Yesterday morning highlighted the importance of communicating to to others that my wife has dementia.  I have stood at the side of her on many occasions when a frown has appeared on the recipient of her comments.  Sometimes they twig it – that she has dementia – at others they seem totally confused.  This can lead to embarrassment  and distress for all concerned.  Just a little person detail here may help………………….

When your memory is poor you can get all sorts of things mixed up or plainly wrong.  You may forget that people have died and ask relations about the welfare of someone who has passed long ago.  Not being sure about the time of year, let alone the day, all sorts of questions may surface that bemuse the recipient.  None of this is helpful to the person with dementia; particularly if the recipient of their enquiry has no understanding of the condition.   Following an unhelpful response to her enquiry, I have heard my wife say: ‘i’d better stop asking questions because I keep getting things wrong’.

Generally, once people know they are dealing with someone who has dementia an immediate attitude change takes place and they do their best to be supportive.  The problem is how do they find out apart from guesswork and sometimes they might not twig it.  Yesterday I managed to steal a private word and let the assistant in the Supermarket know the score. Immediately, an transformation took place and an enabler was on the scene supporting my wife to find the garments that she needed.  Before I got my message across the same busy shop assistant was merely pointing my wife in the right direction.

I am not sure if the Supermarket concerned has engaged their staff in Dementia Friends Training or we just had a lucky break. That is one issue: the other is how do I communicate my wife’s dwindling capacity, without causing further distress, when she remains in denial about her condition.  Perhaps a bit of sign language would be helpful as you can’t always have a word on the Q T.