It something of a roller coaster of emotions here at the moment with Maureen having periods of: fears, tears, and anger.  On Sunday she was beset with fears she was going to be institutionalised.  Yesterday morning she was crying that she hasn’t any friends. In the afternoon she was extremely angry that someone had stolen her car.  A couple of hours later, the tears of frustration followed as she couldn’t find any underwear

I tried to alleviate her fears on Sunday by explaining that despite her concerns no-one could separate us.  I assured her that if we reached the stage when we were unable to look after each other, there were ways of sticking together.  We had previously explored the idea of Sheltered Housing, and I mentioned that might be a positive way forward in our latter years.  I also mentioned the possibility of buying in substantial nursing help in our own home.  Both of these alternatives came to mind after my visit to Coventry last week.

There is no immediate remedy to the lack of friends’ issue.  Unfortunately, the ideas of my time-travelling wife cannot come to fruition.  She hopes that when our children start playing outside in the warmer weather we will get to know their parents. Unfortunately, her remedy, as a young mother over 50 years ago, is not an option that is open to us.

None of her anxieties are surprising with dementia the elephant in the room.  We both have the ‘Winter Blues’ in this cold snap.  Once spring is in the air I am hoping that strolling on the Prom will solve some of our problems.  It’s surprising how a bit of sunshine might just help us to look on the bright side of life again.  However, I have no doubt the fears and tears will never be far away: dementia takes no prisoners.

The anger surfaced again at about 4pm yesterday afternoon.  Maureen woke from her siesta, and wandered next door.  She knocked at the door and spoke to Jack their youngest son explaining that someone had stolen her car.  I then followed her around the streets for about an hour.

In Maureen’s world Paul next door had taken her car without permission.  I had also conspired in the theft as ‘thieves, and vagabonds, stick together’.  I was told in no uncertain terms what a  s*** I was for my part in such a felony.  On the attack went as I followed Maureen around the streets; searching for a policeman to report the matter to.  It was one of the most unpleasant hour’s I have ever spent with Maureen.  Whoever she thought I was, it wasn’t an ally, and she wasted no opportunity to put me in my place.

It seemed likely that Maureen was recalling my trip to the shops earlier yesterday morning.  At the moment my thoughts about leaving the car on the drive seem the only solution to addressing the paranoia about her vehicle.  It’s Shank’s Pony, and public transport, for me for a while!

‘The little s*** who conspires with thieves, and vagabonds’, came to Maureen’s rescue shortly after tea when he retrieved missing underwear.  She had returned from the bathroom in tears, as she couldn’t find her bra, and pants.  A quick trip upstairs and I was suddenly transformed into a hero as I returned with the missing items.

Alas my new found status was short-lived.  None of the undies were comfortable, and Maureen was soon in floods of tears.  My advice of returning to ‘Women’s Lib’, and staying with the ‘Commandos’ was taken.  Then we’re off on the roller coaster again. It’s a funny old life being a Care Partner when dementia calls the shots: you never know what you are going to be cast as at any time of the day or night.  I wonder if it’s a coincidence that I’m having needles stuck in me later, by that kind lady at the Pain Management Clinic.

I’ve just mentioned to Maureen that I have to go for a blood test, and acupuncture this morning. Then I casually asked if I could use the car.  She said:’of course you can: it’s when I don’t know whose taken it that there’s a problem’.  How easy it is to get lost in the woods when you are a Care Partner, and dementia has got you on the run!