I drifted off to sleep in the armchair as I watched television last night. When I awoke Maureen was standing next to my chair looking completely bemused. She was carrying a pile of my clothes for the homeward journey. Once again in her mind we didn’t live here and needed to get home. As I came round I did my best to calm things down and assure her that it would be easier if we stayed here for the night.
An hour later we settled down to watch football on the television and both fell asleep. This led to a period of abject confusion with Maureen wanting to get back home to her husband. It took me a while to persuade her that he would understand her staying here for the night and would pick her up in the morning.
Towards midnight I managed to ease her into the ‘girl’s room’. She was very frightened about others being able to get into her bed. She was also wondering if Rachel her niece would be joining her in bed later. I managed to settle her down with reassurance that I would be next door in the ‘boy’s room, well within earshot if she needed me. An hour or so later she yelled for her mum as one the blankets was falling off her bed.
The doctor from the Home Treatment Team warned us that these episodes would become more frequent as dementia progressed. She concluded that Maureen’s presentation was manageable at the moment without the need for additional medication. What is in question is my ability to be able to provide appropriate responses when the going gets tough. Last night I drew heavily on the strategy that Karen a Mental Health Nurse used on Saturday evening when Maureen was in full flow.
We now have a window of opportunity: a couple of months where we can use the expertise of the Home Treatment Team. They will provide whatever support we need as we seek the best way forward on the next stage of this unforgiving journey. I will contact them this morning to suggest that their intervention begins over the weekend with some direct involvement from their personnel. They have the expertise to support me to develop a life of my own alongside being a Care Partner who knows how to minimise distress when the going gets tough.
Dementia: Sharing The Good Times 
Even if we know all the strategies for communication, we don’t have the bottomless well of patience and resilience. We are emotional beings and sometimes it hurts just too much or tires us out just too much. You’re a brave and loving person and I am so amazed and inspired by your posts. I am so happy for Maureen that she has you. To me, it seems like you’re making great use of the strategies you are learning from the professionals; I wish I could give you a big warm hug for Maureen’s partner. It is not easy to be calm when she’s asking repeatedly for “my husband”. You’re doing great. And I love your blog.
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Help has arrived just at the right time and it’s so refreshing that we are now working with kindred folk. How fortunate we are that we live in an area where there is an enlightened approach to dementia.
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