I do not feel well enough to look after Maureen as I have caught the same infection that is impacting upon her presentation.
My contact with Single Point of Access means that Rapid Response will call to assess our needs as soon as they are available.
Maureen has been awake hourly during the night. I have given her lots of TLC along with drinks and medicine. At 5 am things changed dramatically as she poured out vitriol about my shortcomings: ‘another lying, cheating man who was robbing her’. As she ranted she said she ‘wanted a lady here’. Once again she claimed I had ‘locked her in’, so I indicated where the keys were but warned her ‘it was too cold to go out’. Thankfully, she took my advice and curled up on the sofa where coughing fits have accompanied occasional sleep.
If hostilities continue I know there are several options available to me. I have already received helpful advice from the Konar Suite which will lead to a visit from the Home Treatment Team. In the meantime, I will continue to distract and redirect:
Our carer at noon is an unknown quantity: she has never been here before and we know nothing about her. In fact, Hales her Agency has yet to forward details of their schedule for involvement here for today and tomorrow.
A ‘Best Interest Discussion’ has been organised for Monday. I’m optimistic that my suggested way forward will be acceptable to all parties. Why would anyone want to separate a happily married couple?
Maureen has a heavy cough and cold at the moment which is making her presentation particularly challenging. I hope her infection passes quickly and things become calmer.
I contacted Single Point of Access -Focus at 2.30 am to request a Best Interest Decision this morning on her future care and accommodation needs .
Maureen has kept me awake for most of the night because she has an infection.
I will seek an appointment with her GP this morning to try to prevent a heavy cold becoming something more serious.
A home visit may well be necessary and will be available if needed: we can always depend on Clee Medical Centre.
Our social worker is not working today so I have requested the Duty Manager to facilitate the Best Interest Decision.
To put it mildly, I am rather tired: no Care Partner can sustain being on duty 24/7.
Footnote: Posted a little earlier this morning in a quiet moment as Maureen sleeps.
I will be talking to people I trust this morning.
The abuse of our loved ones in Care Facilities has to stop.
However, this it is not a time to issue Press Releases and return to my campaigning days
We all have to work out the best way to respond to our dereliction of duty.
In Maureen’s words: ‘we tricked her into a Care Home that was an absolute NIGHTMARE’.
However, I was not the only one who was complicit in a failure of our duty of care.
Just to add to our woes our heating is broken and its freezing here this morning.
One thing is certain once I ring Dave this morning his man will be here soon after.
It’s always important to know those people who you can really trust!
Footnote: I’m struggling to respond to Comments as I’m desperately trying to rebuild a semblance of trust with someone who feels her husband has sold her out!
I removed Maureen from Ashgrove Care Home this afternoon because she was at risk. On my arrival, they didn’t know where she was. It took me a while to discover her in an unused part of the building that is accessible and unsupervised. She was struggling to get out of an unlit room.
Maureen is a shadow of the woman who went into Ashgrove five days ago. She is very confused and is trying to relate various incidents that continue to give to give her cause for concern.
It would be unfair to detail my concerns in a blog. Once the dust has settled I will be formulating an official complaint. I’m so grateful to Jayne Connery for highlighting that CCTV is needed in all Dementia Care Homes: bring it on!
Yesterday was a good day. Knowing that Maureen was in safe hands I was able to spend time with my own family. I had a lovely time with my mum, brother and daughter along with her delightful children.
I return to Cleethorpes this morning refreshed and optimistic about the future. Maureen now needs 24 hour care, something that cannot be sustained within our home. Yesterday I made telephone contact with some of the professional staff who support us on our journey to suggest a possible way forward.
A Blog is not the place to show your hand when discussions are ongoing. However, I’m confident that arrangements can be made that protect the Best Interest of a very happily married couple.
When I called in to see my brother at his Nursing Home at 10.30 am yesterday I was told he was tired and had gone back to bed. So I moved on to visit my mum in her Residential Home. As always she asked me if I’d come to take her out but when I returned from fetching her coat she was fast asleep in the chair. I stayed with her for a while before heading off to see my brother’s wife. This is when I was reminded how respite had led to disaster for John and Jean.
Almost 5 years ago when Jean was on her knees she booked John in for a week’s respite. Towards the end of his stay he had become aggressive with a staff member; police were called John was taken away and eventually Sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
John was detained in the local Mental Health Unit for 6 months before any Nursing Home were prepared to take him. A couple of months ago he was evicted from Norton Grange Nursing Home because his wife complained they were not dealing with his oral thrush.
I was shocked when I saw John yesterday afternoon. He is a shadow of the handsome fun loving man I have always been proud to call my big brother.
Respite for John was a disaster. He has never been a violent but man we will only ever have the Respite Centre’s version of events: that is why Jayne Connery is right: CCTV in Dementia Care Homes must become mandatory.
I have decided to stay in Coventry another night and hope to take my mum out today.
I woke at one this morning after going to bed before nine.
On Remembrance Sunday I thought of my dear dad, sadly no longer with us.
Finbar’s words express far better than I could what a wonderful father he was:
As a Tail Gunner with a Lancaster crew, he flew over 40 missions. When I thought about what ‘ops’ I would be on today my mission became clear: to travel to Coventry to hold my mum and my brother’s hand. Mum has vascular dementia, John has Alzheimer’s. It is possible that neither of them will recognise me. However, I know I’ll remember them and it’s what dad would have wanted.
I’ll be setting off shortly and may post more when I arrive at my hotel in Coventry.
The last time Maureen was in Ashgrove Care Home she did a runner. When the fire alarm went off she hopped it and was reported to police looking at flowers in a local resident’s garden. I received a phone call within minutes of this happening. I was soon informed when she was safely back behind lock and key. This is rather different to how Ladysmith Road deal with significant incidents.
Although you don’t expect to hear the that your wife has escaped from a secure unit it didn’t worry me too much. A few weeks earlier she had walked out of Royal Court Care Home: she picked the lock on a patio gate.
Maureen has hopped it several times from under my watchful eye. However, she doesn’t wander; she either goes looking for me when she has forgotten where I am or takes off if I have upset her.
From what I have seen Ashgrove are as good as it gets for a Care Home. In Special Measures a short while ago they now provide sound person-centred care. There is no doubt that the newly built extension would get a higher star rating once it is opened but it is exclusively for residents with dementia. At this point in time, Maureen is better off in a Care Home environment.
Yesterday I managed to have a helpful chat with Karen from the Home Treatment Team. We talked far and wide about how things had been here and the possible ways forward. Karen encouraged me to focus on the best interest of Maureen and me as a couple.
It is reassuring to know Maureen in safe hands with people I trust. This gives me an opportunity to explore the best way forward for the next stage of our journey: more of the same is no longer an option!
Dementia: Sharing The Good Times 