I realised that any attempt to attend the Armed Services Weekend in Cleethorpes would be futile.  The resort was expected to be very busy with large crowds expected: the opposite of what you need when you have dementia.  Maureen had walked out in the morning looking for me rather than Dodgy Dave as she had forgotten I was next door talking to a neighbour.  Fortunately I hopped on my bike and found her a few streets away and eased her back home.

I managed to wake Maureen from one of her many dozes just as the Red Arrows were in town.  Our vantage point from the greens Cleethorpes Golf Course at the rear of our house gave us an excellent view of their performance:

I managed to catch a glimpse of other aircraft from our garden as Maureen stayed asleep on the sofa.  Once again the Lancaster didn’t make it due to ongoing repairs to fuel tanks so I didn’t get chance to hear the ‘tum tum’ of those four Merlin engines as My Rear Gunner dad used to tell me about.

During the evening Maureen became distressed as she thought she had been left alone and locked in the house.  As I returned downstairs following a shower I found her very upset as she tried to make sense of ‘where the others had gone’. 

My attempts to encourage a walk late evening failed.  Maureen spent half an hour trying to find comfortable socks and shoes then retired to the sofa.  I tried everything I could think of to help her without success and eventually went out for a walk by myself always keeping our house in view.

It’s not looking good this morning as I bring up Maureen’s cup of tea: she is too hot and all clothing is too tight.  I’m wondering if this is one of those issues that you just can’t fix as Susan Macaulay alluded to in a recent comment.

We had a good day yesterday: a significant step forward in getting our lives and our home back.  I’m struggling to remember how we spent the morning so I guess it was pottering around the house and garden.  In the afternoon Maureen was checked out by our G P and a Practice Nurse.  It doesn’t look as though there is anything to worry about and a sample this morning will clear up any lingering doubts.

We had a great time in the evening pottering in the garden as we listened to music through the open patio doors. My neighbour happened to mention that Maureen had been singing away while she cleaned their window ledges.  I had no idea she had a money making scheme in mind to ease any cash flow problems.

I realise now that it has been a mistake to scarper as soon as carers arrive.  I failed to listen to Maureen’s assertion that she looked after me when I had been ill.  Goodness knows what it must have felt like as I ‘deserted her’ and left her with strangers.  Her call is not Mrs Dementia not wanting me out of her sight, it is: ‘where are you mate in my hour of need I was there for you’.

Gail will be here in a couple of hours to do her Wednesday sit.  Maureen likes being in the company of someone who is mature and lets her get on with doing her own thing.  As always the banter will fly around as I am outnumbered but I will take it as I potter in the house and garden.  Gail is good company and a welcome visitor in our home with family too busy to visit at the moment.

As I sit posting the latest news Maureen is singing this song as she waits for the first cup of the day to cool:

It’s another lovely morning and the blue sky’s the limit as we continue on this journey.

Maureen came back in a big way yesterday and confined Mrs Dementia to the dustbin until it was time to go to bed.  I wasn’t at all surprised that I was sent to the Boys Dorm at 1o.30 pm as she would have been exhausted after a very busy day.  Once we were upstairs she once again asked where the girls were so I took my cue and hot- footed it to the spare room.  This morning I heard Maureen crying out as she asked Denise, her daughter who has passed, if it was time to get up.  A quick cuddle and a cuppa did the trick and she was safely in the land of nod.

Today will be the first day for almost a week that Chloe has been on duty.  I have deliberately kept carers at bay so that we could get our home back for a while.  It’s not surprising that Maureen thinks it’s a Care Home with ‘ladies’ as she calls them here every weekday.

Some of my friends on Talking Point  have often questioned my judgement: quite rightly on occasions.  Certain members of my family have raised their eyebrows at my approach: one even suggesting ‘I haven’t got a clue’.  So take breath before you read this: we are now curtailing the amount of carer sits by terminating the presence of carers on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s.  Yes: we are reducing Local Authority funded carer sits by 6 hours a week.

Our Dementia Specialist Social Worker: Flexible Sue as I now  call her fully understands our strategy and she is never one whose sole concern is to manage budgets.  We have both finally understood Maureen’s plea to ‘want to get her home and  life back’.   It is possible that carer sits may be reduced even further as Maureen’s recovery from stroke continues.

Flexible Sue has kindly offered to support me as I try to ensure that Person Centred Care is applied across the board.  The Home Treatment Team provide daily mentorship as I try to get my own house in order.  They think my plan to continue an assessment of Maureen’s capabilities is sound and like my ideas about including carers in this process.  Once we have spent a week or so taking a look at Maureen in action I hope we can arrive at a consensus on the way forward.

The photo below puts some ‘meat in the sandwich’ of my thinking.  Actually it was cheese but no matter:

Maureen offered to make me a cheese sandwich yesterday afternoon.  I fell asleep as she had been in the kitchen rather a long time.  When I caught up with her it was clear she had struggled.  There were three sandwiches scattered around the kitchen I found the one above in the fridge. She had done her best: no harm had been done and nothing wasted – in fact plenty for another day.  Nevertheless, there had been purpose in her life for the last half an hour or so.  Our focus needs to be in helping Maureen to find more purpose than being tied to the kitchen sink.  I have every confidence that with the support I have at my disposal we are up for it!

I couldn’t let today pass without mentioning two good men.  Maureen and I both had fathers who were called Jack.  When I worked at the Morris, later to become British Leyland, I was always known as Jack’s son even though his name was John.  Maureen’s sister is still known as Union Jack’s lass whenever she bumps into those men who knew her of her dad’s activities in his days at the Raleigh.

I never had the pleasure of meeting Maureen’s dad as he had passed before we met. However from the stories she has told me he was a wonderful father just like mine.  The other thing they had in common is they were both active trade unionists.

Both of our fathers didn’t mince their words and were outspoken in their beliefs.  We are both proud to have had fathers who had no truck with liberal political correctness. 

Happy fathers’ day to two Jacks: we try to be chips off the old block.

I’m wondering if a change of scene would help us both on this sunny morning here in Cleethorpes.  Maureen has slept a lot in the last couple of days and hardly been out the door for more than the odd half an hour.  As you will see from my Niceness page I needed support yesterday to try to fathom what was going on here.

The warmer weather gives me a chance to see if Maureen will consider a day out.  As it is father’s day she might want to venture as far as Nottingham to see her brother and sister. Coventry might be a bridge too far so it’s unlikely I’ll be able to visit some familiar haunts to remind me of my dad.

We are fortunate that we only need to venture into Cleethorpes to reminisce about our respective fathers: Maureen lived here as a child for a couple of years and my dad came to see us here, along with my mum, on several occasions.  So a walk on the Prom would be nice and if we called in at Kew Road, where Maureen used to live, and the RAF Club to remind us of the Rear Gunner, we would both enjoy fond memories of two good men.

Dear me I almost forgot this which I have added an hour after my intial post: