They are some relatively simple things that have been overlooked in the hurricane that strikes once the consequences of  diagnosis hit home .  Particularly when it is vascular dementia and you are discharged from the Memory Service and  left to seek care in the community.

Then it gets worse when you are at the receiving end of poor treatment from social services.  Our Care Plan has not been reviewed for over a year. No Carers’ assessment has been undertaken. Respite has been hard to come by in that time.  Things have only started to move in a positive direction since I made a real fuss about our shoddy treatment.  This has led to our social worker  being replaced with a Dementai Specialist.  I am now optimistic that we can put some of the dreadful events of the last year behind us and move forward.

It is easy when you are a Care Partner to sit back and blame others when the going gets rought.  I only have myself to blame for the events of yesterday morning.  Maureen joined me at the keyboard in the spare bedroom at 4.30 am absolutely terrified, as she had woken wondering if it was true that her daughter had died.  Once again I had got up early: not surprising as we had gone to bed at 7.30pm the night before.  Maureen had been tired and frightened and the only solution had been to join her in bed: knowing the consequence would be that I would be up early the next morning.

A couple of hours later confusion arose once again.  Maureen didn’t know who I was as I took her a cup of tea in bed at 8.30 am: she said I looked different.  In fact she then said if she’d known I was coming she would have sorted out some decent clothes so we could go out together.

It seems as if I am between a rock and a hard place in terms of supporting Maureen when she is tired.  Perhaps the following check list might help:

1. Set bed time lights out by 10 pm.
2. Siestas in the lounge.
3. Not getting up until it is light.
4. Work in spare bedroom if Maureen stays in bed.
5. Make our bedroom less utilitarian.
6. Be patient as all changes will take time to have an impact.