Maureen had a lovely time yesterday being Nana to her  grandson.  She was in her element as she talked and walked with Jack.   We often wish we lived nearer to our respective children; sometimes regretting our decision to move to Cleethorpes.   All of our immediate families are over two hours drive away and their busy lives mean that we don’t see them that often.

When Maureen is ‘wanting to go home’, she often says she want to be with her family.  She also says she misses all of the friends who live ‘back home’.  Unfortunately, both of us have lost touch with many of our friends and work colleagues from our days in Coventry. In addition, several of Maureen’s elderly relatives who lived in this area have passed away in the last few years.  Therefore, it is quite understandable that feelings of loneliness often dominate Maureen’s thinking.

There is no simple solution to Maureen’s loneliness.  Moving closer to family would not be a sensible option, as familiar surroundings are vital at this stage of her dementia.  We would also miss out on the quality support available in this area.  What I need to do is  ensure that we continue to have a steady stream of visitors to address Maureen’s  loneliness.

Last night I made contact with Ian Maureen’s eldest son and suggested he brings one of his children with him on his next visit.  This morning I have reminded Maureen of the fun she had yesterday with Jack and suggested that we invite grandchildren to help her decorate the Christmas tree once again.  I’m hoping by constantly reminding her how much our grandchildren love visiting Cleethorpes it will bring back happy memories from the past.

Maureen has been struggling to work out who I am this morning: she has been telling me  how strange it is that ‘Paul’ also likes herbal tea, along with constant references to ‘granddad’! Recognition may return following Chloe’s arrival: when  I will go out as the fellow who provides breakfast and return a couple of hours later as the husband who cooks such wonderful lunches.

It was fortunate that I kept the lounge curtains open last night, as I managed to see an elderly lady walking tentatively down the road.  When I opened our front door I saw it was Pat, who told me she was ‘on her way home as there were footballers in that house’.  I encouraged her to come across the road and have a chat with Maureen.   I thought two would be company and with my understanding of dementia I’d be fine: nothing could have been further from the truth.

Usually, Maureen is pleased to see Pat and they chat together quite happily.  I edged Maureen into the kitchen to explain that I needed to summon help but she scolded me and eventually retired to bed.  Pat looked totally bemused by proceedings but didn’t seem concerned about Maureen’s whereabouts.  Once she was settled in the warmth of our lounge I summoned telephone help with calls to  HICA (Pat’s Care Agency) and Single Point Of Access.

Bradley Pat’s grandson arrived after half an hour; thanked me for my help and took Pat back to her bungalow.  I had tried to chat to Pat whilst we sat and waited for Bradley but could make little sense of her responses.  In fact, I had no idea what she was talking about for most of the time.  It is possible that I’d forgotten the basics of how to communicate with someone with dementia; thinking that the lingo that I use with Maureen would be the ticket.  If only I’d recalled the tips above from Alzheimer’s Care Resource Center things might have been different.

My experience last night reminded me of the saying that: ‘ when you have met one person with dementia: you’ve met one person with dementia.’ It may also be helpful to add that: ‘two people with dementia are not always company.’