I have never seen Maureen as frightened as she was yesterday.  It was a while before she told me that ‘she didn’t know me and was frightened about being locked in the house’.   I think there is a distinct possibility that she has become distressed by witnessing our back garden becoming a building site.  Her comments about ‘two heads being better than one and not being consulted on the plans for our Sun Room’ are revealing and justified.

I was warned that embarking on a building project was a risky venture.  Our builders are now in their 5th week of being on site and could well be here for a similar amount of time.   They are dementia friendly and very happy to work with us to minimise Maureen’s distress as well as achieving a positive outcome.

The graphic below accompanies a recent article by Leeanne Chames who stresses the importance of carers reaching out for help.  I began that process yesterday seeking advice from Admiral Nursing and the Alzheimer’s Society on how we might make the best use of our extended home.  I will also seek guidance from our Key Worker this afternoon on how we could go about reviewing my approach to supporting Maureen.

The irony about Maureen’s distress yesterday that she currently remains asleep in the marital bed.  She climbed in beside me shortly after midnight and she has never been the sort of person who would sleep with strangers.  The more I witness changes in Maureen’s behaviour the less I understand what is actually behind her presentation!

One of the advantages of living in North East Lincolnshire is that support is available 24/7 and I certainly needed it at 2 am this morning.  Maureen had already woken twice: at midnight searching for shoes that had been stolen, and an hour later trying to find her missing blanket.  By 2 am she was demanding to be let out as she was being kept here against her will.

Once outside she sought help by knocking on doors and shouting for help as she walked around the local area.  My call on my mobile to Single Point Of Access led to an assurance that help would be on its way as soon as it was available.

Maureen continued on her journey announcing to all and sundry that she was ‘being followed by a pervert’.  She was telling me in no uncertain manner that ‘I had problems with my head’.  I tried all I knew to get Maureen to go back home but as they say ‘she was having none of it ‘.  Then I spotted Jack a young man smoking at the side of his car and summoned his help.

Once I had explained the situation to Jack he introduced himself to Maureen and attempted to guide her back home.   I walked behind them for some time keeping a safe distance.  Then I received a call from Roving Night Carers from our Agency that they had us on their radar.  When they drew up  Maureen was hostile towards them and resisted their offer of a lift back home.   This gave me an opportunity to intervene; so I crossed the road said ‘hello Maureen’ and took her hand.   She seemed very relieved to see me and happy to escape from the ‘two nosy women who were asking her questions’.  The RNC trailed us in their car until Maureen was safely back home again.  However, once we were back in the house I was back to being this guy who messes with her life.

At 7 am Maureen woke up and greeted me with ‘hello Granddad’.  I think she thought I was ‘John-Willy’ as her maternal grandmother often called her husband.   I saw no point in challenging her reality and asking if he was ever known as Jack but I am very grateful to the stranger with that name who was so helpful last night!

This song from Buddy Holly came to mind when Maureen woke today at 4.30am:

Maureen’s early morning presentation gave me hope that my dear wife had come back. She had made her way up to the marital bedroom last night as I lay fast asleep downstairs.  When I met her on the landing this morning she had fresh clothing in hand and I wondered if this might be the day she would ‘get them off.’  Half an hour later reality struck and Mrs Dementia was at full throttle and I realised she would probably spend another day in her PJ’s.

As I sat typing in our Box Room Maureen was a partition wall away waxing lyrical about my wicked deeds.  Her reality was that I must be involved in some sort of game where I took her to a strange place against her will.  It is one of those occasions when I will need to take cover and left her to rant.  It wass not in my interest to absorb her vitriol

Thankfully, Girl Monday and Wednesday will be here in a few hours.  That will give me a couple of hours to myself where I can mix with other people who might share something of my reality.

This one from Frank Sinatra seems an appropriate way to close this post::

We all have to tread very warily now when we are attempting to encourage Maureen to engage in personal care to avoid being accused of assault, or even worse in my case.   It is imperative that I keep Buddy’s and Frank’s words firmly in mind as Maureen’s reality can change at the drop of a hat with my status moving from hero to below zero!

Update: I’d got it wrong it’s a Girl we haven’t seen for a while this morning and Maureen’s giving her a hard time.  I’m going to pop to Alderlea Care Home to explore the possibilities for Day Care along with a hairdressing appointment.

Things went relatively well yesterday as I tied up a few loose ends:

• I tidied up the layout of my Blog to make it more user-friendly.
• I contacted the Agency of New Girl/Sat and Sun to praise her work.
• I inducted New Girl Mon/Weds who settled in well.
• I met my Admiral Nurse for support and requested a rethink over the availability of my Support Worker from the Alzheimer’s Society.
• I confirmed with my lawyers that matters were in hand over the application for Deputyship under the Court of Protection.
• I organised a weekend break in August with Maureen being cared for in our home.

There is no doubt that Maureen’s presentation is becoming more challenging.  When she woke yesterday morning she was keen to go to school.  She told me how boys made life difficult for the girls as they were so noisy and chased them around the playground.  A short while later she was attempting to leave the house with a bundle of clothes under her arm on her way home.  My status can change within minutes from a relative, rarely her husband, to someone who works in this Care Home.  As Maureen fear of men along with her confusion about who I am has become more prevalent it is clearly safer for ‘The Girls’ to try to encourage her to engage in personal care and change out of those PJ’s!

Our builders knew that a storm was on the way yesterday and adjusted their plans accordingly.  They knew it would be pointless trying to lay bricks and sought safer ground to prevent being washed out on site.  If only I had such a luxury as a Care Partner and knew what lay ahead each day and could plan accordingly.

We had a lovely start to yesterday with an early morning call at the Spa Stores followed by a trip to a nearby farm to collect eggs.  Following breakfast, we ventured to Aldi and on to Freeman Stree Market to stock up on fruit and vegetables.  Once we arrived home the clouds descended and the storm broke over Maureen’s footwear as I had ‘stolen her shoes’.  The abuse connected with my felony continued until Girl Tuesday afternoon took over the reins as I escaped the downpour.

‘The weather’ in the evening cleared a little leading to a fine spell following haddock and potato wedges: my Tuesday Special.  Things brightened up even further with a warm spell following apricots and ice cream.  Then the clouds gathered before the storm broke following my encouragement to bring a new toothbrush into action as darkness descended upon us.  As the rain poured down I took shelter in the back bedroom to escape the torrent of abuse from Maureen about my expectation that she would join me in bed.

I’m struggling to make sense of the forecast this morning.  Maureen’s presentation is bewildering as she ‘has to make some clothes for a carnival’: apparently, something she is not good at.  I have tried to change her focus for over an hour but she is overwhelmed by her inadequacies on all sorts of fronts.

I would suspect that ‘the weather’ is going to be changeable today and I’m hoping for some brighter spells.  The builders will shortly be firming up the foundations for our extension. I hope I have laid the foundations for our morning by putting Maureen’s dancing gear on the bed.  I’m just wondering after tripping the light fantastic in the kitchen whether we could make it see our friends at Social Dancing this morning. ‘Enough Is Enough’ of the old regime it’s time to try something different.  How lovely it would be to take my Dancing Queen in hold this morning: