I’m drafting this post early in the morning once again.  It’s difficult to get back to sleep after seeing Maureen so disturbed.  At 2.30 this morning she shouted out my name as she thought someone was trying to open her bedroom door.  I should be used to this by now but her behaviour once I joined her puzzled me.  She stared into space for long periods of time and asked me when Chloe, our carer, would be coming.

Maureen is doing just what I have asked her to do whenever she is frightened: to call out ‘Paul’ at the top of her voice.  What I am not sure about this morning is who she thinks I am.  I would speculate from her behaviour that she doesn’t think I’m her husband.

I managed to have a chat with my Admiral Nurse yesterday afternoon.  Mel made the point that I’m often ‘between a rock and a hard place’.  Where to sleep puts me in that uncomfortable position every night.  On some nights Maureen makes it explicit that I belong in the spare room.  This means leaving her alone to face her night-time demons. My shoulder problems add to our difficulties as it is easier to be pain free if I have bed to myself and can move around freely.

When we sleep together I’m immediately on hand if Maureen becomes frightened.  If I’m in the spare room I sleep with one ear to the ground ready to move next door if the shout for me is made.  So I’m always between the spare room and the marital bed: a hard place to get much needed sleep!