All posts by It's My Time Now

About It's My Time Now

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and developed mixed dementia. I was her Care Partner until she passed in October 2025. This Blog has told the story of life as a Care Partner and now focuses on the aftermath of dementia. View all posts by It's My Time Now →

Dementia: ‘Feelings Matter Most’

September 1, 2017Mixed DementiaConfusionIt's My Time Now

When Maureen told me she was constipated yesterday she said ‘the Lady at the chemist will know what to do’. Such responses from my dear wife confirm that she can still remember some things. What she will never forget is how she is treated: as David Sheard says ‘feelings matter most with dementia’. Whenever we call in at our Local Branch of Lloyds she is treated with dignity and respect by all members of staff. As we were leaving the pharmacy yesterday Maureen to me ‘how much she liked the lady, and how helpful she always was’.

The other person who Maureen never forgets is our Key Worker. She never remembers his name: he is currently Mr Fisher. However, as soon as she sees him her faces lights up as she knows he will always treat her with compassion, dignity, and respect.

It is possible when Girl Friday is here today Maureen will forget who she is. She might even ask her if she has had the baby. She could even be hostile towards her seeing her as ‘the other woman’ – it wouldn’t be the first time. However, none of this will be phase Girl Friday. She knows exactly when to keep her distance: she would never have woken up with a shiner this morning!

Dementia: Farewell Girl Friday

September 1, 2017Mixed DementiaConfusion, DistressIt's My Time Now

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Today is the last working day of Girl Friday* before she goes on Maternity Leave.

Without Girl Friday I doubt Maureen would still be here.

She would have gone into a Care home a long while.

I hope we are able to give you a good send off this morning Girl Friday.

You know Maureen: your care for her has always been person-centered.

I will always be eternally grateful for your wisdom and loving care for Maureen.

I will never forget what you have taught me about dementia.

*Girl Friday has also been Girl Tuesday this week. In the three years she has been caring for Maureen she has worked on every single day of the week. She will understand that constipation will be playing havoc with Maureen’s presentation at the moment. If my phone call to Single Point of Access doesn’t result in a prompt response we could both be in for a rough time this morning, which will be nothing compared to what Maureen is currently going through!

Update; By 7 am we’ve both spoken to a Nurse we have the gear we need and expect movement by noon.

Dementia: She’s Landed A Beauty!

August 31, 2017Mixed DementiaConfusion, Distress, TirednessIt's My Time Now

Image result for Black Eye picture Maureen landed a beauty last night and I expect to have a shiner this morning. She thought I was trying to force her to sleep with me and lashed out with venom making contact with the area around my left eye. Anybody who is aware of Maureen’s history will understand her fears about what can go on in the bedroom even when you are married!

It took lorazepam and two visits from the Night Patrol of our Care Agency before Maureen felt safe enough to sleep in her own home. I’m hoping that a quarter of a tablet will mean that she has a good rest and is still able to enjoy the fresh air she loves today.

It isn’t surprising that Maureen lost her bearings last night after a tiring day with far too many people here. At one stage we had five workmen here along with three relatives and a carer. The various comings and going throughout the day would have drained anyone.

If my shiner is as pronounced as I expect it to be will be I will tell Maureen I walked into a door. There is no way I want to remind her of the dreadful experiences that led to her lashing out last night: they are best forgotten. What I will refresh her memory of is the lovely time she had with her brother and a beautiful walk we had around the Boating Lake after another visit to McDonald’s. I might even take her for yet another Raspberry McFlurry today because we did ‘have a nice day’ but oh what a night!

Maureen is very confused this morning: at 8 am I will telephone Clee Medical Centre to request a home visit for a review of her physical health.

Dementia: Keeping The Pressure On

August 30, 2017Mixed DementiaBetter PractiseIt's My Time Now

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It took three heating engineers to replace worn out radiators yesterday. Maureen must have realised there was no gain without pain and ended up serenading them with Happy Talk as they worked around her in the lounge. This was a very different Maureen to the one they had heard earlier when she let rip at Girl Tuesday accusing her of all sorts of misdemeanors. I joked with the owner of the company that we wouldn’t charge him too much for helping his men to become dementia friendly.

The men will be here shortly to start the process of bringing water to our shower room and heating to the Sun Room. They will be joined by an electrician at noon who will begin his first fix. If everything goes according to plan the New Wing of our Care Home might be completed in two weeks.

Our heating system is pressure sensitive if it falls below 0.5 bar it will cut out. That is an issue that we can now put behind us as our central heating is better than it has been for years. Outdated radiators have been replaced and with most other things in hand concerning our extension, it is time to focus on the approach to supporting Maureen. I need to keep the pressure on for clarification on her diagnosis: is her dementia predominantly vascular or Alzheimer’s? There also needs to be a consensus on a treatment plan that is streets away from Prescribed Disengagement (Swaffer). I only wish I had another two good men or women at my side!

The other area where I need to keep the pressure on is to encourage family members to visit more often. Maureen was a revelation when her brother and sister in law were here yesterday. She loved talking about the good old days and being with people who she knows love her dearly. They are popping in again this morning before their homeward journey to Nottingham.

Dementia: Trazodone – No Thanks!

August 29, 2017Mixed DementiaConfusion, Distress, TirednessIt's My Time Now

Image result for No thanks Picture It would be tempting to start Maureen on Trazodone after the events in the early hours This medication has been prescribed by a Specialist Doctor who has assessed Maureen and knows what lies ahead:

Maureen waking in the early hours not knowing who I am and accusing me of keeping her here against her will so I can have my wicked way with her.
An hour or two later she waking again wanting to go home but cannot find any clothes to wear.
Having accidents after using the toilet and ending up in wet clothing.
Letting me have it with both barrels until she runs out of steam and falls asleep

I have been advised that putting Maureen on Trazodone will ‘make my life easier’ or ‘to let the Services do their job’ – an inference that there is no other way than to open the bottle.

What stops me from giving Maureen the fix is that from my perspective Trazodone is a one way street to a chemical cosh. In no way is that a criticism of the Services that are trying to support us: it is a rejection of a medical model for dealing with dementia that is far from person-centered.

Maureen is sensitive to most medication: one tablet of citalopram put her in hospital. The only blood pressure tablet she tolerates is lisinopril: she has had adverse reactions to any others that have been tried. The passage below is almost a Black Box warning for someone with dementia:

‘Common side effects of trazodone include:

Headache.
Muscle ache.
Nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, or stomachache.
Constipation or diarrhea.
Loss of interest in sex (erectile dysfunction in men)
Dizziness or loss of balance.
Dry mouth or dry eyes.
Numbness, burning, or tingling sensations.

More items…

Trazodone (Oleptro) – Side Effects, Dosage, Interactions – Drugs’

https://www.everydayhealth.com/drugs/trazodo

Subjecting Maureen to Trazodone covertly is something she would not tolerate in any shape or form. Therefore, there has to be another way to deal with this aspect of her current presentation. She had a ‘Sofa Day’ yesterday: that is really something to focus upon!

No medication will quieten things down when plumbers arrive in number around 8.30. They will be making a lot of noise as they begin to create our new shower room. I’m not sure how I’m going to hold the fort until Maureen’s brother and his wife arrive mid morning. Perhaps, the ensuing racket will persuade to get off the sofa and she will sleep like a newly born baby tonight!

Dementia: No Pain No Gain

August 28, 2017Mixed DementiaRespiteIt's My Time Now

Posted at 5.30 am – a further post is likely later.

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There is little doubt that living on a Building Site is continuing to distress Maureen. She made that clear when I eventually got her home yesterday by asking me ‘when is that man was going to come back to clear up his mess’. She also told me that she ‘was only staying here because no-one else wanted her’. There is little I can do about either of these situations: workmen need to be here for another four weeks and her nearest and dearest are conspicuous by their absence even on Bank Holidays!

My judgment about avoiding Care Homes at the moment has been confirmed by two conversations I’ve had over the weekend. On Saturday we were chatting to a mother of a carer who works at a local Care Home and she said her daughter had told her that none of her workmates would ever encourage a loved one to take up residence in such places.

Yesterday a kind lady, who was very supportive to Maureen, gave an insiders perspective on Ashgrove Care Home. She told me that there had been an exodus of long serving staff who had been replaced by employees who were untrained and spoke little English. This is the Care Home that lost Maureen on one occasion and was unaware that she had gone missing until the Police telephoned. On another occasion, I went to visit Maureen and found her trapped in an unlit room in an unsupervised area of the Home.

There has been lots of pain from builders being on site for the last two months. It is one of those occasions when there is no gain without pain. The addition of a Sun Room along with a Shower Room will provide all sorts of options for the future. It can even become a place where family members can stay overnight to give Maureen the company that she so desperately craves.

I’ve just remembered I have forgotten to let you know how I managed to get Maureen back here. After I trailed her in the car on the advice of the HTT she suddenly waved me down so I opened the car and she got in. I drove towards Cleethorpes and as I was passing McDonald’s I mentioned I fancied a chocolate milk shake and she said she wanted an ice cream. A Raspberry McFlurry did the trick with Maureen changing her reality and ‘we had a nice day’. I mentioned Maureen’s transformation to the Manager and she was so pleased that they had been able to help that she popped out to the car to meet a very satisfied customer!

Dementia: Safely Back Home

August 27, 2017UncategorizedIt's My Time Now

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It has taken four hours to persuade Maureen to come back to our house after she was determined to ‘walk back to her own home’ this morning. Lots of people we have never met before played an important part in keeping her safe as she walked around this part of Cleethorpes when it was very warm. Single Point of Access also managed to shepherd support our way when resources were stretched to the limit.

I gleaned some important information and learned some very important lessons from today’s episode which I will share tomorrow.

Dementia: Saved By SPA

August 27, 2017Mixed DementiaDistress, TirednessIt's My Time Now

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My legs felt like jelly this morning and I was rather concerned. At 7 am the Nurse at SPA was able to confirm that the blood tests undertaken on Friday were satisfactory. She also mentioned that it would take a couple more days before I felt the benefit of my belated B12 injection. As this injection was due in April it is possible that muscle weakness is the cause of my problems. How wonderful it would be if the discomfort in my shoulders also went away when the B12 injection kicks in.

Once again I count my blessings we live in an area where SPA is available.

Dementia: Rieu To The Rescue

August 25, 2017Mixed DementiaConfusion, DistressIt's My Time Now

Maureen refused to go out this morning so I tried to drown out the noise of the builders with YouTube at full volume.

Maureen was particularly taken by above Waltz and many more.

Silence has returned to our household now but as the villain of the peace my status is zero..

All I can do is give Maureen time to forget the massive disturbance I brought to her life this morning.

Earlier she told me not to spend too much money on the house as we needed a smaller place.

A while later she said ‘those men were making changes to her dad’s house without his permission’.

With luck, she will drop off in the chair and my status will return to hero when she wakes up!

I hope you have a good weekend.

Dementia: ‘We’ve Gotta Get Out Of This Place’

August 25, 2017Mixed DementiaConfusion, Good PractiseIt's My Time Now

Posted at 2.45 am

It’s going to be very noisy here this morning as the windows and doors are going into our Sun Room today. We need to be ‘outta’ here by 8 am when 4 workmen will begin proceedings. Our options for an away day are as follows: