My experience of listening to someone who has suffered stroke, that has led to dementia, suggests a number of things. First of all the fear never goes away and any symptom takes on a new perspective.  That isn’t surprising when you have had a near death experience. Then there is the possibility that the person concerned will develop a perspective that focuses on a chronic condition, rather than recovery.  It’s easy for me to suggest it but I don’t think any of this is helpful for the individual concerned.  Therefore I focus on: ‘you are recovering from stroke; just as I am from bilateral hip replacement’.  I think this is a preferable state of mind and I preach it daily.  So what has this got to do with this morning?

I think it is important for someone who has dementia to feel useful.  So this morning when my wife declined an invitation to join me on a short shopping trip, I left her the opportunity to feel useful – a messy kitchen.  I returned an hour later and she had spent the whole time tidying my mess.  While I have been out she has been ‘on the go’ the whole time.  It doesn’t matter if things are misplaced or not completely clean: she feels useful.

My wife has now taken to the sofa after hard morning’s work.  She feels good that she has been left alone to get on with household tasks: rather than being supervised by carers.  If we are to have a life with dementia we have to take calculated risks, so that we can continue life in our own sweet way.  It all a question of judgement on the day.  This morning went well: tomorrow brings another day and fresh challenges.