Tag Archives: Buddhism

Dementia: ‘Put On Your Seat Belts You’re In For A Bumpy Ride’

Mixed Dementia,

Today’s teaching is from Gen Togden the Resident Teacher at Madhyamaka Buddhist Centre:

His teachings are amazing and have inspired me at a very challenging time in my life.

My good friend Kelsang Dorde has had a similar impact on my well being.

Image result for Kelsang Dorde Picture

Anyone who opens a meditation session with: ‘put on your seat belts you’re in for a bumpy ride’ has clearly understood life when a loved one has dementia.

My time here is drawing to a close.  I couldn’t have been at a better place to calm my mind at one of the most challenging times in my life.

I am also grateful to so many people who have supported me during my struggles as I have reluctantly accepted that I can no longer provide the level of care that my dear wife deserves. In particular, Leah Bisiani who has provided exceptional support as I have walked down this tortuous path::

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I’m sure my mum would want to say ‘thanks, duck for supporting that lad of mine’.

 

Dementia: Correctly Identifying Our Enemy

Mixed Dementia

Posted at 5 am

Today’s lesson from Dekyong is: ‘there is no enemy other than our delusions:’

 

I’m sending myself to Coventry shortly.  It will be lovely to be with my mum and brother again and see how things are going in their Care Homes.  If things go well I hope to have lunch with my eldest daughter, her husband, and her beautiful daughters.  With luck, I might even spend time with my elder sister and her husband in the evening.  I think my little sister is in Rome so I’m unlikely to catch up with her today.

Dementia: Real Suffering Verses Compassion

Mixed Dementia,

Today’s Buddhist teaching has great relevance to my thoughts this morning:

When I popped into Alderlea to warm Maureen’s toes yesterday she was sitting at a table, with a fellow resident, having breakfast.  I watched her for a while and chatted to a Senior Carer who remembered me as Phil Collins the guy who had checked out the Care Home of her previous employer.  I could see that Maureen’s hair was glistening and guessed correctly that she had been in the shower.  The Senior told me how Maureen had returned from personal care holding the hand of the carer.

When Maureen saw me she smiled and said ‘here’s Paul and is Barrie there’.  It didn’t take me long to figure out that she was expecting us to catch a bus so that she could go home to Nottingham to be with her her birth family.  I was relieved that she had no idea of what lay ahead: admission to another strange place -the  Konar Suite.

I used the thermal socks that I had bought as a distraction and left her newly found carer friend to check that they were the right size as I headed for the exit.  As I drove home I reflected how within the space of three nights my wife had become a dependent child – a shadow of the woman I know!

I was very reassured when I heard the news that Maureen’s transfer to Konar had gone well.  How kind of The Head of the Home Treatment Team to let me know that Maureen had been moved by people who knew her.  Similar kindness was shown by a Nurse from Konar who phoned to tell me that Maureen had settled down to being on the Ward.

I am meeting a member of staff from Konar this morning to help them develop a Care Plan for Maureen.  Although I’m inclined to accept their advice about when to visit my wife.  However, I’m concerned that delaying things could leave her feeling abandoned in a strange and frightening environment: that’s compassion rather than suffering!

Dementia: ‘Handle With Care’

Mixed Dementia, ,

This has to be the song of the week:

  • There are some lovely shots of Tom Petty who died this week.
  • My late wife would have been 71 yesterday and she loved Roy Orbison.
  • Rob my brother in law ‘has backed’  Geoff Lynne.
  • Bob Dylan is ‘the man’ as far as my Buddist friend Ed is concerned.
  • George Harrison was always my favourite Beatle.

Maureen certainly wasn’t handled with care the last time she went to an Assessment Centre at Ladysmith Road Care Home.  When I visited her on her 77th birthday she had a black eye, a cut nose and a bruised back.  They said she had fallen out of bed – I don’t believe them!  That is why I had reservations about a planned admission into the Konar Suite.  It is the Acute Mental Health Unit for the over 65: hardly the place for someone of Maureen’s disposition. Thankfully, a good night’s sleep brought me to my senses!

I got it seriously wrong last night by trying to negotiate my way into bed beside Maureen.  She launched a verbal attack as I tried to persuade her I was her husband and fearing a lunge I recoiled and have pulled something in my right shoulder.  This is a painful reminder that if I don’t handle Maureen with care then I’ll pay the price: a fear of being attacked by men remains.  How sad that such painful memories will continue to haunt Maureen because her emotional memory will remain firmly intact!

 

Dementia: Controlling Our Mind

Mixed Dementia

I share Buddhist teachings on Sunday’s.

The following lesson seems particularly relevant to Care Partners:

 

Maureen struggled with her clothing yesterday; particularly her underwear.  She kept hoisting her trousers up towards her bust and at one time tried a belt for even higher  support,  I’m hoping Girl Sunday might be able to give some helpful direction when she arrives at noon.

Despite a diagnosis of severe dementia there are times when Maureen’s intelligence and intellect shine through.  I had to smile when I put Strictly Come Dancing on last night when Maureen said: ‘the ladies are making fools of themselves by revealing so much flesh and the dancing isn’t much good either’.  This was my cue to switch over to YouTube to spend another evening watching our current favourite in action!

Dementia: Preventing Discouragement

Mixed Dementia

Maureen’s infection is continuing to impact upon her presentation.  She sang beautifully throughout the morning and afternoon yesterday as I put some of her favourite LP’s on the record deck.  Unfortunately, when she awoke from our afternoon nap abject confusion led to a difficult early evening.

Our standoff in the street must be a familiar scene to neighbours by now, as negotiations take place on all sorts of fronts.  Yesterday, the issue was whether to walk to the local shops or use the car.  Eventually, we did neither and the suggestion of a cup of tea brought us in from the street.  I then managed to cool things down further with potato wedges and scrambled eggs.

We were both in the same bed by 8 ‘o’ clock last night, worn out after the events of the day. This morning Maureen’s infection is dreadful.  However, this is not a time to be discouraged: this is a lesson in patience!

 

Dementia: 11 Things To Start Doing For Yourself

Mixed Dementia, ,

A helpful creed to live by from the Alzheimer’s Care Resource Centre:

I’m am breathing properly, softly and deeply as I try to figure out where the hosepipe issue has come from.  For the second morning running, Maureen has been scared that ‘they are going to turn the hosepipe on her’.  I can understand that she may have been dreaming that she had left potatoes cooking when she awoke at 3.30 am this morning but where have the fears about the hosepipe come from?

Sorting out my breathing is relatively simple.  The test will be whether I can embed the other ten things in the above list within my approach to life!

 

Dementia: ‘Suffering Is Hallucination’

Mixed Dementia

Labelling anyone with dementia as a sufferer is totally unacceptable.  This lesson from Dekyong puts the whole issue of suffering into a Buddhist perspective:

Dementia: Lucky Breaks or Excellent Choices?

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Lucky Breaks Picture

Good fortune was a feature of Monday – even the weather played its part to give us a  helping hand on our journey:

  • On Sunday Maureen accidentally damaged a flat screen television that we use as an amplifier for our record player.  Yesterday, on my way to getting it repaired, I called in at a second-hand shop and bought a Music Centre that may make the TV surplus to our requirements.
  • Rain meant that the window fitter had to delay his replacement of our ‘prison windows’ until today.
  • Fine weather is forecast today so our builders will begin laying the concrete floor in our Sun Room.
  • Maureen will have carers with her from 10 am until 5 am today after one of our Care Agencies managed to reschedule hours we were owed from the weekend.  With such a busy day ahead carers will be able to take Maureen out if she struggles with the level of activity here.

Today should be another milestone as our home takes its final steps in the process of becoming more suited to meeting Maureen’s needs.

The Best Interest Meeting that is scheduled early next month is an opportunity to ensure that the level and quality of care on offer will meet Maureen’s needs – more on that at a  later date.

As I said to our Key Worker yesterday, the only CQC rating that will be acceptable for Maureen’s Care Home – our house – is outstanding!

On his Facebook page Kelsang Dorde has offered an excellent choice today:

Tuesday lunchtime Meditation @ Madhyamaka @ 12.30 pm
Become an Inner Being

 

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Thank you for your kindness Dorde: if things go according to plan this morning I’ll be with you in Pocklington by noon!

Dementia: ‘Two Things We Need To Do’

Mixed Dementia,

In the second of my weekly Buddhist teachings I offer a simple message  from Dekyong:

 

Update:

Maureen ‘brought the house down’ yesterday singing along to the Sound of Music.  Our builder even switched off Radio One and stopped plastering once he heard the Sound of Maureen.  It was lovely to hear her accompanying Julie Andrews as her focus shifted from her thoughts about a dead baby.

She is in good form this morning after relaxing in a warm bath.  I have no idea how home carers are expected to get a service user bathed in a half an hour call: Maureen is still in her dressing gown and unfed an hour after I began coaxing her in the direction of the bathroom.