Formal processes are underway about Maureen’s appalling experiences in Care Homes.
It would be unfair to detail our concerns before they have been fully investigated.
I have distracted and redirected all day with little impact.
Maureen still feels betrayed: that I have conspired with other to lock her away.
She does not accept a promise that from now on they will not separate us!
I will be talking to people I trust this morning.
The abuse of our loved ones in Care Facilities has to stop.
However, this it is not a time to issue Press Releases and return to my campaigning days
We all have to work out the best way to respond to our dereliction of duty.
In Maureen’s words: ‘we tricked her into a Care Home that was an absolute NIGHTMARE’.
However, I was not the only one who was complicit in a failure of our duty of care.
Just to add to our woes our heating is broken and its freezing here this morning.
One thing is certain once I ring Dave this morning his man will be here soon after.
It’s always important to know those people who you can really trust!
Footnote: I’m struggling to respond to Comments as I’m desperately trying to rebuild a semblance of trust with someone who feels her husband has sold her out!
I removed Maureen from Ashgrove Care Home this afternoon because she was at risk. On my arrival, they didn’t know where she was. It took me a while to discover her in an unused part of the building that is accessible and unsupervised. She was struggling to get out of an unlit room.
Maureen is a shadow of the woman who went into Ashgrove five days ago. She is very confused and is trying to relate various incidents that continue to give to give her cause for concern.
It would be unfair to detail my concerns in a blog. Once the dust has settled I will be formulating an official complaint. I’m so grateful to Jayne Connery for highlighting that CCTV is needed in all Dementia Care Homes: bring it on!
Yesterday was a good day. Knowing that Maureen was in safe hands I was able to spend time with my own family. I had a lovely time with my mum, brother and daughter along with her delightful children.
I return to Cleethorpes this morning refreshed and optimistic about the future. Maureen now needs 24 hour care, something that cannot be sustained within our home. Yesterday I made telephone contact with some of the professional staff who support us on our journey to suggest a possible way forward.
A Blog is not the place to show your hand when discussions are ongoing. However, I’m confident that arrangements can be made that protect the Best Interest of a very happily married couple.
When I called in to see my brother at his Nursing Home at 10.30 am yesterday I was told he was tired and had gone back to bed. So I moved on to visit my mum in her Residential Home. As always she asked me if I’d come to take her out but when I returned from fetching her coat she was fast asleep in the chair. I stayed with her for a while before heading off to see my brother’s wife. This is when I was reminded how respite had led to disaster for John and Jean.
Almost 5 years ago when Jean was on her knees she booked John in for a week’s respite. Towards the end of his stay he had become aggressive with a staff member; police were called John was taken away and eventually Sectioned under the Mental Health Act.
John was detained in the local Mental Health Unit for 6 months before any Nursing Home were prepared to take him. A couple of months ago he was evicted from Norton Grange Nursing Home because his wife complained they were not dealing with his oral thrush.
I was shocked when I saw John yesterday afternoon. He is a shadow of the handsome fun loving man I have always been proud to call my big brother.
Respite for John was a disaster. He has never been a violent but man we will only ever have the Respite Centre’s version of events: that is why Jayne Connery is right: CCTV in Dementia Care Homes must become mandatory.
I have decided to stay in Coventry another night and hope to take my mum out today.
I woke at one this morning after going to bed before nine.
On Remembrance Sunday I thought of my dear dad, sadly no longer with us.
Finbar’s words express far better than I could what a wonderful father he was:
As a Tail Gunner with a Lancaster crew, he flew over 40 missions. When I thought about what ‘ops’ I would be on today my mission became clear: to travel to Coventry to hold my mum and my brother’s hand. Mum has vascular dementia, John has Alzheimer’s. It is possible that neither of them will recognise me. However, I know I’ll remember them and it’s what dad would have wanted.
I’ll be setting off shortly and may post more when I arrive at my hotel in Coventry.
The last time Maureen was in Ashgrove Care Home she did a runner. When the fire alarm went off she hopped it and was reported to police looking at flowers in a local resident’s garden. I received a phone call within minutes of this happening. I was soon informed when she was safely back behind lock and key. This is rather different to how Ladysmith Road deal with significant incidents.
Although you don’t expect to hear the that your wife has escaped from a secure unit it didn’t worry me too much. A few weeks earlier she had walked out of Royal Court Care Home: she picked the lock on a patio gate.
Maureen has hopped it several times from under my watchful eye. However, she doesn’t wander; she either goes looking for me when she has forgotten where I am or takes off if I have upset her.
From what I have seen Ashgrove are as good as it gets for a Care Home. In Special Measures a short while ago they now provide sound person-centred care. There is no doubt that the newly built extension would get a higher star rating once it is opened but it is exclusively for residents with dementia. At this point in time, Maureen is better off in a Care Home environment.
Yesterday I managed to have a helpful chat with Karen from the Home Treatment Team. We talked far and wide about how things had been here and the possible ways forward. Karen encouraged me to focus on the best interest of Maureen and me as a couple.
It is reassuring to know Maureen in safe hands with people I trust. This gives me an opportunity to explore the best way forward for the next stage of our journey: more of the same is no longer an option!
My cyber friend Jayne Connery is absolutely right CCTV should be mandatory in Care Homes. This is not jumping on the bandwagon it is based on the experiences of Maureen and my brother.
Maureen was 78 on July the 26th of this year. I was shocked when I saw her condition as I arrived at Ladysmith Road Care Home to wish her happy birthday: she had a black eye, a cut on her nose, and was complaining that her back hurt her. She told me that she had been pushed by staff on a trolley that collided with a door. Care workers said that she had fallen out of bed. My concerns were raised even further when I attended a Review Meeting later in the morning when I was asked if Maureen often barricaded herself in a room and went to sleep on the floor.
I removed Maureen from Ladysmith Road very shortly after the Review Meeting as the medical opinion was that she was likely to deteriorate rapidly in this setting. Once we were home Maureen continued to complain about back pain and the bruising on her face was becoming more prominent. I became concerned that internal bleeding was taking place and took her to Grimsby Hospital. Following examination and X-rays, she was discharged. The examining doctor expressed surprise that she had not been brought to the hospital earlier.
When I raised my concerns with the Manager of the Care Home she stuck to their story: ‘she had fallen out of bed’. She also advised me ‘Maureen had only have been asleep on the floor of the small lounge for a short period of time’. We will never know what really happened without CCTV.
One final point the Manager of Ladysmith Road told me that they had been encouraged to reduce admissions to A and E . However, if a resident is on blood thinners has fallen and bruising is continuing that is another ‘no-brainer’
We all gave it our best shot yesterday morning trying to persuade Maureen to go into Ashgrove Care Home. Gary our social worker, Gail our carer along with myself talked the talk but her arguments for staying at home from the day before were repeated. Just as we were about to call for support from the Home Treatment Team Gary suggested that I could just ‘rock up and drop her off’ telling a ‘Love Lie’ that we were just popping into Ashgrove for a cup of coffee.
Gail and I took Maureen for a walk around Cleethorpes Country Park and popped into Ashgrove on the way back. Once we were inside staff were primed to settle Maureen so Gail and I could beat a hasty retreat.
Maureen will stay in Ashgrove initially for a week . I will not visit during that time as I know they will contact me if needed.
My priority during this break is to attempt to sort out my sleep pattern. I have decided to do this by sleeping in my own bed rather than visit Madyhamaka Buddhist Meditation Centre.
Last night it was strange being in the house without Maureen. Music added a feeling of familiarity to my surroundings. When I played the first side of The Sound of Music I could have sworn I heard my ‘Singer Lady’ holding forth. Once I sat down to eat I counted my blessings for the excellent support I had received from professional staff and family members throughout a challenging day. As I stared at the empty place next to me I knew that the means justified the ends: Maureen would be well cared for and I would get the rest I needed.
Just for a change, I have updated my Good Music page on time today. With Remembrance Sunday around the corner there one contender. I will always be grateful to Izzy, one of my many friends from my days on Talking Point, for making me aware of this song.
Maureen asserted throughout yesterday her right to remain at home. Despite various attempts to ease her into Ashgrove Care Home, she was adamant that she wanted to stay in her own home. As she said: ‘I’ve done nothing wrong, I’m not a criminal: you can’t make me go anywhere’. She also said that if I was struggling to sleep, I was the one who needed help and should move out to allow her own family to look after her.
There is no doubt that Maureen remains a very intelligent woman, able to use logic and rational thought. Her arguments for staying in her own home were perfectly understandable considering her experience of Care Homes. I had to remove her from Ladysmith Road bruised and broken on her birthday. She escaped from Royal Court and Ashgrove as she hates being locked in anywhere. Her faltering short-term memory means that she can’t remember the details of her incarceration but the scars are there in her emotional memory.
Maureen was afraid to go into a deep sleep last night for fear of being taken away. She is now worried if I’m out of sight. Therefore, we have to be very careful this morning to ensure that our next moves don’t push her over the edge. Despite being exhausted I intend to help Maureen hold the line on staying in her own home. There is no simple solution to the current impasse but I will not collude with any plans to deprive my wife of her liberty.
Although I’m exhausted and would love to be enjoying planned respite, I intend to help Maureen hold the line on staying in her own home. There is no simple solution to the current impasse but I will not collude with any plans to deprive my wife of her liberty.
Gary our social worker will be here this morning. It is his turn to try to move things forward. Sue from the Home Treatment Team could get no change out of Maureen yesterday, despite her success a few weeks ago. After more than half an hour she recommended backing off to avoid further distress. As Sue left, she commented how much Maureen had deteriorated since her last visit: don’t I know it!
Books, papers and blogs by Joanna Moncrieff
Buddhist meditation applied to our everyday lives...
My Voyage Through Early-Onset Alzheimer's
Just like the horse whisperer - but with more pages
healthcareandhumanity@gmail.com
Non-smoking, vaporizers, e-juice and more
Bringing awareness to mental illness and sexual assault
One more person's journey with Alzheimer's
"Always at your Service"
Lessons and love from Alzheimer's World
Person with Dementia Symptoms
Empower Dementia Strategies
Neuropathy Nightmare 