Dementia is giving Maureen an opportunity to ask ‘what about me?’  She is posing that question to me day after day.  What she is asserting is that in my hour of need she has always been there for me: totally devoted to helping me to recover from periods of being unwell.

Maureen is also asking the same questions of her family.  She says: ‘they don’t know where I am; have never been here; I can’t remember what some of them they look like’.  She is saying ‘I raised you and where are you when I need you’.

We are fortunate that we live in an area where the biomedical model for dealing with dementia has been consigned to the history books.  I witnessed first-hand the person centred model that is used here after I had summoned help from the Home Treatment team yesterday.  Amanda was walking down the road holding Maureen’s hand trying to console her.  Her colleague was talking to me at the end of our drive making the point that ‘we have to treat the person not the condition.  She is part of a team who see Maureen’s environment as key in her presentation.

Maureen gave me a wonderful hug at the end of a trying day for her: once again she was pleased that I was listening to her concerns.  Cleethorpes is a place of great sadness for her – our holiday romance at the sea side may need to be drawn to a close.  She sits on a sofa where her daughter fell into her arms and told her devastating news that her life was drawing to a close.  Her view as she thinks of Denise is through the ‘bars of her prison cell’ looking at Pat’s bungalow: a picture of sadness and loneliness.  She told me yesterday that she longs to walk down the familiar streets of Bell Green where we used to live in Coventry.

Maureen is not ‘Sundowning’ she is lonely and disappointed by the behaviour of others: including me.  She wants us close by in her hour of need: if I’m not in sight she is frightened.

Those who love Maureen can no longer afford to hide behind dementia being a progressive condition.  I am pleased that my wife has the courage to ask ‘what about me’ and she is already aware of my response.  Unfortunately, I cannot do this alone and other people need to step up to the plate and tell Maureen when they will be with her in her hour of need.

Postscript:  A brief note of thanks to all family members who sent messages of support yesterday: from the Midlands, Royal Albert Hall and North bound trains.  Things are hectic here at the moment all I can do is update you on my Blog.