Category Archives: General

Dementia: Practice What You Post!

General

Image result for practice what you preach picturesYesterday was rather Autumnal here in Cleethorpes.  The rain came down in bucket loads for long periods of the day.  This meant that Maureen hardly ventured outside the door all day.

She had been very generous in the morning wanting me to do something for myself, so I popped down to the Leisure Centre for an hour.   Things didn’t go quite according to plan as the Pool was reserved for children, so I made for the Health Suite.  I took advantage of the Spa and Sauna to ease the pain in my shoulders.  It was good to feel the warmth on my body and have an interesting chat with a retired engineer who shared my views on the damage that Margaret Thatcher’s regime had done to manufacturing in Britain.

This morning I have struggled with Maureen’s constant question about ‘where is everyone else?’  Around 3 am she was asking about particular individuals, including her departed daughter.  Later on she seemed to be concerned that we were alone in ‘this place’.  It is easier to respond when it is still dark outside as I generally say: ‘they are asleep and we need to try to get some shut-eye’.

I’m getting a little better at not always absorbing Maureen’s challenging presentation.  However, on some occasions I lie awake thinking about how to respond when she is distressed when I would be better to park my thoughts and practice what I preach!

 

Dementia: Wrong Again!

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On Thursday afternoon our doorbell rang as Maureen and I were in the middle of our daily siesta.  Half asleep I made it to the door, rather scantily clad, to see some relatives of Maureen’s who we hadn’t seen for a while.  They live about 50 miles away and pop over to Cleethorpes occasionally to visit relatives who live in the area.

Maureen is a few years younger than her Aunty Elsie – they used to play together when they were children.  Her husband Ron is a ‘cockney card’ who has a soft spot for Maureen.  They had not seen Maureen for a while and would not have been aware of the extent that dementia has progressed since their last visit.  On occasions I winced as they interacted with Maureen, as they seemed far from dementia friendly in their conversation.  At one stage Ron waxed lyrical about his use of an I Pad and implored Maureen to get one.

Maureen made few comments after the visit of her relatives until yesterday evening.   As we were about to go to sleep last night she mentioned that she was going to write to her mother to say how pleased she was that family had visited.  She wanted her mum to know that her youngest sister had popped in to check on how her daughter was doing.  It was clear I had made the classic error of focusing on the content of conversation, rather than the good feeling that came about from a visit from family members.

Tom Schuller made a helpful comment on my post yesterday; helping me to recognise that Performance Appraisal is the issue.  I aim to make an incremental start on Self-Appraisal by resurrecting ‘Looking Back: Looking Ahead’ as the focus for my Posts on Monday’s.   We had a good day yesterday with Maureen in great humour: she locked me in the house early evening and returned shortly afterwards laughing her head off!

 

Dementia: ‘Lean On Me’

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We both had a good day yesterday.  I had a positive meeting in the morning with Gary my social worker.  Shortly afterwards I was discharged by St Hugh’s Hospital because, with Oliver’s exercise regime, I have managed a significant improvement in my left shoulder.

Our afternoon siesta was very restorative and we followed it with a lovely time in the centre of Cleethorpes.  Our mission to find an 18th Birthday Card was very successful thanks to supportive staff in the Card Factory. We then had a refreshing walk on Cleethorpes Pier and popped in to see Nigel the Clock Man to get a battery in Maureen’s watch.  As always we chatted to Nigel for a while about all sorts of things.

We took advantage of the sound purchases we had made earlier with Quorn Burgers for tea.  Then we overplayed ‘Hidey High’ and both dropped off until it was time to take to bed in our downstairs abode.  Following a bathroom visit at 3am we both retired to the marital bedroom where we slept fitfully until 5 am.  During this time Maureen has been repeatedly asking for her mum and wanting to go home.

Fred’s Story shows in graphic detail the daily struggles for anyone trying to support a loved one with dementia:

We might have had a good day yesterday but that has been long forgotten.  This morning Maureen is preoccupied with wanting her mum and to go home!

I’ve been using YouTube to try to lift Maureen’s spririts this morning.  My musical message to her has been quite simple:

 

Dementia: The Dangers of DIY

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We didn’t make our trip to Louth yesterday.  Once again the clothing crisis took its toll and Maureen spent large parts of the day sleeping off her frustration that her things had been stolen and replaced with unsuitable gear.  With time on my hands I pottered in the garden keeping in touch via the Baby Monitor. Maureen kept an eye on my progress by occasionally popping outside to check up on the Constant Gardener. Things went relatively well until complacency led me to put the cat amongst the pigeons.

Our up an over garage door has not been moving as it should for a while.  It took me a while to realise that the problem needed an expert and I arranged for the man to come on Thursday morning.  Then I wasted over an hour seeing if I could do the job myself and Maureen paid a heavy price.

Towards the end of the afternoon Maureen woke thinking she had been neglected all day.  She charged off into the street to tell others that she had not been fed or watered.  Fortunately, Kate our next door neighbour was returning from walking her dog and intervened to good effect by applying TLC; including ushering Maureen back home.  There are clear lesson from this saga: my days of DIY are over and out of sight is no longer out of mind when your wife has dementia!

Maureen woke at 3 am this morning in despair that she ‘didn’t like it here without her mum’.  YouTube has been applied liberally and she has sang beautifully to some old favourites.  She has also been fed and watered.  Breakfast will be supplied, on demand, when she next wakes – I can’t risk losing my reputation for ‘doing a good job’!

 

Dementia: Strictly Transformed

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It took over an hour for the three of us to transform out lounge/bedroom yesterday morning.  It now seems far more spacious, with a dance floor emerging in exactly the right spot.  Maureen and I were too tired last night but I hoping that we will soon be ‘tripping the light fantastic’ in our new Dance Studio.  I have already dusted down the DVD’s to remind us of the steps in a first move to returning to our Social Dancing Group.

The other good news from yesterday is that I returned from an evening trip to Tesco with some remedies for Maureen’s sore mouth and tongue.  We now have a mouthwash that compliments the Gengigel gel recommended by our dentist during a previous outbreak.  I am  hoping that a softer toothbrush and Corsodyl toothpaste will help bring Maureen some relief and possible cure from what threatens to become a chronic condition.

We have cancelled today’s Carer Sit as we are planning a trip to Louth a small Market Town a short distance away.  When we have had enough of wandering around the shops we can visit nearby Hubbard Hills for a walk in beautiful surroundings.  If the sun comes out  we will be able to watch young children enjoying themselves in a stream that flows through the area.

I realise that it could be one of those days when the best laid plans fall by the wayside.  Maureen has already been stressing that she wants to ‘go home’ but for once has said ‘there is nowhere to go’:  so your guess is as good as mine as to where we will be by noon!

 

Dementia: A Positive Start To The Day

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Maureen has been inspiring this morning with her enthusiasm for improving our lives.   She had a smile on her face as soon as she opened her eyes,  keen to appreciate how pleasing the lounge/bedroom is on the eye.  Her nurturing nature came to the fore as she redesigned our layout to make sure that my sleeping quarters become free from draughts.

It has been lovely to see Maureen in such a creative mode this morning after a difficult day yesterday.  Her cold, along with a sore mouth and tongue, were clearly taking their toll as she spent large parts of the day on the sofa.  She did manage to come round for a while in the afternoon and I heard lots of laughter as she chatted to Dianne our carer as I prepared Sunday Lunch.

I managed to change my status in the evening with a selection of remedies for her soreness.  It’s amazing what choc ice and selective sandwiches can do for your reputation when you are seeking status as a naturopath, rather than a waste of space.   I then added to my prowess when I created an enjoyable hour or so with lots of our favourite numbers on YouTube: Maureen labelled it ‘Music While You Work’.

Pressing for a late night collection of bread in Cleethorpes may have been pushing my luck a little too far.  Maureen didn’t seem particularly comfortable as we took  in the night-life around the Market Square:  although we both enjoyed reminiscing over our ‘misspent youth’ in Amusement Arcades, looking at the latest ways of extracting money from the punters.

The holidays are over for our Care Team today and we are back to normal – what a risky thought with dementia having an influence on events!.  Chloe will be here at ten to honour Maureen’s hairdressing appointment.  It will be interesting to see if we can multi-task this morning and carry out Maureen’s ideas to revamp the lounge/bedroom.

Dementia: Seeking The Butterfly

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My support session with Mel went well in yesterday morning as did contact with social services in the afternoon. Maureen’s feelings about Chloe being back were mixed.  She greeted her like an old friend but relayed concerns after she went on to her next call.

Maureen’s comment that she felt like she was living in a Care Home really rang home as we tidied up the washing line together.  It added to a something she said ealier on about being watched all the time.  She went on to say that she had lost her confidence and the constant surveillance was not helping at all.

I have been thinking about Maureen’s concerns: they are valid and require a considered response. My task is to create opportunities for her to regain her confidence and find purpose in her life.  Little wonder that she hates living here – feeling patronised in her own home.

Today provides an opportunity to start a new regime that is Maureen led.  I realise that it is difficult for her to make decisions, so I plan to suggest some simple options.  The test will be if I can slowly ease her forward  to regain aspects of her confidence.  If I get it right I know Maureen will come out of the shadows and astound those who see Prescribed Disengagement as the panacea for dementia.

I’m confident the butterfly will gradually emerge from her chrysalis!

Dementia: ‘It Don’t Get Much Better’

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Image result for NaviGo Dementia Picture

I have a scheduled appointment with my Admiral Nurse at 10.30 this morning.  This is always a BOGOF deal as Mel used to work for the Home Treatment Team.

My 8.30 am call to our Single Point Of Access will result in contact from a Duty Social Worker whilst I’m meeting Mel.  It don’t get much better than that as I try to accommodate changes in Maureen’s presentation.

Little wonder that NAViGO  received natiional acclaim for their approach to dementia. Sister services within the Local Authority such as Focus Adult Services also deserve similar recognition.

Dementia: Improving Communication

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Compared to Monday we had both had a reasonable amount of sleep last night.  It’s amazing how a night’s rest helps to clarify early morning thoughts and I’ve had my thinking hat on from 4 am.

I have decided to withdraw from the Blogging, Branding and Growth Course: sprucing up my Blog and growing my readership is hardly a priority at the moment.

What I need to do is to ensure is that my communication with  Maureen is effective.  This means I need to think very clearly about what I say and how I say it.

This video clip from Teepa Snow sets me on my way to my wife understanding me:

Teepa is very generous and produces lots of video clips that are available free of charge.  I will make time in the coming days to review my approach to communicating with Maureen by having time with Teepa.  My other focus will be on attempting to move her from the sofa and engage with those things that she shows an interest in.

It is Maureen’s brother’s birthday this morning and that opens up all sorts of possibilities for engagement.  His card remains in our address book so I will bring it out into the open. This might lead to a walk to the Post Office and the possibility of a phone call. 

I’m scheduled for a meeting with Sadie at Hica our Care Agency this morning.  I have a bill to pay for two overnight sits from my visit to York.  Sadie has now completed her investigation into some shortcomings during my three days of Respite.  I plan to use our meeting as an opportunity to build on the positive relationship I have developed with Sadie and let bygones be bygones.  On many occasions I know that Hica are now going the extra mile for us and that makes such a difference to our journey.

I have an appointment with a nurse to have my ears syringed this afternoon.  I’m planning to see Dr Munjal while I’m down at our Medical Centre to discuss Maureen’s wellbeing: her bloated stomach is still giving me cause for concern.  I also need to update him on why I have cooled on the idea of  Day Care.

Dementia: YESSSSSS!

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I have just woken after a much needed 2 hour siesta.  What a relief to catch up on some sleep after the events of last night.  For a while I didn’t know where I was when I woke up. This has given me a glimpse of how Maureen might feel at any stage of the day or night.

It will take a shower to ground me and to straighten out my thinking.  How on earth Maureen puts on a brave face for much of the time I will never know: she is still sleeping of course!