I think we made considerable progress yesterday with our plan to break the negative cycle of carer sits.  This is something that Sue, our social worker, had identified as something we needed to do.  Yesterday, Maureen and I planned things so that she didn’t feel that carers were here to ‘baby sit’ her, so I could go out and have fun.

Last Monday I made the mistake of scarpering almost as soon as Chloe, our carer, walked through the door.  I knew I had made a mistake when Maureen gave me the ‘cold shoulder’ as soon as I walked back in the house.  After all I had: ‘taken her car, gone out enjoying myself while she had been stuck in the house with Chloe’.  On it went for the rest of the day with real bitterness and hostility in the evening.

Yesterday morning was a lovely experience for us all.  We planned things in such a way that it was like having a visit from a helpful granddaughter.  Chloe and Maureen got on with household tasks, while I pottered around in the garden.  We took tea breaks together and had a lovely morning.

Around noon I prepared lunch as the women chatted away in the lounge.  At 1pm and we thanked Chloe for popping in to see us; knowing that she would be back on Friday.  Our afternoon siesta followed a hearty lunch, and the evening went almost to plan.

Around 9 pm Maureen was dropping off on the sofa, so we retired to bed shortly afterwards.  I deliberately tried to prevent her from sleeping downstairs, as that often results in difficulties when she wakes up not knowing where she is.

Planning and structuring our days with sensible routines is clearly the best way of achieving domestic harmony, with dementia around.  Yesterday was a small step towards breaking the cycle of Maureen’s reality being that: ‘I’m leaving her with carers so I can go off in her car and have fun by myself’.  My focus needs to be on minimising Maureen’s distress, and finding new ways of having fun together.

The other good thing about yesterday: Mel my, Admiral Nurse, responded to yesterday’s blog.  I knew she would and it’s good to see that my request for online support has kicked off.  It is so helpful to have comments on my review of the week: thanks Mel I really apprecaite your support!