Dementia: Rolling With The Punches

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Maureen sought me out, in the spare room, at 2 am this morning to tell me that she ‘had been thinking that nobody liked her’.  She was particularly concerned that her offers to help were being rejected by all and sundry.  This was very different to my status early in the previous evening when I was clearly not her favourite person..

Maureen went out for a walk yesterday afternoon and when I tracked her down she refused to join me in the car, so I left her to it and returned home.  An hour later I toured the local area once again and there was no sign of her.  As I returned from another fruitless search I saw Maureen in the garden along with one of her cousins who had kindly returned her home in her car..

Once in the house Maureen berated me on all sorts of fronts.  I eventually realised that she thought I was her previous husband when she mentioned his sister.  The attack continued for some time concentrating on my ongoing attempts to ‘belittle her and prove she was stupid’.  Following a cup of tea, and a phone call from her son, she eventually calmed down and decided on an early night.

Her visit to see me in the spare room was a sad occasion as Maureen recounted stories of always feeling left out by most people and ignored by her close family.  She clearly had no memory of her eldest son visiting us on Monday or the earlier phone call from her other son.  Once again she was very sad that there was no contact from her parents, who have long passed from this world.

When you are a Care Partner for someone with dementia you have to get used to rolling with the punches and ignoring hurtful comments.  It is clear that Maureen would like more contact with her immediate family and I have suggested, once again, that a visit to Nottingham to see her brother and sister is long overdue.

14 thoughts on “Dementia: Rolling With The Punches”

  3. As a health professional, we roll with the punches, but we have a team with us to take it in turns. I am always in awe of care partners, family members and friends who live with the rollercoaster that is dementia. Professionally, I could probably label myself as a dementia specialist, but if I was called to care for a loved one I know I would struggle too. Sending you, and all your readers, much love x x

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    1. In my ten years as a dementia care partner to my mom who died eight weeks ago, you are the first health professional to have articulated appreciation for the role dementia family care partners play; this despite hundreds of followers across a wide spectrum of social media. So many of us are unheard in this journey. That’s why I became a better care advocate; I blog here: http://myalzheimersstory.com/

      I want to thank you for your words of recognition, empathy and appreciation. They really touched my heart and gave me hope. Thank you.

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