One important piece of advice I may have misunderstood in the early part of out journey with dementia was: ‘accepting the new reality’.  Perhaps things could have been made a little clearer at our first appointment at The Memory Clinic. Hearing that your wife has ; Mild Cognitive Impairment with Vascular Changes is confusing.  To add having to ‘accept a new reality’ is more than most men can take mid afternoon.

Over a year on our journey with dementia I think our guides could have been a little clearer in their direction.  They could have suggested that I need to understand my wife’s reality.  I got a poignant reminder on that  yesterday.  Our regular carer is back from honeymoon. Like a daughter to us that one, and she told me that my wife thought I was fed up with her.  My speedy exit when carers arrive makes my wife feel that i can’t wait to get away.  Such feelings will have been compounded by events over the weekend: ‘he has gone away because he is exhausted’.

Imagine if you can this scenario……..

You have had a stroke; dementia has followed and confusion is frequently rife.  Lots of people have been arriving at your house who are all new faces.  They discuss how things are going: reflect on your diagnosis and how you are behaving.  Your husband says he needs a break and is very tired.  During the flurry of activity over Thursday and Friday things go wrong you drop off whenever the coast is clear.  You get the idea they are going to: ‘turn you out of your house’.

Your husband seems irritable with the ‘new kids on the block’.  Sometimes he makes it clear he is fed up with their prevarication.  Eventually, he heads off south to see his own family .  You are left with people you have never met.  New faces turn up at will: they appear to be consumed with writing things down and are frequently on the telephone.  When you are in bed alone you think ‘if this is old age I don’t want any more of it – being in this Care Home stinks’.   I could go on ……………….

If you are just a little bit confused by the above events then it is not surprising you question the motivation of your husband: that is your reality.  With the chaos of the last few days it is not surprising that my wife thinks i can’t wait to escape from her.  My priority in the next week or so is to show her how much she means to me and she is my number one priority.  As the famous guy said: Action Speaks Louder Than Words.

Watch this space.