I have just had the most amazing half an hour discussing the events of last night.  My wife has a vivid recall of what she thought was happening after our stroll under the light of a full moon. Her recollection of the events is outstanding.

She has just told me of the strange man who wanted to get into bed with her. How he had brought her back to his empty house.   All the people she had been socialising with had gone: her granddaughter was missing.  She recalled considering sleeping on the sofa then changing her mind.  Her recollection was so clear that she even remembered being nice to him so he would not attack her.  As she described the events of the previous evening I took a risk and called her reality into question.

As I explained to her the man was me her relief was palpable.  She thanked me for being so brave: her gratitude was overwhelming.  For once I appear to have got it right.  I went with her reality last night and helped her to put into context this morning.  My context is: you have had a stroke on occasions you get mixed up – particularly when you are tired.

It seems likely that my wife’s fear of men will continue: when I am seen as the bad guy all I can do is accept the sins of my fellow men.  There is little point in challenging my wife’s reality that some men are dangerous.  How could I?  That is her life experience being replayed out time and time again.  All I can do at those moments is seek to minimise distress.  Last night I appear to have played it well: allow her to find a place of safety and wait until the fear abates.

Three hours or so after her period of extreme agitation I slipped into the marital bed and whispered I had just returned from the bathroom.  This morning when she first awoke I gently stroked her arm and told her I loved her.  She told me how glad she was that it was me in bed with her.   Explaining to her at the right time that she had got mixed up last night worked; she is tired this morning but mighty relieved.

That man is not going to go away.  When he appears in her reality I have to be very wary: this time I appear to have got it right.  I hope I continue to ride my luck and minimise distress as much as I am able..