I am slowly learning that you have to plan in a cunning way when dementia is around.  Things need to happen on the hoof almost stumble into place.  Last night when I picked my wife up following her wander things went really well.

After I cajoled M into the car I suggested visiting a relative.  M’s Aunty is not much older than her and you could take them for sisters.  A lovely woman who ‘can’t half yarn’, as they say round here.  So a visit usually brings you up to date with the latest trials and tribulations in her life.  It would be unfair not to mention that she has looked after her husband for 15 years until the last few weeks until it became too much.  His Alzheimer’s disease had reached the stage where a Nursing Home was the safest option for all concerned.  So there had been some reluctance to visit, from both of us, as we faced the prospect of leaving with our ears burning once again.

We stayed and chatted for a while to learn of the latest traumas.  C is having a hard time at the moment and some of her tales are haunting as she tries to adjust to her new life.  As we were leaving I suggested going out for a snack together and we all decided to go for it.

I made for a local pub which we had not visited for some time.  We had a lovely time: once the girls got going I couldn’t get a word in edge ways.  They share so many happy memories it is a pleasure to hear them chat over the good old days.  The food was incidental and nothing to write home about.  There are lessons to learn from the lovely evening that we had together.

Sometimes, I almost forget that my wife has dementia and the constant burden that represents to her.  I forget that any planned situation can bring up anxieties about all sorts of things.  It now seems worth springing things on her as if they just dropped out of the sky, rather than talking about what we might do in the future.  It is possible that this is the way to visit family close by.  We might just be out in the car one day and suddenly arrive in Nottingham on the doorstep of her brother and sister.  Time will tell if this Cunning Plan might just do the trick.