrels.  My instructions were quite clear: ‘to get my things out of her room’.  Along with her husband, she had paid for the front bedroom and I had no right to put my things in there.

The storm had been brewing throughout the night with several incidents.  At first, Maureen was accusing fellow resident of stealing her clothes, a couple of hours later she became very concerned that ‘she would be in trouble for waking me’.  Fortunately, I am finding a short period of meditation helps me to drop off again after such incidents.

It is not helping that the pain in my legs and shoulders necessitates having a bed to myself at the moment.  Having your husband in a separate room is clearly not helping Maureen when she wakes up from fitful slumbers.  I’m hoping that we will be back together soon as my session in the Spa and Sauna yesterday seems to have eased things considerably.

With the tornado in full flow, I took shelter: there’s only one thing to do when Mrs Dementia is in full-flow.  Any challenge will only make things worse, even an aside that I needed a shower led to: ‘see if you can drown yourself when you are in there’.

My forecast for later is cold, with occasional showers that could become a storm if I don’t accept Maureen’s reality.  It is fortunate that Girl Wednesday Night is also available on Friday this week: if sleep interruption continues then there is a ready-made solution a phone call away.

Dementia: Five Hours of Fascination

General

Maureen has just treated me to five hours of fascination.  She woke shortly after midnight after dozing from early evening.  At first, she was rather hostile towards me until she warmed and shared her thoughts on how she sees things.

She is still puzzled why I’m hobbling around despite accompanying me to the hospital for physiotherapy on Friday.  Nevertheless, she made an astute comment which has been very helpful in my attempt to reduce my pain.  She said ‘the man has made you worse’ and she is probably right.  When the physio attempted to diagnose the problem with my legs he may well have created the back pain that is a major concern at the moment.  I’m hoping that ice packs will reduce the pain in my back sufficiently for me to be able to follow an exercise regime that will free of my tight hip flexors.

Maureen enthralled me once again this morning with her long-term memory.  Her recollection of her childhood is exceptional and puts me to shame.  I often refer her to our whiteboard list of her mother’s nine siblings to get her talking about the good old days.  She moves between her aunties and uncles with ease sharing details of their offspring and interesting lives.

As always we resorted to YouTube to keep the ‘party going’ this morning singing along to some old favourites and calling up one or two new ones to our playlist.  Mid-session Maureen started singing ‘Busy Doing Nothing’: possibly a reflection on the lack of visitors at the moment.  I scanned YouTube and found this version which we both found rather amusing:

Maureen went back to bed a short while ago.  I’m going to see if a hot shower will ease this pain in my back.  If it helps I will follow it up with a session in the Sauna and Spa when Girl every other Sunday arrives at noon.

Dementia: Another Great Carer On Board

General

Image result for A great Carer PictureGirl every other Saturday is here again for her second visit.  She is another excellent addition to our team of carers.  I was so pleased when she knocked at the door as I am in considerable pain today in my shoulders, legs, and back.  Such an arthritic attack happens occasionally and needs careful management to send it on its way as soon as possible.

Maureen seems a little worried that her fun-loving husband is a rather subdued today. Initially, she thought it was something she had done to upset me.  Therefore,  I need to do my best to be upbeat and hope that dietary changes along with paracetamol will soon put a smile back on my face.

Our Care Agencies have been really supportive this week ensuring continuity even when they are stretched to fill all their calls.  We really appreciate them going the extra mile to ease our path on this unforgiving journey.