Tag Archives: Vascular Dementia

Dementia: Thank Goodness For Our Flexible Friend

General, ,

Yesterday morning Maureen and I had two really contrasting experiences.  I had a good morning with my meeting with our social worker and Admiral Nurse going really well.  Maureen had a distressing morning  feeling that Chloe  was here as she is not safe to be left on her own .  Maureen now feels that carers are providing a babysitting service for her.  Hence her question in the evening of: ‘Are you babysitting me tonight?’

Maureen has also posed why we need ‘the ladies’ at all?  She wants us to ‘do things as a couple again’, and resents the intrusion of carers in our affairs.  She makes a fair point, and were I in her position I would be raising the same question.  One of the benefits of working with Sue, our new social worker, is that she stresses the need to keep our options open with a flexible Care Plan.

I don’t know what we would do at the moment without our flexible friend:  a social worker who accepts the dynamic nature of dementia.  She has also accepted that Maureen and I will travel this journey in Our Own Peculiar Way.  This means that we want to choose our own path, rather than follow the beaten track of the biomedical model.  I have mentioned on several occasions that Irving Kirsch and Kate Swaffer are our spiritual guides.  Therefore our views on chemical imbalance as a determinant of mood and Prescribed Disengagement as a way of life are fundamental to our approach to our journey.

It would be hypocritical of us all  not to consider Maureen’s assertion that she doesn’t need baby sitting.  She has rightly issued a healthy challenge to us all, and it needs to be given very careful consideration.  Interesting times lay ahead as Maureen begins to regain confidence and become assertive.   No complaints from this quarter: it’s all evidence that the holistic medicine that is being applied daily is taking effect.  All I need to remember is that Maureen ‘is not ill she is recovering from stroke’, and sometimes she needs to rest!

Dementia: ‘They’re Coming To Take Me Away’

General,

Sue our new social worker visited yesterday for the first time and was with us for an hour and a half.  Initially Maureen was very nervous with yet another professional in the house, on a mission to prove: ‘she is mad and not the full shilling’. That was not surprising as her last experience of someone calling at the house eded up in being ‘dumped at a mental home’. So when I reflect Maureen’s agenda was to convince Sue that she hadn’t reached the stage where she needed to be locked away; a constant fear.  Therefore it wasn’t surprising that Maureen took every opportunity to demonstrate that her intellect was still intact.  Early on she was at pains to recall when her birthday was, and that she could recite from July until February without pausing.

What is puzzling me is what profile social services already hold on us?  I would expect that there has been a handover of our case, and Sue should be ready to roll.  I am sorely tempted to ask for a disclosure of our records to establish what social services are working on.  I just wonder how they see us as a couple?  I recall Maureen being grilled on a previous occasion to try to find if her fear of men came from my behaviour?  It is so tiring for her to tell her story time and time again, and it is not surprising that she was exhausted following Sue’s visit.

I think the time has come for me to present a profile of Maureen from my perspective; as things have moved on since the proforma I used in April.  This document can only help discussions about my Carer’s Assessment and a review of Maureen’s Care Plan.

It was not surprising that Maureen slept for most of the day following Sue’s visit.  Performing to try to retain your liberty must be exhausting when you have suffered stroke and have dementia.

I had  real problems perusading Maureen to move from the sofa where she spent most of the evening. Once upstairs the old fears, and anxieties, surfaced at a time when I was on my knees.  It took all I had left to keep my cool and settle her, being extremely careful to avoid any form of physical contact as I she didn’t know who I was.  When I told her I was Paul she said: ‘You have the same name as my husband. There are a lot of people with that name around here.’

When I put in YouTube the other day Maureen was in fits of laughter at this rave from the grave: They’re coming to take me away, hah hah.  Obviously not really a laughing matter for Maureen as that is just what happened before. That incident makes life really difficult for Sue.  How can Maureen be expected to trust any professional after that little episode?

What is evident this morning is that Maureen is far from the charming person she presented to Sue.  She is aggressive even hostile towards me as she searches for her dressing gown.   She wants to know iif I have lent it to someone else in this Care Home?’  Perhaps, once again, I am ‘the ponce’ , as she put it, who conspired with Tracey to get her locked away.

Dementia: A Stark Reminder

General,

It’s three in the morning and I am posting as part of my strategy to calm down.  As I turned in bed half an hour ago, and opened a drawer on a bedside table, Maureen let out a deafening scream.  When I mentioned ‘I was getting another antibiotic’ she said: ‘I didn’t know who it was’.  The scream was so long, and loud, I am still emotionally shaken by the incident.

It is fortunate I am seeing two support staff in the next couple of days: Admiral Nurse tomorrow, and social worker the day after.  They both need to understand how delicate Mauren is, and the fears that continue to haunt her.  My understanding is that it is far too late to deal with events in Maureen’s life that have caused this ongoing fear that something dreadful is going to happen to her.  One thing I know is  I have no intention of mentioning the incident when she wakes this morning.

When these incidents have happened in the past I have struggled to get back to sleep.  Perhaps in a strange sort of way it is a stark reminder to me to try to ensure that our new support staff are aware of the how delicate Maureen is.  They would have no idea that beneath that confident persona is an extremely frightened child.  I can fully understand how professional staff have taken in by Maureen when she is in good form and full flow.

I best switch this machine off and see if music and some basic household tasks help me calm down.  It worked the last time.  I can always catch up on sleep later in the day.

Dementia: Visiting Vascular

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This time last week I was returning my 94 year old mother to her Care Home.  We had been out for a short spin in the car and visited a local park.  Conversation had been very sparse with mum occasionally commenting on the number of cars on the road.  During our journey she asked me if I had a dog?  A little later she enquired if I had a wife?  You’ve probably guessed it by now mum has dementia.

I had been unable to visit mum for a few months and she is a couple of hours drive away from where we live.   My trips are akin to the gamekeeper turning poacher.  My two sisters look after mum’s welfare and I am what if often referred to as an  Invisibles on Talking Point the Alzheimer’s Society  site.  I have to admit I had been very good at popping down to see mum, returning home, and making suggestions about how things should go on.  However over a year into my apprenticeship as a carer I try to be a thoughtful invisible.

I always try to tell my sisters if I am hoping to see mum.  When I pop down I usually have chat with them on the telephone about how things have gone.  But I no longer say anything that could be read as a criticism of their sterling efforts to keep mum comfortable.  So when mum said I could have her copy of the local evening paper, rather than skim the sports page. I wondered if she still opened the pages of her copy of the local rag?  On return home I raised this question with one of my sisters and the paper has now been cancelled.  This was a little different to my previous blundering efforts at intervening in my mother’s care arrangements.

I know with dementia only those carers who are on duty 24/7 have any idea what is really going on.  Popping in for a short period of time you only see what you are shown: sometimes what you want to see.  I also understand that even at 94 my mum will still put on a show, her hostess mode, so she doesn’t worry her youngest son.