I am beginning to resent the restrictions placed on my life by being a Care Partner to Maureen.  As Chloe, our regular carer, said to me the other day: ‘there is a danger that you begin to feel like a prisoner in your own home’.  I can still pop out for the odd hour but it is something of a calculated gamble.  I escaped for a couple of hours yesterday and managed to see the Sky Blues beat Burton Albion.  There were some concerns on my return and Maureen was decidedly quiet.

Things were not quite as they should have been when I got home from watching the football match:  the fridge door was wide open and keys missing.  I did not probe the latter immediately and they surfaced during the evening; even two additional keys that had been missing for days.

I think it is likely that Maureen is not happy with me going because she doesn’t like being left on her own.   It is difficult to know if she resents me going out or is frightened about being left alone.  The coming week gives me an opportunity to deal with my resentment and to take account of her concerns about being left alone..

My initial steps to freedom need to be to make sure I go out when there is a carer sit.  I need to return to a routine of activities that have fallen by the wayside in recent months. Tai Chi, swimming and meditation need to be regular pursuits; both for company and well being. There is nothing stopping me returning to both Tai Chi and a visit to the Leisure Centre this week.  This morning will be taken up with physiotherapy treatment on my troublesome left shoulder.

I am hoping to visit folks in Coventry in a couple of weeks and will clarify my plans with those who have to arrange care in the morning.  Just to be on the safe side I will pop into the Care Agency shortly to chat over our requirements when I am planning to be away from home in the coming months.    This may alleviate the problems of the past, where the social worker and the Care Agency have been passing the buck and I have ended up not going to see mum.

So my simple plan for dealing with resentment is two fold.  Firstly, accept that Maureen has every right to feel ‘miffed’ about being left on her own when I go out to pursue my own interests: her resentment could well be about having dementia.  Secondly, I can escape from my chains and reduce my feelings of resentment by incrementally developing a life of my own.  I simply have to keep taking one small step at a time.  As Maureen often tells me: ‘Slowly, slowly catchee monkey’.