Yesterday was the first time in 16 years that we have had a G P call at our house.  Dr Munjal  is well aware of Maureen’s reluctance to take any medication and spent a long time trying to persuade her to take paracetomol to ease the pain in her back.  He is well aware of Maureen’s preference for natural remedies and knew there was no point in prescribing anything to relieve her anxiety or lift her mood.  I realised that was down to me and my natural remedy was quite simple: camping..

Maureen had become so distressed from her experiences in Ladysmith Road Care Home that I set up camp in the lounge last night.  I spent a reasonable night on a mattress that was close to the sofa where she often sleeps.  That meant that whenever she woke up I could immediately assure her that she was safe.

I decided on camping after she broke down yesterday evening saying ‘she was frightened because she couldn’t do anything’.  We have been up since 2 am having a great time.  Maureen is wondering if we need Planning Permission if we change our lounge into a Camp Site.  This theme continued for a couple of hours as we ‘sent up’ the idea with various hilarious extensions to our early morning theme.

It is important for me to back off for a while as my antics this morning will have tired Maureen out but it was great to see her in such good form after such a harrowing week.  My response to her question about what I’m going to do today was the same as always: ‘we’re going to have an easy day’ – so why not take a day off Mrs Dementia and let the fun continue all day?

I know I have a tendency to go by first impressions but I think my hunch about Ladysmith Care Home was correct: it’s still looking good. When I chose Maureen’s room on the morning prior to her taking up residency I developed a positive feeling about the place. I spent over three hours there yesterday and I have seen she is in safe and skilled hands.

Whenever I have visited my mother and brother in their respective Homes in Coventry I always watch what is going on.  They are both being well looked after yet there is room for lots of improvement.  On occasions I have seen red flags that in my opinion would not pass inspection.  I have yet to see anything at Maureen’s Home that gives me any cause for concern.  In fact the place oozes person-centred care in theory and practice.

Maureen sees things rather differently; believing I have put her away because I don’t want her at home any longer.  She also says that residents are ‘treated like idiots, therefore they have become idiots’.  She spends a lot of her time trying to support fellow residents who she feels are not being well treated by an unhelpful regime.

During my visits my status with Maureen has ranged from hero to zero.  When she first saw me she broke down because she believed I had abandoned her and left her there to rot.  Once I had been with her for a while doubts arose and recriminations followed.  She is clearly suspicious about what I’m up now I am out of sight for most of the day. 

The next few days are full of opportunities to move forward on our journey.  We all need to take one day at a time and tread very carefully if this period of respite is to have a productive outcome.  Our approach has to remain person- centred as we try to determine the next steps on this arduous journey.  It is an opportunity for us all to put our money where our mouth is and do everything we can to preserve Maureen’s independence.

I couldn’t make it any clearer to Maureen than Errol Brown does it in this song:

However, I’m not naive enough to believe I can do it by myself:  it’s going to be a Team effort with a combination of family and professional support.

I returned a couple of hours ago from a cycle ride to see ‘Wills’.  He’s been staying overnight with ‘the best grandmother in the world’ who also happens to be Maureen’s aunty.  Clarice has been a great help from the time I suspected Maureen had memory problems.

One of the things I’m doing during this period of respite is  to compare notes with those who have have cared for a love one who has dementia  When I was sharing experiences with my sister in law yesterday her I was reminded of our good fortune.  My brother John was sectioned after his behaviour in respite and has never seen the light of day since.  I also had a lengthy chat with my sister about mum and how my family in Coventry are supporting her as dementia progresses.

Blogging has opened up a Pandora’s Box of experiences from others who are on various stages of a similar journey to ours.  When I saw the Prince this morning I had fun playing with a lively lad and once again drew on the wealth of experience from someone who loves Maureen and can identify with our current dilemmas: a sort of BOGOF opportunity. 

Another focus at the moment is trying to improve my general fitness and lose a little belly fat.  I didn’t realise Rachel, William’s mother, would be at Clarice’s or she was trying to improve her shape and fitness.  She talked to me about the SeanT programme so then my visit to Clarice’s became BOGTF.

Good news: Maureen’s Care Home have agreed this afternoon would be a good time to make my first visit and I will be along to see her shortly.

I have a meeting scheduled for 10.30 am tomorrow with Hica our Care Agency.

Maureen has raised with me the humiliation she felt about the way she was treated by a carer a week ago.

I also have major concerns about certain aspect of her care during my respite break at the Buddhist Centre.

It would be unfair to post detail in this forum but to say I’m concerned would be to put it mildly.

I have also logged these concerns with our social worker.