Dementia: Nervous About Away Day

General,

It’s been a long time coming but on Sunday I will visit London to see my daughter.  I’m really looking forward to seeing Anna, as we haven’t had any quality time together for a long time.  Yet I am nervous about how things will be handled at the home base while I’m away.

My biggest fear is that Maureen will wear herself out.  It is likely she will be in ‘hostess mode’ for practically the whole time I’m away.  She will want to show her caers that she is in fine fettle, and the consequences from stroke are a thing of the past.  Her greatest peiod of vulnerability is when her son is here for a couple of hours. They will both be so keen to catch up that his visit alone will be exhausting.

The other concern is that Maureen, as she tires, will become confused by my absence.  In the past despite reassurance from those around her she has thought I have left her.  I sincerely hope there is not a repetition of previous experiences, and she gets confused about which husband is coming back.

It is always difficult to predict with dementia, and trying to anticipate risk is problematic.  What I hope is that those who are looking after Maureen, listen rather than talk, and are compassionate in their communication. Not a lot to wish for but the aftermath will not be good for either of us unless those who are here are very careful.  It’s a real shame that the there hasn’t been time to embed the  Code of Conduct and  the The ‘Gale Force’ Approach To Caring  into the psyche of all who enter our household.

6 thoughts on “Dementia: Nervous About Away Day”

  3. I find taking restbite or time out physically and mentally exhausting. Things have Improved now I get a home carer to stay at home with mam, rather than having her stay in a residential setting, which was disastrous. I’m having two days and two nights restbite tomorrow and Tuesday so,I have spent this last week trying to keep fridge stocked up on mams favourite things and stuff like bananas and fruit plentiful, these are foods mam can still recognise and knows where to,look for them if she’s hungry, I’m finding though the more I’m stocked up the more she’s eating (plan b), doing extra cleaning and tidying in house and washing everything in sight to keep laundry to a minimum, double checking carer is still coming, re reading and amending my notes for carer, checking carers notes from rest bite incase Iv missed anything, then tomorrow morning will be spent changing bed so it’s nice and fresh for carer, quick Hoover around and then off home to my little flat. Guess what I do in my flat start the whole process again. It’s normally around midnight on my first restbite night that I manage to rest. I shall be looking after my grandson from 1 to 6 as I don’t get the chance to help out too often, so I do grimace a little when there is so much said about the importance of carers getting restbite, putting it into practice is another thing. The main thing is mam really likes the lady that comes to,stay over I try not to call her a carer as mam looks,on her as a friend. I still stress and worry that she’s feeding her too many jam sandwiches, (ask mam ant time of day or night what she fancies to eat it be a jam sandwich), and not encouraging her to get up and potter about, that she’s not adding her coconut oil in her tea etc etc, but is all,of that stuff more important to me than mam ? I think I know the answer. Enjoy your trip away to see your daughter and I hope everything runs smoothly at home x

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  4. I think time with family becomes more precious when you haven’t the luxury of seeing and spending time with them as you like, I know I appreciate and treasure time with my daughter more than ever now. Good to hear you had a lovely time with yours

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