When someone has dementia your mistakes are not very often held against you.  Quite simply, misdemeanors even harsh words are forgotten and life goes on.  That is if your deeds are not being stored in the emotional filing cabinet.

I think I may have misunderstood what my wife was thinking about first thing this morning.  Therefore, I almost scalded her for sharing her negative thoughts with me.  So I may pay for that one: another black mark in the book.  Missing your mum is not a crime it is perfectly normal – I miss mine.

What I should have done was listen a little more; then I may have grasped the issue.  The ‘book of dementia’ would have suggested talking about M’s mum.  Unfortunately, she had passed before we met but I have heard lots of stories of a lovely woman.  I know enough to have opened up chat about the things she used to do and say.  I missed my opportunity there.

Caring for someone with dementia is no picnic.  You continually have to think on your feet and never take you eye off the ball.  This role challenges my approach to life: the talker now needs to be come the listener.  If he doesn’t he will continue to: ‘put his foot in it every time he opens his mouth’.  How fascinating that was one of my dear old dad’s sayings.