Category Archives: General

Dementia: Looking For Dodgy Dave

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I have just found Maureen on an early morning walk a few streets away.  I have a sneaky feeling she was trying to set up a photo opportunity with Dodgy Dave.  The Prime Minister is due in Cleethorpes shortly as part of the Armed Services week-end.

As Maureen’s long term memory is intact she remembers being close to Prince Charles when her came here and I think she wanted another scalp in the scrap book.

I don’t think she realises her time is running out with Dodgy Dave now Brexit has won the day.

 

Dementia: What A Clanger!

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I was rather tired yesterday after being woken at 2 am and not being able to get back to sleep.  This led me to try to catch up on sleep with an afternoon siesta.  Unfortunately I was woken an hour later by Maureen shouting: ‘this place is like a scrap yard’.  She was right – in every room and the garden I had left evidence of my half-finished endeavours.  I soon got my deserved reward with clothing and insults hurled in my direction.  The irony of all this is that I had been chatting to Chloe in the morning and she had reminded me how important it was not to add to Maureen’s levels of confusion: I would have got a University First in return for my efforts yesterday.

I have great respect for Chloe’s understanding of Maureen’s dementia.  She has had years of experience of working with clients who have the condition and  personalises her approach to Maureen’s care.   I have learned a lot about how to be an effective Care Partner by ‘Sitting next to Chloe’: yesterday I failed to heed her message and created confusion.

I hope I have got the message now and will consider whether my behaviour is likely to add to Maureen’s confusion.  Lying in bed with clothing hurled in your direction certainly gives you food for thought.   I’m not sure I dare mention this to Chloe or she might think there is little hope for her apprentice!

Dementia:Being Positive and Using Distraction

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 Maureen’s presentation is continuing to fluctuate and it is often difficult to know how to respond to the daily challenges.  Maureen was escorted back home twice by neighbours yesterday.  We laughed about their interventions and I offered to make Maureen a badge to indicate that she was a Big Girl now and safe to be out by herself.  I have also been advised to be positive and use distraction to relieve Maureen’s concerns about her poor memory.

I became very concerned yesterday about Maureen’s distress about not being able to remember where she was and who I am.  As Maureen became increasingly distressed  I sought advice from Isobel’s in the Home Treatment Team.  Her advice was helpful but it remains taxing when Maureen doesn’t know who I am and is ill at ease with my presence.

One matter I need to resolve as soon as possible is to create opportunities for the three people who are working with Maureen (Chloe Gail, and me) to get together on regular basis.  We need to discuss how things are going and keep our interventions with Maureen under review.   That is an issue that will not be helped by being positive and using distraction techniques.

One strategy that is working is highlighted today on my Good Music page: hope it continues to work in the coming week.

Dementia: It’s Good To Be Back Home

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Maureen is in hysterics after being brought back home by Pat this morning.  Our 85 year old neighbour caught her as she was out for her stroll; grabbed her by the arm and marched her back to me.  Pat isn’t supposed to go out on her own as she has dementia. Thankfully Maureen has seen the funny side of her adventure: it’s good to be safely back home in Cleethorpes after our day trip to Coventry  yesterday.

Dementia: Going Back Home

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We went back ‘home’ to Coventry for a day yesterday.  As we were both up early and the sun was shining we decided on a day out so that we could see my mother and brother.  When we arrived at mum’s Care Home she was having her weekly shampoo and set.  We didn’t have to wait long before she arrived in the visiting area but as it was close to her mid-day meal we agreed to pop back later to take her out for a short drive in the countryside.

John was being fed as we arrived at his Nursing Home.  He looked clean and tidy as he enjoyed being spoon fed his lunch.  Several of the other residents tried to interact with us in one way or another as we waited for him to finish his meal.  John didn’t give any indication that he knew who we were: rightly concentrating on one of the ‘lovely ladies’, as he used to call them, who look after him.

We drove around some familiar territory while we waited for my Mum’s Care Home to be open for visitors at 2.30 pm.  Maureen wasn’t sure if we were in Nottingham or Coventry some of the time.  I returned to the Close where we used to live a second time and Maureen had forgotten we had been there half an hour earlier.  On our second visit we called on some neighbours and spent a pleasant half an hour catching up.

Mum was sitting by herself when we arrived back at her Care home at 3pm.  We took her out for a short ride in the countryside calling in at Coombe Park for the traditional ’99’.  It was almost closing time for visitors when we got her back Home and we had to rush our farewells to avoid a reprimand.

Maureen had been in great form at both Homes interacting with residents and staff.  I thought she had rumbled my fraternisation with a 100 year old beauty at mum’s Care Home but Mrs A as she likes to be called was very discrete.  Mrs A tell me she will be 200 on her next birthday and I hope she will now invite us both to the party to cover out tracks.

The journey to and from Coventry was hard work.  On the way down Maureen moved from being hostile with all sorts of recriminations to hysteria: laughing from Leicester to Coventry.  On our return journey she was catatonic.  In retrospect I shouldn’t have taken advantage of her compassion: it was cruel to subject her to such an arduous day.  She paid a heavy price for her generosity at 2 am this morning.

‘Spark-out’ I had obviously not heard the Baby Monitor as she lay on the sofa.  When I made it downstairs she was cowering in the utility room saying: ‘you locked me in’.   She stood shaking for a while before I eased her back onto the sofa with the promise of a cup of tea.  My tiredness had left her exposed in return for her compassion: this must not happen again.  I think it is time to accept that travelling 250 miles in a day, with one driver, is no longer a sensible road for us to take on this journey.

 

Dementia: Reclaiming Our Lives

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bestWe had a good day yesterday: a significant step forward in getting our lives and our home back.  I’m struggling to remember how we spent the morning so I guess it was pottering around the house and garden.  In the afternoon Maureen was checked out by our G P and a Practice Nurse.  It doesn’t look as though there is anything to worry about and a sample this morning will clear up any lingering doubts.

We had a great time in the evening pottering in the garden as we listened to music through the open patio doors. My neighbour happened to mention that Maureen had been singing away while she cleaned their window ledges.  I had no idea she had a money making scheme in mind to ease any cash flow problems.

I realise now that it has been a mistake to scarper as soon as carers arrive.  I failed to listen to Maureen’s assertion that she looked after me when I had been ill.  Goodness knows what it must have felt like as I ‘deserted her’ and left her with strangers.  Her call is not Mrs Dementia not wanting me out of her sight, it is: ‘where are you mate in my hour of need I was there for you’.

Gail will be here in a couple of hours to do her Wednesday sit.  Maureen likes being in the company of someone who is mature and lets her get on with doing her own thing.  As always the banter will fly around as I am outnumbered but I will take it as I potter in the house and garden.  Gail is good company and a welcome visitor in our home with family too busy to visit at the moment.

As I sit posting the latest news Maureen is singing this song as she waits for the first cup of the day to cool:

It’s another lovely morning and the blue sky’s the limit as we continue on this journey.

 

Dementia: Looking Back: Looking Ahead (Week 23)

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Maureen came back in a big way yesterday and confined Mrs Dementia to the dustbin until it was time to go to bed.  I wasn’t at all surprised that I was sent to the Boys Dorm at 1o.30 pm as she would have been exhausted after a very busy day.  Once we were upstairs she once again asked where the girls were so I took my cue and hot- footed it to the spare room.  This morning I heard Maureen crying out as she asked Denise, her daughter who has passed, if it was time to get up.  A quick cuddle and a cuppa did the trick and she was safely in the land of nod.

Today will be the first day for almost a week that Chloe has been on duty.  I have deliberately kept carers at bay so that we could get our home back for a while.  It’s not surprising that Maureen thinks it’s a Care Home with ‘ladies’ as she calls them here every weekday.

Some of my friends on Talking Point  have often questioned my judgement: quite rightly on occasions.  Certain members of my family have raised their eyebrows at my approach: one even suggesting ‘I haven’t got a clue’.  So take breath before you read this: we are now curtailing the amount of carer sits by terminating the presence of carers on Tuesday’s and Thursday’s.  Yes: we are reducing Local Authority funded carer sits by 6 hours a week.

Our Dementia Specialist Social Worker: Flexible Sue as I now  call her fully understands our strategy and she is never one whose sole concern is to manage budgets.  We have both finally understood Maureen’s plea to ‘want to get her home and  life back’.   It is possible that carer sits may be reduced even further as Maureen’s recovery from stroke continues.

Flexible Sue has kindly offered to support me as I try to ensure that Person Centred Care is applied across the board.  The Home Treatment Team provide daily mentorship as I try to get my own house in order.  They think my plan to continue an assessment of Maureen’s capabilities is sound and like my ideas about including carers in this process.  Once we have spent a week or so taking a look at Maureen in action I hope we can arrive at a consensus on the way forward.

The photo below puts some ‘meat in the sandwich’ of my thinking.  Actually it was cheese but no matter:

Maureen offered to make me a cheese sandwich yesterday afternoon.  I fell asleep as she had been in the kitchen rather a long time.  When I caught up with her it was clear she had struggled.  There were three sandwiches scattered around the kitchen I found the one above in the fridge. She had done her best: no harm had been done and nothing wasted – in fact plenty for another day.  Nevertheless, there had been purpose in her life for the last half an hour or so.  Our focus needs to be in helping Maureen to find more purpose than being tied to the kitchen sink.  I have every confidence that with the support I have at my disposal we are up for it!

 

Dementia: A Walk Down Memory Lane

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I took Maureen a walk down Memory Lane this morning.   Her parents came to Cleethorpes when she was still at Primary School so her father could benefit from the sea air. They only stayed for a couple of years because Jack couldn’t find suitable employment.  Fortunately, he managed to get his job back as a metal polisher at the Raleigh so they went back to Nottingham.  This meant leaving lots of family members who had joined them on the East Coast behind.

One of the reasons we moved to Cleethorpes was because we often came up here to visit Maureen’s Aunties and Uncles.  On one visit I was so taken with the place that I said ‘I could live here’: the rest is history.

The photos below follow us on this morning’s walk down Memory Lane:

 

Maureen outside her grandparents former Guest House: previously The Richmond Hotel.

Maureen with Roy the Head Gardener at Kew Road, where she lived as a child.

 

Maureen outside her Primary School.

The Airman is a reminder of my dad’s time as a Rear Gunner; it’s just across the road from the RAF Club where we spent happy times together.

I will print these photos to remind us both of a very enjoyable Father’s Day

 

 

Dementia: Two Good Men

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I couldn’t let today pass without mentioning two good men.  Maureen and I both had fathers who were called Jack.  When I worked at the Morris, later to become British Leyland, I was always known as Jack’s son even though his name was John.  Maureen’s sister is still known as Union Jack’s lass whenever she bumps into those men who knew her of her dad’s activities in his days at the Raleigh.

I never had the pleasure of meeting Maureen’s dad as he had passed before we met. However from the stories she has told me he was a wonderful father just like mine.  The other thing they had in common is they were both active trade unionists.

Both of our fathers didn’t mince their words and were outspoken in their beliefs.  We are both proud to have had fathers who had no truck with liberal political correctness. 

Happy fathers’ day to two Jacks: we try to be chips off the old block.

I’m wondering if a change of scene would help us both on this sunny morning here in Cleethorpes.  Maureen has slept a lot in the last couple of days and hardly been out the door for more than the odd half an hour.  As you will see from my Niceness page I needed support yesterday to try to fathom what was going on here.

The warmer weather gives me a chance to see if Maureen will consider a day out.  As it is father’s day she might want to venture as far as Nottingham to see her brother and sister. Coventry might be a bridge too far so it’s unlikely I’ll be able to visit some familiar haunts to remind me of my dad.

We are fortunate that we only need to venture into Cleethorpes to reminisce about our respective fathers: Maureen lived here as a child for a couple of years and my dad came to see us here, along with my mum, on several occasions.  So a walk on the Prom would be nice and if we called in at Kew Road, where Maureen used to live, and the RAF Club to remind us of the Rear Gunner, we would both enjoy fond memories of two good men.

Dear me I almost forgot this which I have added an hour after my intial post:

 

Dementia: I’m Frightened: I Don’t Know What’s Going On’

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It’s now 4 pm and I’ve just joined Maureen sitting on the edge of the bed.  As she sits there looking bewildered she says: I’m frightened: I don’t know what is going on’.  Little wonder that she has stayed in bed all day: too frightened to get up.  I reassure her that I will always be beside her and help her to come round after a sleep.  What else can I do?

I’m hoping I can entice Maureen into the garden to help me see if my first crop of potatoes is reading for digging up.  Once out in the fresh air my outdoor wife may be able to leave her concerns in the coolness of the breeze: even if it is momentary respite from this dreadful condition it will be worth it. Now where is that other shoe that she will be seeking in as soon as she finishes eating her breakfast?