I managed to step inside Maureen’s world yesterday and grasp another aspect of her reality.  Mo, a neighbour, had tried to help Maureen when she found her in the street looking for our house. Her attempts to encourage Maureen to understand that she is no longer safe to be out alone resulted in hostility.  After she left Maureen explained to me that other people didn’t understand that her memory loss had been ‘short-term’.  For the first time the penny dropped with me on Maureen’s explanation of the consequences of stroke: ‘that she lost her memory once’.

It was fortunate that we were in good humour from walking in the early morning sunshine on the Prom before Mo’s helped Maureen to find her way home.  I used our happy demeanour from our early morning stroll to laugh off Mo’s attempt to put Maureen in her place about ‘being naughty and wandering off’.  Laughter has been the furthest thing from my mind at 4.30 am this morning as I have tried to distract Maureen and not absorb her hostility towards me.

As we enjoyed our day yesterday with several walks I grasped that Maureen was often unclear how I fitted into her life.  She frequently told me about ‘her Paul’ and must have asked me the same question about my son half a dozen times.  Around 8.30 pm she became agitated that she couldn’t remember or see any wedding photographs around the house.  I didn’t remind her that she had torn one of them up and moved others out of view.

This morning Maureen’s confusion is rampant: utterly bewildered about how her daughter let her marry a guy she didn’t know.  I have tried everything I know to put her mind at rest and eventually withdrawn myself from the firing line.  ‘Mrs Dementia’ is no fun to be with this morning she clearly isn’t happy with arranged marriages and is threatening divorce.

I’m hoping that further sleep will lead to a change in Maureen’s presentation with ‘Mrs Dementia’ taking time off.   Chloe today’s carer will be here at 10am and I will be off shortly after her arrival for an appointment with my physio to discuss the way forward with the tear in my rotator cuff.  When I return I must stick to the mantra of not absorbing and using distraction to minimise distress.  

It would be really nice if ‘Mrs Dementia’ took a short-term break over the weekend if not I will need to be on the phone to the Care Agency for additional support.  I realise I am very fortunate to be supported by a team of professional staff who recognise the need for flexibility in our Care Plan: they will fully understand that yesterday I was able to cancel a carer sit but on Saturday and Sunday I might need additional support.  As I have said before the mantra in North East Lincolnshire is: ‘look after your carers’.