I wish I could have filmed Maureen yesterday as she entertained Mala and Amba.  We didn’t need to take two of our grandchildren to the circus as the in-house show continued throughout their visit.

When Tapan, my son in-law, and I went off to the local chippie Nana Maureen was playing hopscotch jumping around the patio.  Following lunch the Songbird came into her own with some favourites  from The Sound of Music and South Pacific. 

Popping across to a play area across the road after lunch was a mistake.  The girls enjoyed their time on the swings and slides but Maureen was excluded from the action because of age restrictions.  I failed to understand her response to being excluded and mistook her need for action as wandering.  Thanks to Susan Macaulay I will never use that word again in relation to Maureen’s presentation: ‘wanderism’ is a term that feeds discrimination against minority group – those with a diagnosis of dementia!

My other lesson from yesterday is that it has been a mistake to discourage visits from grandchildren when Maureen’s presentation has been challenging.  My aspirations to keep her safe and comfortable have deprived her of the very things she loves to be:  Nana out in the fresh air.

We are both considering whether it is time to bring our holiday at the seaside to an end.  When we look back we ran off to Cleethorpes to get away from Coventry.   We had both lost our jobs for wanting to be together because our employer responded to the plea of my ex-wife to move us out of her workplace.  Maureen’s post was disestablished leading to redeployment and I accepted a post where I struggled to cope with the levels of corruption and political involvement. The generous settlement terms of my early retirement deal, on the grounds of ill health, meant that I could  pay my way towards a fresh start away from it all at the sea-side.

It would be a mistake to see Maureen wanting to go home as dementia related.  Just the same as it is wrong to describe her wanting to be out in the fresh air as wandering.  As she frequently says ‘we have got no-one here’: she is right.  All of our immediate family live over a 100 mile away with busy lives of their own.  It is time for us to consider the best place for us to be for the next stage of our lives together.